How do I demote SS20 from basement to a bedroom?
Last week, my mother was feeling sick. Immediately I decided to stay with her until she felt better. I asked SS20 to drive me to my mom’s and take DD5 to her dad at his job. On the way there SS wants to know what I was doing and told me that he didn’t think it was a smart idea for me to go because he thought I needed to be there for DD5.
He went on to say that there were many things he did under his father’s rule such as take 5 Mollys a day and stated that my daughter could be doing the same thing if something happened to me. I told him that everyone has to die at some point and that I trusted that my daughter would not do those things...but if she did, there’s not much I could do about it if I was dead. He then asked me if there was anything I could have done to help him when he was struggling and I told him I didn’t believe there was. He asked again if there was anything I could have done as a stepmom for me to help him and I told him no, because his mother and father weren’t looking into his stuff so he would have only resented me.
Afterwards my H called me stating SS20 was at his job pretty much crying and stating that I said I didn’t care about my daughter, which he obviously told H in an incorrect context. I had to clarify to H what the actual convo was.
In any case, that very night they admitted my mother to the hospital and she had covid. I then waited for her discharge and was preparing her to stay in my basement. When we told SS20 he began to state that he feels she can stay in the main house and that he needs the basement to “meet his goals with the studio”. He stated he had goals that he’s trying to meet by the end of the year and that he needs the basement to use his music studio to meet those goals.
I was livid but I tried to reason and explain to him that that was not a priority. I was so taken aback by his response that I told H I don’t want him in the basement anymore period. In my opinion, he only wants it because he knows he can sneak people in, and he gets to party as evidenced by the multiple empty bottles of liquor and many lighters. My mother is super independent so refused to stay with us upon her discharge.
The kicker is that we finally got his car fixed, and he didn’t even have the entire amount of money to fix it (2300). He should have had money to fix it: I did his taxes, he got a stimulus check and he gets paid at least 600 weekly. Plus the the job gave them a 1k bonus (forgot to tell you guys that H got him a job working with him as a doorman). That first month he worked in February, they didn’t have our address correct so they gave him 5 checks at once in March. However, all he had was 1k out of like 6k he should have had. Idk what he’s doing with his money but I need him to save so he can move out. He’s not doing us any favors living here and I don’t see that he has a plan to leave because it seems we have made him too comfortable.
H just put his head down when I tell him all of this and asks if I can tell SS20 because he feels bad that we are taking away his privacy. So now I have to think of a way to address this without being mean
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Comments
Who gives a crap if this
Who gives a crap if this overgrown selfish ass baby thinks you are "being mean" by "only" allowing him to live for free (I assume he is not paying rent) in a bedroom instead of the entire basement of a house!
Perhaps if he "only" has a bedroom he will be more likely to move out faster.
Also, 5k is a lot of money to blow through with nothing to show for it. Even worse you ended up paying his car repair because of it. How on earth can you even do that when most things are closed? Does he do drugs (clearly he has past abuse issues)?
About the rent part
He does give us 400 monthly as per our request since we bought the house last year and I have no idea what he did with his money! He gave us another 1k yesterday but it was the pint that he should have had at least 6k saved up. The economy is closed, there's no restaurants open, I have no idea what he spent his money on. And the worst part to me is that H doesn't seem to notice these things.
You move his stuff yourself.
You move his stuff yourself. I wanted to write throw his stuff in the garage if you have tooo but...I refrained.
20 year old should be in his own place, paying his own bills. Either by himself or a bunch of single guys his age.
Stop being worried your mean...lol taking charge of your home is far from being mean.
jmo
Uhh why is this man child
Uhh why is this man child even living in your house?
Why is daddy making you be
Why is daddy making you be the bad guy? Nope, he does it. No reason for you be the scapegoat. You got enough to handle with your mother. Time for H to put on his buttkicking boots and parent.
If my Mother (rip mom) was
If my Mother (rip mom) was arriving at my home to recover,,,you bet I would move the stuff myself when he wouldnt AND is pitching a fit too.
Acts of charity mean something....something this adult kid lacks.
I hope your mom is ok...serious stuff.
Thank you
Thanks Goodluck, my mom is better. She was discharged from the hospital this past week and went to stay in her own little apartment even though I begged her to stay with me. We ended up not having to use the basement for her after all, but it was the point of how entitled my SS was behaving that made me so upset.
Your welcome smto3...I am not
Your welcome smto3...I am not surprised your mother wanted to go back to her place. Awwww. they just feel better when they are at home.
Shows you who ss is, doesnt it? Sorry
All I could think of was that
All I could think of was that episode of either wife swap or trading spouses where one family just catered to the 19 year olds Rap career even though all the other children either worked or did chores.
Good Lord move him to the bedroom. Reduce his rent if he's even paying it . Heck maybe he'll finally move out without his super cheap studio pad.
Better question
How do you move this adult from your basement and into his own place.
He sounds like a manipulative, game-player. No one has time for that!
Yes!
Better question indeed! Shoot I'll even help him pay for a months rent, I just want him out!
"H just put his head down
"H just put his head down when I tell him all of this and asks if I can tell SS20 because he feels bad that we are taking away his privacy"
I would have no respect for a man who said something like that.
OP, you do realize that given your H's fear of upsetting his Precious Prince, that said Prince will not be leaving your home any time soon, right?
Hey tog
Tog, this is why my marriage is in huge trouble. I haven't been attracted to my H for a while now due to what I perceive to be lack of parenting, and I'm moving towards purchasing a coop and selling the house. I am starting to think it's best that he raises his boys alone (or not), and for me to go my way with our DD until he can manage to get the boys out of the house. They aren't the worst kids ever...but I don't think I was meant to live with PAS kids. There was a time I believed it could all work out and things would change but 8 years has gone by and where my H once convinced me that boys would leave sometime after 18, we are going on having the almost 21 year old still at home and for me, just like I'm sure for the boys, it has never felt like a family. It's always felt forced and uncomfortable and they have always used their mother as an excuse to fail.
Your H is worried about SS's
Your H is worried about SS's privacy?
SS can move out, pay all of his own bills, and have all the privacy he wants.
Your husband is an enabler, as he is not encouraging his son to grow up and be responsible. You shouldn't have to be your husband's enabler by doing his "dirty work" for him (which is actually just being a parent).
But, I would do it if need be. Otherwise, this is your life.
Be prepared for both of them to cry.
I think I'd boot them both
I think I'd boot them both out - or more likely, boot myself out. Wimpy men hold no appeal for me.
Yes to all points
The plan was initially to have SS moved out by the end of the year, he could save 1k monthly and keep 1k to himself. He should have had 20k by the end of the year (after bonus time). But being that he has not saved since getting this new job in February and H does not and never has held him to it, I highly doubt he will be moved out.
So your elderly mum has covid and ss and hubby feel life
Is unfair that precious ss has to move out so you can make sure your elderly mother has the support she needs whilst she recovers from covid??
Those 2 are being such selfish effin arseholes... now hubby doesn’t want to man up and have his son grow the eff up!! He is actually asking you to do this so you will be the bad guy.
that conversation with ss saying you don’t care about him?? Yeah its not yor job to care more about him than his bio parents. The issue is he should be taking it up woth his parents if he felt they neglected him but instead he is attacking you for not caring more