My husband I have been married for four years and we have only been happy on and off again. A giant roller coaster of emotions. So did I grab you in my headline?

I divorced my first husband because of abuse. I quickly married my second husband because well, because I was really, really stupid and my second husband was everything my first was not. I did not give myself time to heal and honestly neither did my second husband. His wife had cheated on him.

We have a "blended family." We are not a family other than we all live under the same roof. My husband has four kids. I have two. At one point in time we had five kids in our home as the oldest daughter of my husband was an adult. When I say we are not a family, it is because there is no feeling of family, no respect and no authority. I have authority over my children. My husband has none over his and I am not allowed to say or do anything with his kids as I am the mobile target of distress.

So his kids pretty much hate me for breathing and my kids too. There are times of happiness, but there is more dysfunction than happiness. A year ago I learned my husband cheated on me with his ex wife. Oh yes, the woman who cheated on him is the woman he cheated on me with. That issue is a story in itself. I stayed. Why? Because my first marriage failed and I didn't want to make my second one fail. What am I learning from all this? That I need to get my shit together and move on. It isn't just the cheating...in some whacked way I understand what happened. I do not approve of it, but I understand. The stresses of a blended family, so many kids, unresolved issues with divorce all cause issues. I should not have ever married my second husband. I know this. But, I have and now I live with the choice I made until I am in a position where I can make a better choice.

My skids are a train wrecks. Lie, cheat, steal and disrespect. Yes, they had good examples from their parents.

I can not caution people enough who are thinking of getting remarried to really look before they leap. Do you really know what you are getting yourself into. Do you really know the person you are marrying. Because the issues with the kids only get worse when you marry. Your honeymoon with the kids is the premarriage behaviors. Marriage is hard enough, the skids, kids and behaviors do not just change because you are all forced to live together. It isn't always this way, but it take two people who are strong enough to have open conversations and make decisions for the betterment of the family. There needs to be expectations, boundries and consequence.