Negligence and Lice and Venting

DH and I have main custody of my SS who will be 10. He sees BM on weekends, something she and DH have as a written out agreement. There has been a lice problem at her house and her mother's household for years, and from what she has admitted has been over 9 years. We have asked her to take care of the problem but it is still a recurring problem to this day. I don't want the visitation to stop but I do want the family to get rid of the lice since it has been an issue SS's entire life and we have begged them to get rid of it and offered product recommendations in the past but they refuse to acknowledge it as a problem. I now have my own little baby boy who SS loves to be around. We have barely managed to keep the lice from spreading since I shave DH and SS's hair quite short and keep mine very short along with combing every time he comes back along with using products, gel, lice combs, and keeping vigilance. I also have made sure to check everyone's hair and made sure he hasn't been getting this from school which now for certain I know he hasn't for the only places he visits is BM and her mother's. Some weeks when his BM can't see him I have noticed no lice until the next visit. DH and I are afraid to take any legal action because we're afraid BM will retaliate with withholding SS and taking us to court which she has done before in the past. We completely support the current visitation agreement and we want to keep it that way. BM says it's too difficult and expensive to get rid of lice because it's such a large household, I believe 8+ people in a 3 bedroom at her mother's and I understand that can be difficult... I am almost so frustrated that I am considering just paying for the treatment myself and hiring experts but I'm certain they'll refuse any of that because I am the "P**ta SM" I go to all my SS's school events which BM never goes to and I talk with his teacher who doesn't even know BM and she had to ask DH and I what size shoes and pants he w is wears all the time. SSthinks it's normal to have lice all his life..

negligent BM

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Sorry for such a long blog

Sorry for such a long blog but I've literally been dealing with this for 4 years... And it's so frustrating. The last part was just that she asks what sizes he wears all the time because she can never care enough to remember his size and my SS argues with me about how lice is normal to have all the time because BM has it too. I tell him it's normal to get sometimes but not to have your whole life and he is always baffled by me saying that.

Has anyone reported it to CPS

Has anyone reported it to CPS as neglect?

Yes, DH and my mother-in-law

Yes, DH and my mother-in-law multiple times when DH and BM were together they kept on reporting it even after. CPS never looked into it though and it's considered non-urgent. We tried one last time a year and a half ago but gave up after nothing got resolved.

What a pain for you, but just

What a pain for you, but just heartbreaking for SS. Does he not get picked on at school? I just can't imagine.

I would report this to the

I would report this to the child's pediatrician and let them know that BM is unwilling to treat the issue in her home. I would also report it every time he comes home from BMs, worst case CPS tells you to stop or they get off their a$$ and at least check it out.
Sounds like your SS grew up in a bit of squalor for awhile and he thinks that sort of lifestyle is normal, I'm sorry, poor kid.

If CPS wont do anything, as

If CPS wont do anything, as long as it's been documented about the lice, school, Drs and so on, court is your only option for intervention. It sounds like it would take a parent aide to go over and help clean that home of life, after 9years it has to be pretty infested. Also after a while over the counter treatments wont work, a tolerance is built up requiring Rx strength or special expensive treatment kits that contain tea tree oil.

This is what I was going to

This is what I was going to suggest exactly.

Time to get the courts involved. Just make sure to have back up with the pediatricians' notes as well as all the documentation you have - texts, emails, past dr's visits, cps calls, etc. when you go. Get it court ordered that she cleans her house up or visits stop. That is disgusting and I can't even imagine all the other kids he has passed it to!!

My daughter once got lice at a sleepover 3 years ago, I was LIVID at the mother for a solid year. I would not let my DD go to her house or that child come to mine. Poor SS is probably known as the dirty kid at school