DH and I agreed on the following:

1. If they wanted to attend a four year college full time they would need to get scholarships and student loans.

2. If they lived with us while going to college they would need to get a part time job so they can cover half of tuition and books, no rent would be paid.

3. If they didn't got go college they would need to get a full time job and move out, or if they couldn't afford to move out right away, we would discuss what was a good move out date and help them set up to save for that date.

1. I have a daughter who has just started at the local university. The cost is pretty low and we paid it - 170€. She will pay for everything else

2. and 3. No, I don't expect her to pay rent. She's working 24 hours/week so she can pay for her transport, books, clothes, meals on campus and any entertainment she might have time for. 

My OSS just started college. He has to max out grants, scholarships, and any federal loans before DH and FIL chips in (FIL has a college account for my SSs, so his contribution is what is in those accounts). OSS has to maintain his grades in order to receive any financial help.

Since he is a freshman, his grad gift from us was all the things he needed for his dorm. FIL gave him his used car that wasn't worth much. OSS got enough in scholarships this year that his check back from the school covered his books. He is expected to get a job to pay for his own upkeep - no more cash from us.

OSS was told that even if he went to school locally, he couldn't live with us (not sure about what BM said). He needed to live in the dorms or an apartment. He needed to learn how to be an adult, and he wasn't going to get there staying at home.

A lot of this will depend on family resources (bio family)... and what planning may have been done to date.. previous expectations.  For example, I would think it unfair if a teen had been told that their parents were paying for college and then one of them decided to not do it and spend the money saved on a new car.  Family finances will also potentially impact how much finacial burden is expected to be born by the family/student vs grants and other financial aid.  I might also throw in what the actual educational goal is for the student... and how well they have prepared themselves for going to school.. have they done the "work to earn the privilege"?

But..

Q1.  Very dependent upon family circumstances.  My parents were able to pay for my college and expenses... pretty much fully, but I did work for spending money.  Financially it was not a burden for my family really and both of them have post graduate degrees and it was definitely an expectation.. not a choice that my brother and I would attend college.  But, I think it can be reasonable to expect the student to make some monetary contribution.. even if it is only for their spending money.  Books and tuition and living expenses are very high.. it's tough to expect a teen to earn that kind of money from a part time or even full time job.

Q2.  I would not generally expect a child to pay rent if they are living at home while going to school full time.  The second depends on what the bio parents can afford and how much they want to facilittate their child living locally to the school or on school property.  there are benefits to having the kids live a bit more independently.. even if it is subsidized by their parents while in school.. but if it is not something a family can afford? make the kid live at home and attend Com College for a couple years then a local 4 year for the remaining two years while living at home.

Q3.   IF they are going to school and carrying a full time load... a part time job is all I would demand if living at home.  If they are going Part time.. a more full time job.. and perhaps paying rent in the latter case.  If they aren't going to school.. a full time job and pay rent.

I also would highly encourage kids to explore trade schools.. apprenticeships... military service if their family can't afford college.  I am less and less convinced that a  college education is a positive thing for a lot of kids.. people with multiple degrees.. student loans up the butt and in a job that makes 50K or less? there are tons of trades that allow for much better earning without that high cost of a college degree.. and newsflash.. all the knowledge in college is online and can be accessed for free.. you want education.. you can do it without the degree if it's a natural thirst for knowledge.

I've told my kids that going to college and getting good grades is their job so they don't have to work or pay rent. My oldest went to a tech school on financial aid and lived at home during her training. My other college aged kid is on full scholarship so his job is school and his sports team.  He and well as his younger brother are both still CAS's Children Attending School so they both get CS from their dad to help pay for essentials.  I want to support my kids as much as possible now so that they can be successful in the future.  

DH was injured while in the service, so all dependents have 100% funded in state public tuition for 4 years. DH made this sacrifice and SD has zero interest in college. She hates school (always has). I'm a teacher too, so it makes it even harder. 
 

I'm suspecting that when SD turns 18 in 8 years, she will not be interested in college. Our baby will be 7 by then, and I'm assuming it won't be "cool" to be living with a little kid. BM acts like her BFF, so I'm assuming she will want to live with her after high school. Just my presumptions though. 
 

On the off chance SD actually stays here, DH would have her get a job at the least and pay rent.

QUESTION ONE.....They get a quarter of what's in the 529 for each year (four years). Anything more is on them via jobs or loans they handle.

