He has a right to know what she did?
As per. We had my partners children this weekend. SD7 SS13. Upon picking them up. BD was told neither child was allowed any game time (WII and PS4) also no iPad internet access. We knew SS was being punished for cutting a school chair with the string off a face mask ( charming young man that he is) and ordered to pay £40 to the school. But at no point was we told why SD was being punished too. I'm angry that BD didn't ask BM. Angry that this information wasn't offers up either. When SS was asked directly. We just got a full on strop of screaming. Shouting, slamming doors and being told she doesn't want to talk about it.
so I took it upon myself to ask SS what the hell happened. Apparently SD was told off at home for miss behaving. She proceeded to pick up some scissors. And went into her room. (newly decorated) and cut her curtains to bits!!
so now I'm even more angry at BM for withholding the information. Surely if we are asked to uphold a punishment. We should know why. As we did with the SS?
BM treats her daughter so differently. She gets away with murder. And in return she is turning into a spiteful. Gobby little diva. If she ever did anything like that in my home. I don't know how I'd handle it because she's flat out not be welcome back.
do you think BM should have informed us of all the details? How can I get both parents to see that this behaviour needs to be stopped. She's only 7!
Of course he does. And he
Of course he has a right to know. And he shouldn't enforce a punishment if he isn't told what it's for. But there's nothing you can do to "make him see" that he needs to ask and not just do whatever BM says.
Also, how do you cut a chair with a string? Just curious.
Face mask
It was with a disposable face mask. Was "trending" on TikTok
I asked him if he is a sheep and just follows idiots on their and that if it gets him into trouble he is a moron too.
No explanation, no punishment. Pretty simple.
However, this kind of diva drama bullshit needs to be met with immediate and very effective consequences.
If this little nasty diva spawn was a few years older it would be time for this shitty little diva to wear cut up curtains for a weekend with the looming finale of wearing it to school as clothing for a week. That might just get the point across. This is what got my SS to stop wetting his bed (no medical issues) at about the same age as your SD. The prospect of public humiliation and associated focus from her peers giving her crap is exactly what is needed to end this behavioral crap. In our case, SS got the point over the weekend, did not wear a diaper to school on Monday, and never wet the bed again.
IMHO of course.
I'd be angry too
It's disrupting your time with them and making you bad guys to ask the kids for the information.
But then equally id be angry at being ordered to maintain a punishment for ss on my time, in my home. Granted they sound like they've got horrible behaviours over there but she needs to deal with that at her house. Your house, your rules, your punishments for bad behaviour when they're with you, surely?
Hmmm, no.
Hmmm, no.
At exchange time BM should have told ss to tell his dad what happened.
BM can order you and dh around all she wants. BUT just remember your house your rules. So it doesn't matter what BM wants you to do during visitation. For the record I am all about being on the same page with ex's.
Those are the 2 issues here...bm's orders inside your home AND she didn't hold kid accountable on the spot with dad.
Of course dh has a right to know.
"I'm angry that BD didn't
"I'm angry that BD didn't ask BM." Why didn't he ask?
God knows
He has zero balls when it comes to talking to her in any confrontational way. It angers me so much. They are YOUR kids. BM doesn't hold all the cards just because he was the one that left.
Yes... of course he should
Yes... of course he should have asked BM what they did to be punished. How else can both parents apply a consistent message on standards of behavior?
Couple of things- Yes, your
Couple of things- Yes, your husband should have asked. Yes, BM should have told you what was going on when it happened.
Also- grounding from video games is lazy parenting. They weren't just mouthy or didn't do a chore- they have moved to destruction of property. Don't you guys think it is time for a better and more effective punishment?
If the chair is $40- sounds to me like he has at least 4 hours of labor to do- yard work is my favorite for kids.
How much were the curtains? I know you can get panels on Amazon for around $15 each- so SD has at least 3 hrs of labor.
Yard work, house cleaning, neighborhood or park clean up. Whatever will make them WORK to understand the value of their destruction.
Agree
That's just how I felt. It's more than just throwing a strip or not doing as asked. It's destroying property either at school or at home. Simply not acceptable. Little gits. I think both BM and BD feel guilty about their split and now the kids are acting out. Weak is exactly how I see it.
Gawd
She cut up curtains. Thats one helluva angry little girl.
If I were you lady I'd sleep with one eye open.
Wow.
The communication is off between BM and BD, but you already know that. She should've told, he should've asked. Neither of which is your fault.
It seems that both kids are exhibiting destructive, aggressive behavior. That's not something to take lightly.
It’s worrying
I agree. She is violent towards her older brother. Kik king him in the crutch. Kicking him in his injured leg. He is violent to her and now this distruction of things. If they were mine. They wouldn't be able to sit for a week. Not from smacking. But from doing things in the house as punishment.
Cry for help?
This child may be acting out feelings n pain. Yes, have child earn chore money to pay for the damage but plz get kid into counseling! I am glad the kid didn't harm themselves.