Suggestions needed on how to counter parental alienation
DH has full Legal Custody of YSS13 and BM gets Visitation. BM called DH to come get YSS about three mouths ago because he was acting up. YSS13 told DH For years BM and her husband tried to turn YSS13 against DH. For years YSS13 played along with BM and told her what she wanted to hear. Bad things about DH and that YSS hated DH. Till one day he could not take it anymore and FLIPPED out on both of them and smashed BM's car window.
Now looking back YSS13 has always had Severe mental problems, Depression and violent outbursts. YSS13 has been Prescribed psychiatric medication and seeing a psychiatrist since he was seven. NOW we wonder if BM's years of trash talking and Encouraging YSS to go along has caused or at least made SS's Mental condition worse???
Now how do we know YSS is just not lying??? Because YSS told us things that was said during Therapy appointments or P/T Conferences that he would never know unless BM told him. YSS also knew things that DH told BM when he was at school and no way of over hearing.
Within a few days YSS13 was talking again to BM and going back over. YSS13 loves BM regardless. DH never said anything to BM about this as she would just lie as she's done in the past.
So my question is should we bring this to YSS13 therapist attention or just drop it? Again BM will Deny this if asked but not sure if I'm right about BM being a big factor in YSS Emotional problems.
Also I'm sure BM is still trying to Alienate YSS from DH BUT now being more Subtle. Should DH be checking in and asking certain questions to see if BM is or again just let it go?
I would nonchalantly bring up
I would nonchalantly bring up in therapy some of things YSS has said. Be matter of fact about it, do not be accusatory towards BM. Let the therapist explore it and make his/ her own concluyif YSS is lying or if BM is alienating.
BMs trash talking of your DH
BMs trash talking of your DH to SS certainly could be considered abuse as he is a mentally fragile young teenager.
Others will have an opinion on whether to tell the therapist (I guess the thing there is what can be done about it?)
I would certainly attempt to investigate whether they discuss coping strategies with him, and periodically review these strategies (as this is a skill he is going to need in his adult life later on).
Definitely bring it up with
Definitely bring it up with the therapist - but, don't count on being able to counter the effects of this toxic mother. Her pull on him is strong.
I advise a full confrontation
I advise a full confrontation model. Give the therapist everything. Counter any PAS with the full and complete facts.
Zero tolerance, bring the facts, and tolerate zero bullshit.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I completely understand that these kids are pawns in the toxic blended family opposition parent's games. At some point the kid needs to be held accountable for knowing the truth and for their chosen behaviors. Even if they are the victim of a toxic PASing POS parent.
Thanks everyone
Now for all the years BM has tried to turn SS Against us it has not worked. Sure he may have agreed with BM or laughed when BM made "fat jokes" against DH BUT not once did SS ever bring that Negativity home. Yes he's a spoiled brat BUT he loves DH to death and I believe could never be turned against DH. Unfortunately SS loves BM just as much and I think afraid of rejection if he did not play along. I'm just hoping BM does not screw him up mentally even more then he is by Parental alienation
You have to fight alienation.
You have to fight alienation. My husband thought for years that taking the high road was the way to go. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right choice. If kids hear bad things about a parent over and over and over and nothing is done to discredit it, then they will believe it is the truth. It's too late for my family - it's been over 10 years. Treated like an ATM. I could go on for hours what the BM in our situation has done. We call her 50 shades.... for 50 shades of cray.
IMHO you are absolutely right
IMHO you are absolutely right. We tolerated none of the manipulative crap from the blended family opposition. We rubbed their noses in the stench of their crap any time they dished it out.
Lather, rinse, repeat. We kept SS updated on the facts to counter their crap in an age appropriate manner. He eventually got to the point where he was informed and sensitive to their crap to the point he could call them on it and bare their asses in real time when they pulled their crap while he was on SpermLand visitation. An informed, confident, and respectful older child can recognize and deal with bullshit when it is spewed. When SS would call bullshit while on SpermLand visitation SpermGrandHag would call in a rant "Why does he know about that?????? That was so long ago it doesn't matter any more." My DW would respond with "Then why did you lie to him about if it happened so long ago and doesn't matter any more? Try the truth next time. That way you won't embarrass yourself."
Kids need the facts when they are being manipulated by the blended family oppostion.
Zero tolerance works. IMHO kids need the facts and the truth to be able to protect themselves from a toxic parent not only as they are growing up but also through their adult lives. My SS is the only of the SPermidiot's 4 all out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas who is a performing viable adult. His sister, spawn #2, detests their father but was raised by the same person who created the Spermidiot and is struggling to be a successful adult. The youngest two are gang bangers with criminal records and the Spermidiot is living through them for his dream to be a Crip or a Blood. He is a Howdy Doody Opy Cunningham white guy and his two youngest are biracial. Sadly... they have lived up to his gang banger dream. It breaks my son's heart that his younger brothers have slammed down the SpermClan Gangster Dad KoolAid.