Shes a barrel of flying monkees, although shes slowed down most recently.

At the beginning of our relationship she would enjoy telling then SO about her sex-capades.

A few years in I caught her sending a risque text to my then SO, and he said that she will be drinking and sometimes send him what he called "zingers". He told her not to do that anymore that I did not like that at all and her response was "well lol, thank goodness MY bf isnt jealous!" Funny thing  a while later while we were at a concert, the "non jealous" boyfriend was calling my DH and basically crying to him about Toxic Troll out with a new guy somewhere at a bar and when shes gone out before she had "carpet marks" on her knees...

BM during the divorce tried to threaten DH to take his beloved 68 galaxy away. And then she told him she hopes he dies like his father, of a brain anyurism. Then filed all kinds of fun paperwork.

Last March, when she wanted him to work on her car for her, he said I didnt like it she called him p-whipped and weak and pathetic.

She told me I have a rotten uterus which is why no guys like me and thats also why I have no children. She texted me that she gives better bj's than I do she knows that for CERTAIN.

Just normal stuff.

I hated our BM and often wondered why DH married her.  But i have to give her some credit.  She convinced him that women love to shop, it's a God-given right and it's his responsibility to provide.  Lol.  He is totally and completely convinced of this fact and has never given me any financial grief over spending.  I'm a natural minimalist saver so this has worked out well.  Thanks, BM, rest in peace.  Lol.

I never blamed my DH for Meth Mouth...I mean sure she was a narc b@tch when he married her, but none of us knew she was going to become a raging meth addict.  
Thankfully my ex walked away and never looked back, DH would love to give that POS a piece of his mind, but DH is glad he never came around. 

I lucked out with bm.

My ex, however, was okay when we first split but when I got with dh all hell broke loose. Both he and his wife harassed us brought us to court over the stupidest things. He "won" one court case which was to exchange the kids at the police station which he had to pay a fee to have an officer present then he wanted us to reverse it.

He didn't want dh to pick the kids up, he didn't want dh in his own home when he picked up the kids. He was upset that he wasn't invited in. He was upset that dh coached ds football team.

His wife tried to get bm on her side which bm shut her down.

Thankfully they were sent to a different station and we haven't heard from them in years besides emails that are in my spam folder. Lol

Their daughter that is a few months older than mine has contacted mine on FB but my daughter blocked her after she called me a whore.

If ex wants to contact the kids dh handles it.

Mine used to send DH delusional messages on their old anniversary like "Today is our 20th wedding anniversary and no one, not even The_Upgrade can take this special day away from us!"

Umm...does it still count if they got divorced years before? The crazy lady is still counting the years. And there's nowhere for DH to go with that. Flatly responding that they're divorced meant she'd up the crazy, ignoring her also had the same response. And she'd rope SD into it too - "daddy doesn't care about me, doesn't care about US!". He's pretty much blocked her out now but that also means she's gotten SD to block him right back. Yep, what a special day!

My ex taught me what I don't want in a partner, thats really saying it all about him. He was emotionally distant, abusive (threw a knife at me, after which I left his ass) and extremely selfish.

My current partner is always emotionally available, caring, and as far from abusive as you can get. So a major improvement. However, his ex is also a hag. 

Both my husband and I suffered from low self esteem most of our lives, hence our choice of exes. But we worked on ourselves through therapy before we met each other, and thus now have a healthy relationship with each other.

My ex picked his ex wife (BM) because he thought he'd never get anyone else, he thought he was too unattractive to ever get a girl and she liked him so he went with the flow. Turns out the time she liked him lasted until they married and got kids, after that she hated his guts pretty much. This while he truly is as caring as a father can get, and his sons (my Skids) also know that because they always turn to him whenever they need something done. BM is lazy AF and extremely demanding, throwing tantrums about the smallest of things not going her way. I used to be neutral about her, but after 3 years of being married into this I definitely agree that she is a selfish, probably even narcissistic parasite. 

but for the life of me...WHY DH WHY.  Beaver is nothing like his "type".  She is short, fat, blondish and dumber than a box of rocks.  DH from what I can tell likes, small, dark haired, intelligent, independent women.   All I know is DH was tired of the bar circuit and rotating bed partners and wanted to settle down.  Beaver, who is a chameleon, made her self to be everything that DH wanted.  Once they had the marriage certificate, her true self came out. She quit her job and proceeded to sit at home and do nothing or go shopping all day.   DH had divorce papers in hand after a year of marriage and "poof" Beaver was pregnant despite being on birth control. (Riiiiiggggghhhhhhttt).  Dh was stuck then and the rest is water under the Beaver damn.  He stayed for 7 years and they had SD at the 6th year mark.  Beaver thought it would help their marriage. 

