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Thoughts on BM

Janemakey13's picture

BM is a level 10+ Helicopter parent who fully Devotes her life to SS13. She even said in court she but her life "on hold"(no dating) to raise SS. She is HIGHLY Engaged in SS's school and knows the homework Assignments better than the teachers. BM is VERY Concerned about SS's Social life or lack of. At EVERY Psychologist appointment for SS BM complains how he does not have friends, does not like to go out seems Depressed etc. The therapist will then give BM and DH Suggestions on how to help SS.
 

Here is the kicker. After all that complaining BM almost never follows Through or teach him certain things. BM got SS a fancy new bike a few years ago BUT SS still does not know how to ride without training wheels. The therapist for YRS said Soccer would be great to get SS into which BM loved. BM even said to SS's doctor she did NOT want to give SS weekend breaks from his ADHD meds as he needs to stay Focused when he's in a Soccer team. This was four years ago and SS still is NOT in a Soccer team. BM never even takes him out to kicks the ball. 
 

I know BM is not just complaining for "show". BM will will buy things(fancy bike, Soccer net) to try and get SS to do things but she never Participates or follow through. I don't know if BM does all this complaining to the therapist partly because DH is there too and she's wanting DH to step up and handle these issues with SS??? Thoughts???

justmakingthebest's picture

What if your DH just signs him up for soccer or baseball or swim team or whatever? Don't wait for her follow through. Do it. 

It would be a fun hearing about how she refuses to take SS to <insert activity> even though her life is on hold for SS and this is what SS wanted to do. 

Harry's picture

It is his kid, he can't just let BM do everything. DH should help out coaching a sport, or photo club, public help type organization. If DH get thing going SS will go along.  Father son time 

Janemakey13's picture

And ADD SS13 is NOT a easy Independent kid that would come home from school with a flyer to do some sport or after school Activity. EVERYTHING needs to be Micromanaged for him with LOTS of Encouragement. This being said DH with his Depression just does not have the mental energy to spoon feed SS to get him to do something and continue to stay with it. 
 

SS is a total spoiled Coddled brat. Just telling SS to pick a sport or just sign him up for something would result in a complete Temper tantrum meltdown. SS needs his hand held with LOTS of positive feedback to do anything. It's really Quite sickening. The reason I'm trying to figure out how to get him friends as my worst nightmare is SS living in our basement RENT free at 30 demanding all of daddy's free time

justmakingthebest's picture

I never waited for my kids to come home with a flyer. I would make them pick a sport/activity- one for spring, one for fall. If they didn't give me an answer, I would give them 2-3 choices. If they didn't choose, I chose for them. 

It is called parenting. I am sorry your husband has depression. He should seek medical intervention if he can't get it together enough to be a parent. 

Rags's picture

Clapping

Well done.

DPW's picture

I understand mental illness is difficult, but he is a parent. Is he receiving treatment for his depression?

itshardbeingastepmum's picture

This is why "devoting" your whole life and putting your life on hold is not a good idea, yes, your child is your world, of course, they are your heart beat but you are still a human being yourself at the end of the day, you still need a life yourself, it isnt healthy to keep the child isolated and purely by your side, they need interaction with other human beings, they need to learn life skills, learn how to interact and explore their enjoyments in sports clubs, or any kind of clud of their desire! BM hasn't done this child any favours, of course, in my personal opinion only, sounds like Dad needs to step in and start teaching him how to learn to ride the fancy bike, or join him up to a sports club etc, no wonder the poor kid seems depressed! Hope it all works out.