explained that it'll be difficult for them to do this because SD19 dropped out of school and didn't graduate last year.

Oh, boo hoo, that is her own fault.

So, nobody else can be celebrated because SD didn't hit that particular milestone? Geez. They need to get over themselves. Maybe, had they not been so enabling, SD would have graduated.

sheesh..I get that SD dropped out but that is neither your or your BS's fault/problem.  I would expect adults to be able to act accordingly and be happy for the student that did graduate.  I think its nice they are going to homes...we have what I call the drive by graduation later this month for my DD.  Graduate and family arrives by car, graduate gets out, gets their diploma and gets back in the car.  I would rather the at home deal...

What I would guess, this is hard for your DH and is projecting his disappointment with his own daughter to his parents.  Has anyone asked your inlaws if they are ok with this?  Just a thought.

This was discussed with your DH first. He has a lot of nerve bringing this up now. It probably embarrasses HIM, and I would ignore it.  Frankly, they'll probably find more to celebrate since they know a graduation isn't automatic, what with having a recent dropout. I also think it'd be a nice change in routine from the same old of the quarantine. I wouldn't give it another thought.

Sounds about right. Gotta love steplife

I agree that DH is passing his own feelings off to his parents. What a dick move. My older brother never graduated HS. That didn't stop anyone in our family from being proud and wanting to celebrate me and my little brother graduating. 

I would be super angry that your husband even made the comparison. Isn't bs his child? I'd tell him right now the next time he compared the siblings and expected plans to change because the boy is outshining the girl, he better have excellent dental coverage.

How is he even going to make your son's graduation about his daughter drop out?? Good lord. 

Is this going to be everything for your son's life?

Careful, can't tell grandparents that BS graduated college- they will be said because SD still hasn't even gotten her GED

Oh no! BS is buying his first home, can't tell grandparents because SD still lives in a trailer with 13 people

OMG! BS is getting married- can't tell grandparents because SD has 3 kids and doesn't know who the daddy's of any of the are! 

SD is a loser and your son isn't, can't he just be happy for his SS?

So I HIGHLY doubt this is aobut his parents. Grandparents LOVE this s***.  I'm more willing to bet that your DH has projected it.

THis moment is about your DS.  Not SD and her failures.

His DD dropper out.  The whole world must stop.  We don't want DD to feel bad for being a loser.  Everyone now must pay the price for SD .  

Has anyone asked the in-laws what they want to do? Both of you are assuming you know what they feel.

I would call the in-laws to ensure that there are no problems with hosting and if there are, I'd tell them no hard feelings and host it at my own place. That way you know the truth directly from them and I wouldn't be surprised if it differs from what DH is telling you. 

Boggles my mind that this even came up. Poor DH and SD... life's going to get a lot harder if this DH is this sensitive. 

So YOU should feel guilty/bad because HIS kid failed? Call the waaaah-mbulance!!!

I love it when others try to make you feel bad and undermine your accomplishments because someone else didn't achieve the same thing. 

Reminds me of how I was supposed to be low-key about my wedding because my sister is sad that she's not married, yet...five years later, she is no closer to being married than she was then, but she still managed to cast a pall over my wedding. 

I think it would have been polite to ask your in-laws if this is OK. It is their home and even if it is a drop off you want to decorate the front of their home. Now I don't know your in-laws and they may consider your son as their own. But it would be good manners to at least ask.

I would tell DH that it is not your sons fault he got through high school like most teens. He applied himself, passed the exams and tests and met all the conditons and regulations for graduating. Why should he be denied the recognition because SD chose to take a different path in life. And I would label it as that. A "different path". Now you know and we know 'different path' means something else, however DH cannot complain about a 'different path' can he? She chose to live a different life that does not include parties and congratulations and gifts. This is her choice. And you asked his parents and they are OK with this. It isn't like they have to do anything. Just wave from the window.

It's hard on DH, no one else. Tell DH, "I understand this is hard on you since SD19 didn't graduate last year. I hope that you are encouraging her to finish high school or get a GED through the local community college. I called IL's and they are fine with the current plan."  Move forward with celebrating for bs, he earned it!  

Typical Disney Dad behavior, it's not about the kid it's about how this affects him.  Eye roll.  
"Well DH I'm sorry you feel that way but this is the plan.  I'm sure your parents are very proud of BS graduating, but plans have already been made.  We can't keep living our lives over your guilt."