Having a rant
Sorry about this long winded post I just need to get it out somewhere.
We have skids every weekend so last weekend on the Saturday we went for a walk (only thing we can really do at the moment) along the canal it was lovely apart from sd9 constantly shouting at everything about everything. I asked if she could be quieter because there were other people trying to enjoy their walk and didn't need to hear her shouting, she said "why don't you shut up" I pretended I didn't hear her and said sorry what did you say? And she didn't repeat it. My partner said nothing. On the Sunday we went to the river as it's one of my bios favourite places. Sd12 decided she didn't want to go and spent all day in bed on her phone.
this weekend skids came again and my bios are at their dads I have disengaged from skids so they spent the whole weekend in their rooms on their phones/iPads barely eating just lying there they stayed up late didn't get bathed didn't brush their teeth. I'm trying to see it as not my circus not my monkeys but I feel bad on my bio kids they would never be allowed to do that sort of stuff. I'm not crazy strict but I limit screen time they have a bedtime everyone gets a bath every day (wash hair every other) brush teeth twice a day and have 3 meals and some snacks. It's obviously very different parenting methods but it irritates me when they're here that they just sit on their electronics and I take bio kids iPads/phones away from them. I'm sure bio kids would sit on them all day too if I let them. Just feels really unfair I know long term I'm doing what's best for them but short term I feel mean. X
This is where you have to let
This is where you have to let go and say- If their parent (your husband) cared, he would do something about it. Why should I care more than him?
(PS- this is sooooo much easier said than done for someone like me!!)
We don't make rules for kids
We don't make rules for kids to make them miserable.. we make rules because we know that it will help them develop into better human being adults. So.. you don't let your kids marinate in social media and their electronics.. your kids have a healthy enjoyment for the outdoors.. that is great! Your kids will likely lead a more full and enriched life. Sure.. there is a time and place for being online etc...but you know that it isn't healthy to do it 24/7.
Do your kids complain sorely about their routine? All I can say is that you just have to reiterate that "sorry.. they are not my kids.. and I am parenting as I see best"
i have explained to bio kids
i have explained to bio kids the reasons why they have things they have to do. They understand they need to do these things to have healthy body and mind. We joke about how they don't want to end up like "zombies" from all the screen time. And don't want to smell or get toothache etc. They just point out to me frequently how sd is not getting a bath or sd hasn't brushed her teeth but usually it's but mummmmmmmm sd has been on her phone alllllllll day why can't I? My go to answer is I'm not their mum therefore nothing to do with us but still feels wrong x
Unfortunately, if your
Unfortunately, if your husband refuses to set higher standards for his kid.. you can't care more than he does. I'm sure part of it is that he will say he only has them "a little bit" and doesn't want to spend it fighting wtih them.. but not insisting they bathe regularly? I mean.. a kid who has laid about and done nothing may not need a bath every day.. but at least every other and daily brushing etc..
What idiot agreed to an EWE
What idiot agreed to an EWE visitation schedule in the first place? Mommy gets to sow her oats every weekend and you and DH get the curse of his failed family ill behaved breeding experiments with no weekends just for the two of you? That is a crappy deal if ever there was one.
As for the "why don't you shut up" comment? That kid would have immediately had the side of my foot on her lippy butt.
Ignoring this crap just makes it worse. Stop ignoring it and start making her life a living hell when she forgets her place. She will either learn to behave or beg not to invade your weekends. Either way is a win.
smh
You can teach the skids how
You can teach the skids how to relate to you. It's a job only you can do. If DH starts to notice and complain you just tell him that if he doesn't like the way you handle the skids then he can do it, until then you will correct them when they treat you with disrespect.
The one thing that I found with the skids vs, bios is the the skids would leave and we would have to clean up after them. My bios felt like Cinderella's. Don't allow that to happen. Having two types of parenting styles causes many hard feelings between the kids and they won't ever find common ground to make friends from. Don't hesitate to have your bios ask DH why about the skids. Not sassy like but curiously. He needs to find out those skids aren't just annoying you but everyone in the house. In fact if anyone complains to you about the skids, your response should be "go ask their father".
Yes to the above posts! You
Yes to the above posts! You can't care more than your DH about your SK. Also, it will be impossible for you to enforce rules that your DH doesn't care about.
SD10 is home with me when DH is at work. He has no limits on iPad. Personally, I think it's ridiculous. She stays in her room all day vegitating. Stays up ALL night. DH has to remind her to brush her hair, teeth, bathe, put on deodorant etc.
I have let DH know that I don't agree with ANYTHING SD basically does. I have told him my hands are tied and I can't make her do things that he lets "slide" or doesn't enforce. So yes, it is hard to see a kid with poor hygeine kill their brain cells, but not up to me. So I quit worrying about it. Also, the BASICS are something that they DO know and they know HOW to do. If they CHOOSE to have poor hygeine, that's on them. I'm NOT going to repeat it until I am blue in the face.
Also, with the whole "shut up" thing... I don't give SD consequences because neither of her bio parents do... I DO ask her to stand in front of me, make eye contact, and listen to what I have to say. Typically about her saying something rude under her breath, eye rolling, etc. I have zero problem telling her she is being rude. You shouldn't either... ESPECIALLY if your partner isn't standing up for you.