I dont think I'd consider using someone else's debit card without permission a small thing - it's theft. At 16 I think she needs to learn a lesson on what the consequences of that can be.

How did she get the card if your BD had it though? Did SD talk her into it?

Families.  I can understand why the older one has money, not certain why the 11YO has all the gift cards.  Do you and DH share money?  Not certain I would have dad's kids have to spend their own money and not my own if we shared money.   I would have had them eat at home.  

Aren't you upset with your daughter for handing it over? I'm not clear why you'd give her a debit card anyway (potential for your entire bank account to be stolen), but at the very least, she can't be trusted not to let others use it. How did you know SD was the one using it?

Yeah...I wouldn't trust my debit card to my 12 year old. Now you know that as well. Surely there was an ATM near the mall.

I would take the $8 back from SD. Either DH pays you back for the $8 & the food his kids ate, or you take it back in another way, as in refusing to pay for something for skids until you’ve gotten the money back. Your skids need to know they can’t just take what’s yours because they ‘don’t want to break $100’. Tough.

I’d also make sure to give DD cash next time instead of your card. Your skids should have used their own money they way they were supposed to, but your DD also needs to learn to say no to them & listen to what you’ve said about the card. If it was only meant for $20 spending money and HER food, then she shouldn’t have agreed to use it for them. All 3 kids made mistakes, not just skids. Though I completely understand your frustration, especially with SD being 16. She absolutely should know better. 

My adult SKIDS take money from my DH all the time!! They ALL have jobs, 2 of the 5 work for their dad and their pay is always blurry bc they aren’t hourly. They just work and he gives them money for what they need. They def don’t earn what they receive. When they need a pack of cigs everyday it adds up! It may seem petty to some but to most with skids that are takers, we get it. They have to learn to manage their own money rather than assume it’s there to be taken. Don’t feel bad!

Yeah I agree with SteppedOut - I think it's the cumulative effect that wears on you.  Little things are little things until they are all added together and become one giant pain.  

SDs are the same here. They get money and gift cards and hoard them, esp SD13. I know she has over $200 on cash at least. DH was wondering to me recently why she never spends it or uses her gift cards. "Because everyone always pays for her DH, why should she?" Silent blinks commence.

Both SDs got bank accounts several years ago too. I think OSD uses hers now but not YSD, it's still at a $0 balance and no one has taught her how to use it. She used to ask but I have no access to it (not a parent!) And I refuse to engage (not a parent!) So she gave up.

I'd make Skids pay me back. There was no agreement they could use your money. 

Get your BD her own debit card. You can put money on it or even set up a regular allowance. My son is 12 and he has one. Once the money on the debit card is gone, it's gone. And it's his money which he should be much more careful with.