Facebook SM support groups/pages
Is it me, or are the Facebook groups and pages that support SMs really judgemental??? Like they act like you're crazy or they gas light you on your situation? I've experienced that several times and it's actually made me antisocial and not want to ask questions. To me, it's so crazy because as a SM, we deal with some super weird and crazy situations, if anybody should understand it should be another SM. I'm wondering if we're programmed to respond the way others respond to us. Without compassion. Like it's terrible if you set boundaries with your SKs, or its terrible that you have any ill feelings, and you're silly for feeling uncomfortable with certain things, you have to accept whatever is thrown at you. Ugh, sorry I had to rant!!!
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A lot of Facebook pages are
A lot of Facebook pages are toxic, it seems to me, on all topics, unless they are heavily moderated. People get nasty.
Very true
I'm starting to realize no matter how good of intentions you have, other people can certainly have their own miserable agenda. They definitely increase the anxiety factor with the toxicity!!
I think this forum is so much
I think this forum is so much different because it's annoymous so people can truly say how they feel and think. I've posted on baby center about an issue relating to my SD and arrival of my new baby and was attacked and made out to be an evil SM lol. Different places = Different advice
I agree. The ability to
I agree. The ability to remain anonymous allows people to say more of what they truly feel without potentially hurting their stepchildren. Even though I've had some very difficult emotions regarding my step child I would't want them to be hurt by how I've felt.
I don't think any normal
I don't think any normal person purposefully wants to hurt their step kids feelings. My point was you can't even admit your feelings on those other sites because people will attack you for not being this perfect Brady bunch wanna-be family. For most of us, that isn't an attainable reality.
Because honestly, I never
Because honestly, I never knew kids could be toxic. Granted they learn the behavior, but before I became a SM I had no clue the manipulation power SKs can have. Denying those experiences and saying because they are kids you shouldn't feel that way is not realistic. And yes, you definitely also don't want them to know your true thoughts all the time, so in a group where everyone is anon can be helpful.
This is the place we can
This is the place we can speak the most honestly. I like reddit too but there you can only complain about your SO or BM because they will run you out if you say anything negative about stepkids.
I picture a FB SM site as a
I picture a FB SM site as a bunch of people posting pics that show what awesome SMs they are. But i've never been on one.
I like your vision much better
but no, most of them most of the time are filled with a bunch of catty women who are super judgmental about someone else's struggles, are hypocritical and condemn them if they don't worship the ground their step kids walk on. There are some women who actually provide helpful and insightful advice. There are a few who may offer words of encouragement, but often I see a lot of women including myself feeling much worse than before posting.
I'm in a Facebook group that
I'm in a Facebook group that most members had to deal with hcbm that withhold visitation and alienate and some with skids with disturbing behaviors. I have left 2 other sm groups that promote the hug and love them even if you catch them in the act of trying to kill your dog. The only thing good about babycenter is reading the crazy inlaw section.
Yesssssss! The step board
Yesssssss! The step board expects you to bend over backwards for your step kids reguardless of the situation! But the in law boards are amazing!!!!! My favorite are the MIL intruding during labor and delivery! Not saying i enjoy laughing at other people's misery (I'm not horrible) but jeeeze some of the stories are entertaining that people can actually be that crazy!
Baby center gave me major anxiety
When I was pregnant so I've stayed off of there but I'm interested to see the in law boards lol
Step life is a whole
Step life is a whole different ball game than I ever imagined it to be. But dear lord so can in laws! Basically it comes down to passive partners in both situations. You gotta read some of them for some entertainment
I was on my birth board but
I was on my birth board but rarely posted. Just a wallflower reading. I didn't take any stock in other women's experiences b/c I knew there was absolutely no way to predict how mine would go. I just hoped for the best and go with the flow. Surprising for someone with generalized anxiety disorder.
Love your screen name lol
I just can't with the special coveting of SKs. There are some great SMs with equally great SKs but some are just plain pains in the butt, and I think that needs to be acknowledged that we deal with some who have real behavior issues that stress us out. But from the other SMs all you hear is "They are kids" "Just ignore it" "Things aren't easy for them". Like yea well, I'm barley hanging by a thread so I guess I'll just continue to be walked over. Smh
You have to blow sunshine up
You have to blow sunshine up their ass or you're banned. I found that true in bio mom groups as well.
I've found some stepmoms and biomoms play tit for tat. Pick your battles.
I agree, the slightest hint
I agree, the slightest hint of you standing up to bullying or snarky behavior from other group members, you'll be kicked out. I hate bullying behavior and I have no problem with calling people out on it.
I was told I wasn't being
I was told I wasn't being supportive. No, I'm not going to support a mom taking her ex to court over stupid shit. Nor am I going to be supportive to a stepmom causing unnecessary harm to bm.
Where is this...it might be
Where is this...it might be fun to read....blow SMOKE up their xxx
lol
There is one group that is
There is one group that is hidden and private that I am in that is amazing! The rest suck... like a whole lot of under cover bitter BM's. I was in a few early on in my relationship with DH... before I even came back here (I was a stepmom before and got divorced) but I had to get out of them. Super toxic stuff.
I like it here
Think I'll leave the FB groups alone. It's very traumatic when you don't already have other ppl in your life whom understand your situation, you look to what is considered a "support" group, and all they are doing is being bitter and making you feel like crap over things you can't even control or even asked for.
I never even looked into
I never even looked into Facebook groups for stepmother type stuff. Mainly for identity purposes and just how Facebook is in general. Just read your local news posts.. I'm sure they are filled with strangers arguing, calling each other names, etc based on their opinions/beliefs.
My guess is some of those SM's on the Facebook pages that are all about the skids/kids are also HCBMs on the flip.
Sounds like the bully and drive people away when someone doesn't agree with them. Sounds a lot of like what we read on here. Lol.
Most of the time you have the
Most of the time you have the ability to remain anon when posting, but people commenting on your anon post are not anon themselves. Definitely a lot of bullying behavior and they hate to be called out on it. I think it's perfectly fine to have a difference of handling life situations, but there's a way to come across in presenting that. And definitely, there are more and more BMs infiltrating the pages that are also probably not able to handle SOs HBCM, but also an HBCM to some other poor lady. It's crazy. Some women scoff at your struggles and that I do not find to be appropriate. My advice is to stay away from the groups lol
I dont even like the normal
I dont even like the normal mom groups. I'm either a straight up judgemental b*tch or too jaded for other people's dumb BS. LOL. Its highly unlikely I'll be making mom friends when my daughter goes to school.
Well at least you’re honest lol
Me, I'm way too straightforward for some. I don't like people minimizing what someone else is going through, especially a SM because that could be any one of us at any time. I have no problem calling ppl out on BS. That definitely doesn't fly well in those groups lol either you conform or you're confrontational and ruining it for other people. Oh well.
I also likely will not have any mom friends because of my straightforward nature. I'm not rude unless I'm getting the same vibe back, and I do try and empathize with ppl more often than not