Honestly, I know people make long-distance custody work, but I don't blame DH for not wanting to do it. Are your skills transferable or would you be able to go back to school?

You need to seriously look at your industry and see if it's possible that a move would even be helpful, or if it makes more sense to switch career paths for a few years. Other states have opened back up more, sure. However, you don't want to incur the cost of moving and starting over only to find yourself in shaky employment elsewhere because you're the new hire and business doesn't pick up like it once was. Even if you take SD out of the equation, moving for a job in a field that is shaky everywhere is a risky move.

What transferable skills do you have? What certificates can you acquire or programs can you work through over the next year to set you up with another line of work? Are there any work from home options where you might take a pay cut but you won't need to have child care?

I'm not saying don't look at moving, but know that option will be bottom of your DH's list, especially before researching other options to stay in the area. Plus, if you're talking two years of struggling a bit and then the business will start up again, you'll be in a better position if you stay since you'll know the industry, area, players, etc.

I have been in a similar situation and was not comfortable being the person to advocate for leaving. In my situation though, it was my husband's job that was threatened and he did not feel that moving was abandoning his child. I was the person telling him to slow down and think things through carefully because I did not want to be the person blamed for him doing something he would regret. I think this is something that you cannot force onto your husband as you don't want to be blamed for making a decision that he may regret. 

The basic schedule BM and my husband have followed is that SD is with one parent for the accademic year, and the other parent for two weeks at winter break and most of the summer vacation. It is a long tale, but BM and my husband have switched back custody of sd a couple of times since we moved and so we have experienced both ends of this. 

With a HCBM it has made life a lot easier for the marjority of the year, because need for communication is limited. Neither my husband nor BM are particularly involved parents though when SD is not in their custody. Neither do much more than weekly calls with SD on skype (and BM frequently does not even do that, though now sd is older they do text). My husband doesn't seem to miss his kid too much when she isn't here and from BM's lack of communication I would imagine she is the same way, though I am sure she would protest that it is the worst thing in the world. 

I could see some parents who are more sentimental and want to be more involved in day to day life feeling that long distance is too much of a strain. For others I think that the reality of it would be ok, but the idea of contemplating it would make them feel that this is not somthing that a oving parent does. My husband grew up in a millatry family so he was used to his father being away for long stretches and moving around the country a lot. 

I would look at other options along side the option of uprooting the whole family if your husband hesitates to commit to a move. Look at retraining into a new field, look at just you moving for a set period of time (perhaps until life gets back to normal or until you have completed some training), even look into commuting further than you would normally consider and combining that with remote working. Or as you say embrace being a SAHM (though if you want to get back into the work place in a few years, take care to keep up your skills and network). 

Don't forget that long distance is going to cost more than local schedules. CS is likely to increase plus the cost of transporting the children will be on your husband to pay for. If BM has to use child care because of the custody change she may be able to claim that from your husband too. If you have the children for summer break there will probably also be large costs involved in summer camps or other child care on your end if you and your husband are both working. Depending on BM and your husband there may be more guilt tripping that he has to provide "extra" payments for whatever BM deems necessary. And then there is the cost of the initial move that will need paying upfront (unless you can get a good relocation package from your new employer). The difference in cost of living in your current location compared to your new location should also be factored into your calculations - this can make a huge difference to living standards. We moved from a 4 bedroom house we owned to a 2 bedroom apartment we rented when we moved. The cost of everything from utilities to groceries is higher where we are now. It has probably been benificial financially overall to move but that is because my husband was able to get a significant pay rise to offset the cost of living difference. 

Overall I am glad that we moved as it has put a few thousand miles between us and BM and reduced how much we have to deal with her. My husband was able to stay continuously employed in a well paying career and most of the time he has been happy with his decision. It has been tricky when stuff was going on in BM's life that affected SD and he wasn't able to talk to SD in person to see how she is doing and he felt helpless to assist her.  

You're in a tough spot. I hope that you find a solution that works for you and your family. 