QUESTION TWO......no rent if living at home but have to be passing their classes. Rent is part of that quarter of the 529.

QUESTION THREE....we would expect a job for extras or they learn to live without the extras. Again, what can be covered by the 529 is covered by that.

My skids are only 16 and 14 right now but my husband and I have already had this discussion with them so they can be prepared. 

Q1 - If they are pursuing something major like medical school, we will help them out as best we can. But since neither of them are that ambitious, we told them they need to get a job now and start saving and apply for scholarships. I have spent the last 16 years in and out of college and my husband never attended so we are of the opinion that they need a reason to go to college and that they can pay for it themselves. 

Q2 & 3 - If they choose to go to college, they can live with us rent-free but they have to have at least a part-time job and are expected to stay continuously enrolled. If they want to live elsewhere, they'll have to get a job to pay for it.

This may all sound harsh, but we've been training them to become adults so when the time comes they know what to do. We'll always be there to help them out when they inevitably can't make rent or need groceries, but they shouldn't need full monetary support or housing for that long.

These are also the agreements specifically at our house. BM has no expectations and my bet is both kids will try to stay living with her for free as long as possible. 

So my SD17 is embarking on looking at schools etc.. Her parents were divorced 16 years ago, and the Decree states that each parent will pay 50% after any scholarships etc.. Just found out that BM expects SD to take out loans for her half. Should we be heading back to court? Why should we dip into our savings if BM is a deadbeat? (BM is financially stable and able to take out loans etc). 

In and ideal situation 

1.  Bios or SK's.  We (Parents and ex's ) would pay tuition books living expenses. Kids pay any extra's (Cell Phones, Car Insurance etc.) This is providing they go to a reasonably priced college.  

2.  If they want to live with us no charge at all.  If they could live with us as they were close enough but just want to live with friends they pay 100% of their living expenses.  

3.  If they live with us and get good grades we would help where we could with normal expense things but they would need to get a part-time job or student college work-study job for spending money.

What really happened.

My son went to school and he got student loans also and always worked and helped pay his own expenses.

SS free ride DH paid everything, he didn't have to work and always wanted MORE

SD went to school failed out 3 times.   BM took our money and never paid the school and school has judgement against SD for tuition and fees.  

We offered  our son (My former SS who I adopted at his request) the full meal deal mom and dad scholarship to any college or university in the world he wanted to attend and could get into.

We would pay for anything and everything on the condition that he received a C or better in each and every class.  Anything less than a C on any class taken would cost him that entire semester's worth of support from us.

If he chose to not go away for school he could live at home at no cost as long as he was a full time student in good standing with his school.

If he chose to attend school part time he had to work part time.

If he chose to not go to school he had to work full time until his mom and I decided it was time for him to launch. 

He chose none of the above.

So, we worked his ass off and made him our full time live in house boy/chore bitch.  The daily chore list increased as we saw fit.  He cleaned, swept, mopped, polished, scrubbed, vacumed, dusted, washed, folded, put away, pressure washed, weeded, trimed, planted, painted, sliced, diced, chopped, cut, cooked, served, cleaned, and put away.  If he finished the days chores by bedtime he got to stay in the home and do it all again the next day. If he didn't finished, he spent the next day on the front step with no water, food, etc... When we got home he could bust his butt to get it all done while not waking us up. The next day he had to finish the previous day's duties and the current day's duties.

4mos after his 18th birthday he enlisted in the USAF.  We worked  him for 4 more months until we dropped him off at MEPS for USAF BMT.

We bought him a brand new car as a combination HS Graduation, Christmas, Enlistment gift, an apartment full of furniture, and let him know that we were proud of him and would have his back as long as he did his best.

He is 7mos from completing his first 10 years of service.  He is beginning his 4th year of a three year assignment in Germany.  He applied for and was accepted for a one year extension. He has completed an ASCS, is working on his BSCS and just made the promotion list for E6.  He intends to make the USAF his first career and do at least 20 years.  We are very proud of him.

I am a fan of parents who raise quality children to viable adulthood, encourage those kids to pursue education and viable careers.  How that happens is not nearly as important as ensuring that it does happen.

In our case... SS-28 gave his mom and I a huge financial bonus by pursuing his university education in parallel with his career using his USAF service benefits.  As our sole heir and beneficiary, he will get that back in spades.  Hopefully decades down the road after his mom and I enjoy more of our lives together and enjoy being a part of his life.