HELP! How to inadvertently make 18SD move out?
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Hello all! So very long story short, but how do I make my 18SD move out? She REFUSES to leave. DH told her she was kicked out the other night but she refuses and keeps herself locked in her room all day/night. How do I make it so she moves back into her moms house? We ignore her completely go about day and night as she is not here but knowing she is here makes me angry. What are some minor things that I can do to initiate her to leave on her own? She said she is staying here because she knows we do not want her here. Mom won't initiate her moving back in because then she would have to pay for her laziness. We told her she is no longer allowed to use our cars, eat our food, or join us for meals. Thank you advance for ideas!
Hmmmmm...let me think
I'm not sure about what can be done but since I have a devient mind I could find millions of ways of being annoying!
However; it might be better to take a legal route with her. It seems more responsible and respectful but a lot less fun! She's 18 you no longer have to have her in your home. In the state I live in you can evict someone...even spawn of your DH. You have to start by giving her notice in writing (I believe a text counts) and then give her 30 days. If she won't go then you can go through the court system to evict her just like any other tenant the police will make her leave if she doesn't go. It may be the path of least resistance even though it takes 30 days and for God's sake never let her move back in!
Now the more devient ideas...does she enjoy sleeping in? A nice vaccuming of her room or just outside of it at 6am every day is lovely. Does she enjoy privacy in her space? Maybe her bedroom door could "disappear". Do you have a need for storage, maybe the box with the Christmas tree needs a new home? Move storage items into her room. Does she enjoy a warm shower? Wait until she's in and turn off the hot water. Does she like to use shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste? Maybe they could "disappear" and keep disappearing if she replaces them.
Good luck with whichever path you choose!
Did we just become best
Did we just become best friends?! Because I have started to do all of that. DH as well. Her room is next to the bathroom and if I wake up and wanna take a shower at 3am I do. Because I know she can't stand it. I vacuum before I start my work day at 7:30 knowing she is still sleeping. DH will have music blaring and tools going by 8am. I took everything out of the bathroom that is mine that she used, even my razor yuck! Who does that? Hopefully by just ignoring her and with DH and I having the time of our lives (like we do when she's at college) will continue until she gets sick of it.
Yes! Let's be best friends LOL!
It's terrible to be taken hostage by SD! Seriously think about eviction too though and don't let her come back and take you hostage again! This is some serisous disrespect not to leave when you are asked...ugh I'm so sorry for you!
Does she have a car that can
Does she have a car that can be towed? Start leaving bills for rent and any other things you can think of where she will find them or slide them under her door. Bring in another person to " show the room as a rental". Put a for sale sign by owner in the front yard? Lol
Cut her off from all support. I do wonder if ignoring her isn't giving her what she wants. A free ride. Whatever you do it has to be worse than living with BM.
Cut the power to her room.
Cut the power to her room. Password protect the internet. Only buy food she dislikes.
Just tell her to move out,
Just tell her to move out, give her 30 days notice, and evict her if necessary. She can't just stay there without consent.
This. Passive agressive digs
This. Passive agressive digs aren't going to work if her goal is to stay because she knows it bothers you all. Do it formally and you won't have to play games for months on end.
Shut off her cell service if
Shut off her cell service if she is on your family plan. Cut off the WiFi and cable TV. Close the heat and AC vents in her room. Flip the breaker for the lights and receptacles in her room, turn off the water for her bathroom, lock up the food, put all of her crap on the curb.
It really depends on how serious you are about getting her to launch.
Funny, not funny
I've enjoyed this post because I can think of all sorts of ways to make a house inhabitable to an 18 yo, but there's nothing funny about the situation. I can see why you wouldn't want to include the police or put yourselves through the trouble of putting a lock on the frig and such. Next time she goes out I guess you could change the locks and put as much of her stuff as you have time to pack while she's out on the curb.
stop giving her mother child
stop giving her mother child support while sd lives in your home.
1) Unlock her door and
1) Unlock her door and physically remove it from the hinges
2) Serve her with an eviction notice
3) Go in a remove her stuff. Just start picking it up and throwing it in the yard.
** If she puts her hands on you call the police for assault**
Take her bedroom door off.
Take her bedroom door off. Take every single thing out of her room and put it in storage (or trash) including all clothes and make up...every single thing. Sell any furniture.
have her cell service shut off or take the phone.
change the locks
take all shower heads,faucets towels, toilet paper, lights out of the bathroom and take the bathroom door off.
then be prepared to call the police.
So she's just holed up in the
So she's just holed up in the room and never leaves? Are you sure she's really still even in there?
Personally I would be straight forward and tell her she needs to leave, she has a window of one hour to clear her stuff out before the police will be called to remove her from the property. If she does not collect her items in that hour, whatever is left will be boxed up and taken to the dump.
I don't think police will
I don't think police will evict people right now, unfortunately. They are going to have to do this more themselves.
In the long run the
In the long run the relationship might be selvageable but if the cops are involved it might be hard to come back from that. Making them very uncomfortable and forcing them to decide to leave on their own is a better way to go. Of course if she gets nasty then she will need the big guns.
Yes to all of these! You are
Yes to all of these! You are golden since DH is on board. If she isn't making it easy, just make it hell. Remove door, change internet password, etc.
I will fully admit that when SD10 is being a pain, I turn off the internet on her devices (iPad, roku, etc.) After I see a change of attitude I will turn it back on. Other times, I have turned it off for the "whole week" that she is here, and then she is dyingggg to go to her mom's because she has a phone there. Win, win in my book
Call the law & let them know you have an unwanted/uninvited
person on the premises who refuses to leave. She is 18 and considered an adult by law. Time to "ADULT."
Once she is removed, change locks, forward her mail, and make sure you have cameras set up on you property should she try to regain entry to the home.
Take back your power! She's not running ANYTHING.
Bravo!
Law enforcement are unlikely
Law enforcement are unlikely to get involved without an eviction notice or some such. The OP should talk to a local lawyer about options if they want to go this route. Here are some suggestuions: https://www.robertreeveslaw.com/blog/evict-adult-children/
I am team cut off food and
I am team cut off food and water and change the locks when they go out to forage. Adult children are not residents, they are guests and their presence is dependent on compliance with very narrow and rigid standards. Once access to the home has been cut off their belongings can be bagged up and put on the curb for them to deal with or for garbage collection to deal with if the banished adult fails to do so.
I am fortunate. I have never been kicked out by my parents and have never had to kick a child out of my home. Though my wife and I did experience a child who chose a different path than the one we offered. We had to build a burning platform to motivate him to launch. We basically made his presence in the home a day by day option dependent on his completion of an exhaustive chore list. If he failed to finish it during the work hours of the day, he was out the next morning with no access to the home until one of us returned home from the work day. At which point he had to complete the last day's chore list and the currents day's chore list in order to remain in the home to complete the next day's chore list. He only tested us twice. That was all it took for him to know we were serious. After several months of being our live in chore bitch/beck and call boy he chose to enlist in the USAF. He has done very well and in April celebrated his 9th service anniversary.
I am grateful to him that he did not force our hand to cut him off and to have to force him out of our home by extraordinary means.
Once an invasive and parasitic adult child is out, there is not much that can be done to force parents to take them back in. Legal action by the banished adult child will take likely take longer than they have to deal with shelter, water and food if they don't step up and work out their issues. Not the most preservative option as far as the parental relationship with that adult child is concerned but an effective way to accomplish the goal of getting them out if they have worn out their welcome in the family home.
Tell her she has X amount of
Tell her she has X amount of days and kick her out. She has too much power. Make her face life and start adulting.