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Seriously wtf....

Johnson_87's picture

Submitted by Johnson_87 on Mon, 02/17/2020 - 8:36pm

Recently I've been having vivid dreams about an ex lover. I've known him since I was 15. I've been with my DH for the past six years. Before I was with my DH I was with the ex on and off for four years. We weren't really official. When I had gotten with my DH all sexual contact was completely cut with the ex, but we'd still talk from time to time. Once my husband and I got married I cut off all contact. 
 

I absolutely LOVE my DH, wouldn't leave him for this guy because in my heart, I honestly know that I'm not interested in going from being an SM to one, to being an SM to 3. The BM the ex is currently with is definitely HC. However, these vivid dreams, coupled with the lack of emotional connection and intimacy with DH is making me think of the ex more often than I'd like to. The ex and I have a long history, and I used to feel that we were connected in some cosmic way, but he wouldn't commit so I moved on. 
 

DH and I have been fighting for like the last six months because of a new Ours. We're not having sex often at all and we're barely affectionate. I found out the ex is going to marry and I can't help but to feel selfishly that I don't want him to, but I am happy for him at the same time. I think that if things were better with DH, this wouldn't bother me so much. I feel bad for even feeling this way.

Comments

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 1:39am

You've recently had a baby, your marriage is in trouble, (couples often break up after a first baby) and you're escaping in your head by fantasising about your ex.  This is a symptom of your current disatisfaction, which needs addressing with your DH, in my opinion. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 5:30am

This has nothing to do with the old lover, it has to do with your dissatisfaction with your current relationship, as Kes said - work on that.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 7:26am

Shortly after finding out STBX was cheating I literally had a few dreams about an old STALKER.  Was he terrifying, yes.  But would he have cheated? Definitley not.  Sometimes the mind just projects when you're upset.  It doesn't mean it means anything.  I mean obviously I'm not gonna run off and date the stalker homie...  But I was dissatified and upset.

You should address those with your DH, and possibly even a therapist Smile

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 9:22am

This has nothing to do with the old guy.  He is just a convenient person.  If it wasn't him it would be someone else from your past or the hot neighbor or co-worker.  It is easier to develop a fixation on someone else than deal with the real issues simmering between you and your DH.  

Find someone to talk those issues over with so that you can address them calmly and fully with him.  But not a family member or friend that also knows your DH.  That can get really sticky.  Therapists are super safe and you can even find them online now using Facetime so you don't have to go to an office.  Very helpful since you have a young baby.  Good luck in resolving this before it spins out of control.