Disengaging is the key!
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Whoever came up with disengaging needs to be commended. This truly has been a lifesaver for me. Once I started disengaging and having "Me" time it restored my peace of mind. I would advise anyone who hasn't tried to disengage, try it. You will love it.
I love it, too
Im relatively new to Steptalk and I love it, too. I also like the Grayrock concept which is similsr. Both very useful in strained family relations.
I am intrigued now!
What is the Grayrock Concept?
Grey rock
I was married to a narcissist. I learned time grey rock which means no emotions when dealing with them.
A narcissist gets gratification from stirring up emotions. So, to not feed their narcissistic supply, and to possibly get them uninterested in stirring you up, show them they can not get joy from making you sad, angry, etc.
Be like a gray, boring rock.
Narcissists will slither away
Ex: talk in an even, boring tone after they do something that causes you to have feelings.
Say something like "huh, look at that. What did you just do?" Point out their behavior and how abnormal it is...talk like you would talk to a gray rock.
Grayrock
This is my perception, others will chime in with better explanations. It's giving minimum attention and response to those "troublesome" people. The idea is to not respond, or respond minimally, so they dont have anything to exploit/ turn against you/ misunderstand, etc. So in my case, when my SD58, druggie, liar, manipulator and princess, comes over and I cannot avoid interacting, my responses are hmmmm, really, gee. I don't ask her questions or discuss much beyond the weather. The idea is less fuel for the crazies.
I love it!
Ok thank you so much. I really needed this. This will be a great tool for me for SKids.
Only Choice
If you live with a man who is manipulated by adut kids, regardless of reason, you are the outsider and you must disengage. HE has to parent, something he is either unwilling or not capable of doing. Regardless, you must disengage to protect your own peace of mind and emotional health. I am certain I would have filed for divorce if my husband forced me to interact with the dysfunction. Disengaging saved my marriage and mental health. It is not perfect, but I lived in the alternative for years and that is pure step h.......ll. Never again......
Oh how you speak words of
Oh how you speak words of wisdom. Recent events have definitely reinforced that my disengagement is needed.
A combination of disengaging
A combination of disengaging and the grey rock method has been a game changer for me with SD7 who is a mini version of her NPD BM. The difference in SD7's behaviour between when it's just me around and when her dad is around are black and white.