I know this is strongly worded but it is how I feel.

I get that it’s supposed to be a day where I feel celebrated and happy, but in the past,  it has not made me feel this way at all.  The biggest reason is BM Sunday is always a kid exchange and BM doesn’t want the kids for any extra time, so we are always forced to interact with her and SD’s.  Every year we’ve had to cart SD’s around at BM’s whim…after all it is her day.  I almost can’t even type that without laughing.  It is truly laughable to call her a mother since she never behaves like one.  BM demands SD’s be there at a moments notice so she can have her Facebook props when she’s ready and her two-hour makeup job is perfect.  This means even if DH is in the middle of making me breakfast and trying to celebrate me he drops and goes.  He says it’s because if he doesn’t she will make his life hell and then the kids will come  back in a bad mood.

I think they come back to us disgruntled regardless.  BM is really good at manipulating and poisoning them.  SD’s have always behaved with apathy toward me on Mother’s Day, well most days if I’m honest.  It is obvious they don’t feel comfortable celebrating me.  While I understand this is a tough position they are in, it really makes for a sucky interaction for me.  I feel guilty for saying this, but I dread seeing them on Mother’s Day.

Add to this we have gone NC with MIL based on some really complicated and terrible issues with her (read previous blog “MIL go away” if you want to understand this better).  Last year DH still sent her a Mother’s Day text.  While I understand this is his need it also makes me feel icky.

The most difficult of all of these things is my own mother passed away 8 years ago.  I miss her terribly and often but especially on Mother’s Day.

So it’s a bitch for me.  DH does a good job of making things special and my D15 is awesome.  So the small amount of time we have just the three of us is great!  I hang on to that like crazy and try to hold it in my heart!  That is how I combat all of the bitch of it. 

This year I’m taking a few steps that I think will help.  I’m asking DH to set up drop off and pick up time for SD13 without allowing BM to change things. That way we can plan our day and expect the incoming and outgoing.  We are NC with SD18 and I have blocked her on my phone. I’m asking DH to make sure she has no access to me this day.  I’m asking DH to keep me out of any contact with MIL, SD18, and BM.  I don’t want to know or even hear any of their names on this day.  I’m also asking DH to talk to SD13 on the way home from her Mother’s Day with BM to remind her how important this day is to me.

Maybe this won’t change anything but at least I will know DH and I both did our best….I will put my blinders on and only focus on D15 and all of the joy she has brought to my life.  I know I’m blessed to have her and I’m sticking to that thought.

Does anyone else struggle with Mother’s Day and find her to be kind of a bitch?  How do you deal?