I am new here so please go easy on me.  This post is my first and is just a brief synopsis of a mountain of crap over the years.

I have been a step mom to 2 skids for 13 years.  SD18 & SS21.  We have 50/50 parenting time.  I have a daughter 22, from a previous marriage who has been with us full time and does not live with us anymore.  When my husband and I met, the skids were 4 & 7 and my daughter was 8.  My husband is the love of my life.  When my husband and I got engaged, BM started creating problems.  Our "Honeymood Phase" was 2 years in court and constant e-mails, texts and threats.  She would constantly call my husband and berate him, calling him names and texting up to 20x a day.  If he looked at her wrong, she was "calling her lawyer".  It was her way or the highway.  During this time, my husband was talking & responding to her behind my back when we were told by a counselor to not respond.  Of course, the whole situation caused me to act out and become a person that was less than graceful.  I felt like I was the 3rd wheel in their family of 4.  The BM remarried the same year we married and she had 2 kids with her new husband. They are now divorced. 7 years into our marriage, I moved out for 6 months to clear my head, calm down and give the family a respite from the chaos.  The kids did not deserve to be in a household where my husband and I verbally argued.  Although my husband and I argued (over his lying and my distrust), it was never in front of the kids (although they heard it from the other room). I also started counseling and over the years did counseling for 5 years, hypnosis, acupuncture, anything I could to be healthier for the family and marriage and to learn how to cope with the issues.   If BM sent an e-mail, I would shake and had extreme anxiety.  I would also shake when going to the skids school programs even if we didn't see her or she was on the other side of the gym.  My husband also got individual counseling and we now have a very loving marriage.  We got out of the dark.  Up until recently, the kids were respectful to me and my husband.  To this day, I have never said a bad word about their mother and always walked on egg shells around the kids.  Basically kissing their asses and never raising a voice to them.  The issues between me and their father had nothing to do with them.  They didn't do anything.  The relationship between me and the skids up until the past couple years was loving, especially between me and SD18.  Once my SO & I's relationship got healthy a few years ago, the skids began acting out.  My SO and I don't fight anymore and its been years.  

Recently, the BM took SD18 on college visits and enrolled her in a very expensive state school.  Afterwards she went to a lawyer and is now seeking for us to pay the majority of tuition even though we were not consulted regarding the school or aware of the enrollment.  She cc'd SD18 on the e-mail that she sought a lawyer.  We spoke with our SD18 who said she had no idea her mom was going to do that, but in the meantime  SD18 has had an attitude that reeks of fish and as usual, it is directed at me.  Now, they are trying to pit my husband and I against each other, saying that ever since my SO met me, they have not had a dad, which is complete bullshit.  He is a great father.  The SD18 also accused me of telling her to cut herself which is a flat out lie.  During a conversation that my SO and I were having with our SD18 about college, she was being disrespectful, yelling, rolling her eyes, etc. and we told her her attitude was out of line.  At that point, our SS21 who has been staying with us over college break for the summer, ran upstairs and started yelling expletives about how all of his anxiety and mental issues was due to me and he has had it and can't be in our house anymore (due to me).  (Was he sitting at the bottom of the basement stair listening?)  The next day, both skids moved out and in with their BM.  We are now being taken to court for the college expense by BM.  The skids say they want nothing to do with their father if he is with me.  Probably because I do not put up with the manipulation and refuse to be emotionally extorted.  My husband is standing by my side, but it is betrayal  to both of us. We are not going to put up with being treated this way.  I also grew up in a blended family so am familiar with the dynamics.  I am sure they are never coming back, but my husband deserves to have a relationship with them.  I fear that they will continue to try to get their dad to leave me.  I do trust my husband.  I cannot believe that they are doing this to their father.  It hurts me too because I have bent over backwards for those kids since day one.  I made dinner every night, we had movie night every Friday, tucked them in, helped them with homework, family vacations, zoo, waterparks - a typical family and we were always together in the evenings and on the weekends. It is a slap in the face and I feel like BM is behind this whole thing.  Not sure if I need comfort or advice or to let anyone else going through this to know they are not alone.  I have been reading others posts and feel like I am reading about my own life in them.  Especially the one about BPD.  To a tee.  We reached out to the 3rd husband of hers and he said that BM has destroyed his relationship with his current wife and he gets constant e-mails and lawyer threats from her to this day.  He and BM have been divorced for 6 years and we always thought he was a decent guy.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I appreciate your feedback.