The reality is that you are not going to be the only one in this industry that is looking to make ends meet.. looking for a job.  Even in other states that may have less stringent restrictions.. the bottom line is that customers may still have their own personal ideas on restricting size and scope.  Your industry may well not recover on a national scale for quite some time.  The job that you may imagine is in another state could very likely not pay you near what you are making now.. so you are looking at both of you relocating.. cost of moving.. him hoping to find a job while you may still end up working for much less than you were before.

You say that you would need a 4 year degree for most "better" jobs, but honestly, that is really not the case.  My YSD is only 22 and makes almost 50K a year and she is just "working on her 2 year CC degree".  Also, your organizational and project management skills could very well translate to many other jobs.  

There is also the thought that your DH could try to work a 2nd job.. or you could work a job outside your husband's hours PT to bridge some of the gap...if you were not paying child care..plus earning some money outside the home.. it might not be as big of a drop.

I would also not discount working towards a degree.. or some certification that could lead to better employment in the future.  

This might be a time where you do rip off the bandaid so to speak and work on improving your ability to get a better paying job while still spending more time at home with your kids.  It might mean a tighter belt in the short term but the prospect of moving to an area where you don't know people.. might still not be able to replace your current earning and spend precious savings to make the move.. AND he loses time with his child is going to be a hard sell, I'm afraid.

Other states are going to shut down again this winter. Moving to a state that ignores the pandemic to be a wedding planner during a pandemic doesn't seem like a good idea.

I think event planning is going to come back with a vengeance, however it's going to probably be another year before it's in full force. I also live in an area that lockdown tightly and early and it's still not back to normal. We're probably both in the Northeast! Anyway I know quite a few people who got engaged just prior to the pandemic and most of them have chosen to delay their weddings by a year. There is a lot of pent-up demand for wedding planning. I also tend to go to at least one or two conferences a year and those have been stationed to be entirely virtual and that has been a big success. I think wedding planning is going to recover but conferences in corporate event planning is not going to be the same. I think the most we're going to get in the future are holiday parties. 

I'm sure your skills would transfer to other industries beyond just retail. Don't sell yourself short event planning is basically project management which is a desirable skill. If you don't have any certifications you could probably pretty easily get some. 

There are jobs out there right now just not the same ones as before I would look and see what you can find for now and cast a wider net geographically. I don't think it is a good idea to move without a job in mind just hoping that the industry is going to recover in that place. However if you find some sort of position they may even offer to move you and you will have a stronger case to make to your husband about moving. 

Sometimes you have to move where the jobs are. Is your DH unwilling to move at all? Or is he only unwilling to move for your career? Say he was offered a large promotion and moving expenses would he then be willing to up and leave? If you are in CA where I am I understand your want to leave, our governor is going to do his best to bankrupt this state before he lets us open back up.

First if his DD is at your home. He stays home to parent her.  If he does not off go to work when SD is at your  home,  That gives you no happy family time with you, DH and DS.  When DS gets older, Don't you want to go to the zoo, Santa workshop , Breakfast with theEaster bunney . with just your family not with SD.

Your DH made memories with SD and ex,.  You should get the same memories with DH and DS.  You know SD will screw everything up, because she is not first that day. and she is all ready doing thing to cause you to dislike her.  Nothing wrong with disliking a sneaky SD.   Does not make you a bad person. Even if DH is telling you, you are.

You need a set of rules in your home

DH is always home with SD. If he can not be there he must get childcare, or return her to her BM

One weekend a month is SD free, Time when you and your Happy Family to do something as a family. 
Two night a month you get childcare for DS and you have date night.  Even if it's means Mickey D , or TGIFridays                              You plan some type of vacation in the summer. With out SD Leggo land,  Something with animals. Something DS will enjoy 

When your DH divorce his ex, any ideas of a happy family with SD went with the divorce. If he want a happy family he should of stayed with the ex.  But the ex did not like him being such a bad parent, and partner