Need Serious Help with Teenage Step Daughter
I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love to pieces yet I can't stand his daughter! She constantly demands attention (for example she is currently on vacation with her Mother and calls her Dad to tell him she is miserable because no one is paying attention to her) and when I am at their home she has to be sitting next to her Dad on the couch. When I'm not around she pretty much ignores him, so I realize it is a jealousy issue on her part but it makes me REALLY not want to be around her at all! I have 2 adult children (both boys) and they have been pleasant and fun to be around pretty much their whole lives, which makes it even harder to deal with her. Recently we went on vacation and spent a night with my family who she stole from while we were there, so I have given up on trying to have a relationship with SD as she has violated my trust and taken advantage of my family and our hospitality! Should I just leave the relationship? No sure I can take another 3+ years of her!
- Jeanied123's blog
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What does your wonderful man
What does your wonderful man do to correct his daughter’s behavior? Did he punish her for stealing from your family?
He (at my insistance) made
He (at my insistance) made her return the item and apologize but also stated it was highly likely it was just an accident. The thing is, she stole a pair of air pods (wireless ear buds that cost $250) from a nightstand and hid them in the bottom of her bag. Not an accident!
How old is his daughter and
How old is his daughter and like the previous poster asked what does he do/say when it comes to her behavior?
Should I just leave the relationship? No sure I can take another 3+ years of her!
Should you leave or stay well you have to decide if your SO does not step up to parent, give consequences, and shows the child to respect if you can live like that should you choose to get married. It will only ramp up the older she gets and once you both tie the knot all h@ll will break loose. So really it all depends on him and how he handles the situation.
SD's Age
She is 15 and he took her cell phone away for a week
Would not assume she will be out in 3 years
What did he do re stealing?
ETA -- I see question answered
Hard to say
I too had this problem, SD when younger tried to take the roll of GF maybe ? *scratch_one-s_head*
Would snuggle next to him, roll her eyes if he’d come sit next to me, tried to dictate our sleeping arrangements because “she was scared of the dark”, etc.
It May resolve itself, but for me I’m now married 7 years with theee kids of our own a teen SD and it’s gotten so much more difficult to deal with.
Yes, I too made attempts, nails, shopping, one on one, hair, left her alone, engaged, disengaged etc.
Even now that her mother who’s been with her BF for 5-6 years is expecting their first child together it’s still a battle.
Choices
I guess at this point I have to decide what is worth it! I truly don't want to lose him, but I can no longer tolerate SD. I can be decent to her but I refuse to try to develop a real relationship with her anymore and refuse to invite her to my family functions!
He's showing you what type of
He's showing you what type of parent he is and will continue to be. Even once you are married you will still have no say over how he parents her.
If you marry him you need to go into this with eyes wide open he will always put her first. Have you sat down and talked with him about all of this? This will be your life and if he's not willing to compromise, are you? If not then there is your answer.
Too True
I am starting to see this and a few months ago I owuld never have dreamed of being done, yet I have hit my tolerance level and can't continue to let her dictate my relationship. Thank you for your reply!
Lucky
I would so GO. Not worth your sanity. That's why we have this site. We are all MISERABLE and the ones that deny that are LYING. Being a SM is the worst.
You need to tell him what you
You need to tell him what you’re telling us. But don’t blame his child—it’s his lack of parenting.
If you’re close to being done, that might be a wake up call for him.
If he convinces you to stay and you do, take a long time to observe. Expect the daughter to escalate her behavior. And watch how he responds. More likely than not he’ll revert to his lazy parenting ways.
Watch and Wait
I expect you are correct and sometimes I think I can make it a few more years, however I honestly think she will never be able to live on her own or be self sufficient or alternately end up pregnant before she graduates!
I don’t mean to depress you
I don’t mean to depress you further, but it doesn’t usually get better when they turn 18. They either don’t launch at all, move away for a bit but come back, or move away but still demand Daddeeee’s time, money and attention. And they almost always resent Dad’s wife/girlfriend forever.
Spend some time reading the Adult Stepkids forum.
Thank you!
Thank you, I will check into it. I think he's lost other relationships over this "terror of a child" and she is escalating so I'm sure I'm in for more drama and BS.
Depressed me.
It's Only gotten worse. I absolutely can't stand my three stepdaughters. One of em I swear want to make out w my husband (her dad!!). I can't wait til they have moved out and if they don't, I have my bags packed.
Of course this guy want you
Of course this guy want you to marry him. Then he"ll have everything he wants under one roof - his precious beloved, plus you to cook, clean, do the laundry, contribute financially and provide the one thing he (hopefully) isnt getting from his precious beloved - sex.
Exactly.
I fell for it and I've been miserable every damn day of my life. I can't wait for his three awful daughters to move out. If they don't, I'm as good as gone.