DH has full custody of SS13 , SD16 and SS17. BM shared legal joint custody with DH up into three years ago. Three years ago BM and her BF threw SD16 out of their house over something and BM refused to go to therapy and work it out with SD16. That along with BM refusing to co-parent with DH the family judge Awarded full custody to DH of all the kids. BM gets visitation with all three BUT refuses to see SD16 and has cut all contact off with her. SS13 and SS17 see go over for Regular visitation. 

 BM has tried to Alienate SS13 from DH for years. SS13 would come home upset that BM showed him a email DH sent and tell SS13 see how nasty your father is to me. SS17 came home once saying BM told SS13 DH was NOT his real dad but came from a sperm donor. This is true BUT Neither child knows about this so We know BM did say something. I could go on with more but think you can see my point. 

Recently there was an incident at BM’s between SS13 and BM that SS17 walked in on. SS13 was screaming Hysterically at BM that he KNOWS BM is trying to Manipulate him against DH. That it’s HIS Secret as he never has told anyone. That BM RUINED his life and he LOVES DH more than he loves BM. Not sure WHAT started all this as SS17 walked in towards to end. Once SS13 saw SS17 he ran up to his room crying and did not come down for hours. Once SS13 came down he Apologized to BM and that was it. 

Now one would think SS13 would dread going over to BM’s since she spends so much time Trying to alienate      SS and it’s clearly bothering him after the last outburst but no. SS13 gets VERY upset if BM has to work and can’t get him. When DH and I go away for vacation every year and leave SS13 with BM he LOVES it. Never even calls us. Now since we have a wonderful relationship with SS13 and since how he went Psycho on BM about her badmouthing DH we know she’s not Alienating him from us. 

So I guess I’m wondering why is SS13 so clingy/needy for BM when it’s clear he knows what she is up to and clearly bothered by it???? Thoughts?