The Village Idiot isn't much better.  I was almost 30 and ready to settle down. The VI seemed stable and a good person...oh how a narcissist can put up a mask.  He didn't show his true narcissist colors until about 6 months after marriage...then all hell broke loose.  I was pregnant with DS and the VI figured I couldn't go anywhere so he let his mask slip.  I stayed in that hell for another 6 years and had DD. 

I think we see what we want to see sometimes...and what we see is colored by what point we are in our lives. So I try to give DH a pass...but sometimes when Beaver is being an annoying orange toothed rodent...I let my thoughts slip out.  Dh is much better at never mentioning my poor choice in the VI..but then again he has seen the scars, physical and emotional that the VI left so I think he avoid thinking about that all together.

My XH and BM are both mistakes that DH and I learned lessons from, and we're still learning new lessons from those relationships (and trying to kick old habits).

I think that's where things fall apart, though, with some folks on STalk. It's okay to realize you made a mistake when you grow from it to become better. That's exactly when you should consider dating again - once you are doing the growing and improving (because I don't ever think there is an after; it's a continuous process).

What isn't okay is recognizing that you had been with a dumpster fire and don't do a GD thing to improve yourself (or the situation if you kids), only to fake it enough to land a new spouse where you're the same person from the previous relationship with the exact same flaws and no new skills. This either means you're a terrible spouse or you're more likely to be victimized again.

I think giving grace as people work through things is absolutely necessary. But you also have to have boundaries and set a limit. Grace should give someone extra time and a second chance, not permission to keep being the same crappy person due to their past. And I think people who have been in a bad relationship that they've grown from have an easier time of setting those boundaries closer to "second chance" than "carte blanche permission".

My ex was never once a horrible person until after the divorce....I was never a horrible person (Things got heated after the divorce so lots of drama) but I'm sure his new wife would argue that I have always been awful.....it's just simply not the case. I think the new spouses feel better if they can paint a picture of forever awfulness in the past relationship......sometimes it's true sometimes it's not. 

my DHs ex isn't necessarily a horrible person.....I mean she is and was because she is a mentally unstable raging alcoholic......but if she could get help she wouldn't be so crazy now or even when they were married.

i don't really ever think about my DH previous 20 plus year relationship with his ex wife .......good or bad. It's over and that's that. 

With exH I fell into a "comfortable" relationship.  It seemed so natural like we were meant to be. Only years later did I learn that I had married someone in looks and tempment like my step-father (he raised me from a toddler) and he had married someone like his mom.  We worked out our family dynamics on each other within the framework of our conservative religion. I quickly had several children and stayed home while he worked. He became controlling, abusive, and started spending all our money within the first few days of the month to the point that I had to go to food banks to feed the kids. He was so physically abusive during my last pregnancy that I feared the baby would be stillborn or not carried to term.  Our religious leaders urged me to be supportive of him and create a peaceful home so he wouldn't rage. We just had to pray, pay out tithing and have faith, and God would provide for my large family.  

When I realized that I could be one abusive episode away from making my children motherless I left.  It was a mess that lasted 12+ years.  I don't know who was more abusive; him or the religion that keep me chained to an abusive marriage for so long. The kids have had a scattered relationship with their father and unfortunately he was physically abusive to adult dd who chose to live with him. She in turn has been in a few abusive relationships, no doubt choosing men like her father and trying to fix them.  

DH was happily married for a decade before it all turned sour then they had an open marriage and he was never home avoiding her and his kids. He never wanted kids and only married at 18 to appease his religious father.  The thing I've given DH grief about is his ridiculous divorce settlement that still affects him.  Luckily his obligation ends soon.