Thank you ahead of time for any advice & responses.

I've been married (2nd marriage) almost 10 yrs. I have 4 adult children, all married w/children & working full-time jobs & home mortgages. 

My husband (married 6 times) has 3 adult daughters.

Oldest daughter is married, 3 children, lives w/her husband's parents (does not pay rent, utilities, expenses, etc..).

2nd daughter single, bouncing from job to job, needs help financially often.

3rd daughter single (& child from a married man that has 4 children w/his wife). She's just gotten a job & my husband tends grandchild evenings so daughter can work.

She needs financial help on a regular basis.

History of his daughter's include: using drugs, selling drugs, shoplifting, arrest, job losses, suicide attempts (or threats of), thousands of $ spent on tattoos, false claims of rape & abuse of steparents, teachers, leaders, etc...

When we married, his daughters told me how "they got rid of the past wives before me) in detail by "going behind their dad's back & treating his new wife terribly, then claiming they never did any.

They do this to their step dads, also.

I was next when they turned that same treatment on me. 

It led to me almost leaving & the only way I was willing to stay was to keep our lives separated. 

My husband sees the youngest 2 daughters when I'm at work or away.

Oldest daughter has been tolerable until recently & has visited many times.

Her 3 children 7, 4 & 2 are "disciplined " in a manner that is terribly triggering to me. 

Daughter & her husband (tall, large 6 ft man), hold the 2 oldest children's heads back, put hot sauce or vinegar into their mouths when they "act up & talk back or say no" to their parents).

They plug their nose & hold their mouths shut (rendering their airway closed) until they "swallow ".

The children flail, their arms flying about not wanting to swallow & crying.

This is done *in my home while my husband watches & says *nothing. 

My first marriage was abusive & this behavior is toxic & triggering to me. 

My husband won't support me in not having this done in our home & won't say anything to his adult children....he says it's not my place to request anything. 

Well, after almost a decade of being married I literally begged him to stop this behavior in our home. I cried, I pled, explaining how it effects my soul & that I cannot stand by any longer watching this done to the children....especially in our home.

There are other options such as time out, talking to them,  privileges lost, etc...

Fast forward to them all coming for a visit (which BTW I am never included in, just told).

I asked my husband to please talk to them before the visit to choose an alternative discipline mode or go out of my view if they must.

He said he would...but of course wouldn't...no matter, he just wouldn't help me at all...completely refused as it might upset his daughter. 

So, as the visit crept closer I reached out in a tactful & kind text explaining how I loved them all & looked forward to seeing them, that this behavior was triggering to me personally & could they do it outside or out of my view.

That set off an immediate battle of my husband & them aligned together against me.

They were all angry w/me & they said, "they wouldn't come to the house to see my husband if I was there".

I realize most people would say "okay, don't come then", but I watched while my husband was sad & upset w/me.

I ended up leaving & couch surfing at my parents & adult son's home & hotel room.

Here's the clincher....while I was packing a cooler of food to be away for a full 10 days while they visited...my husband helped me pack the cooler for me. 

It broke my heart. 

He simply couldn't or wouldn't stand up for me. Just a simple, "Hey guys, not a big deal. I'm standing behind my wife on this. We're happy to have you, just please don't do the hot sauce & vinegar while you're here. Love ya".

Nope.... he helped me pack to leave so they would come stay.

It shattered my heart. 

This is the *first time in almost a decade of being married that I've asked them for even one thing...ever, & I learned quickly I stand alone.

I find myself withdrawing from my husband. 

I've canceled going on an upcoming vacation we had planned, because I don't feel trust or closeness with him. 

I feel like he's married to his adult daughters. 

I don't share my feelings or heart anymore with him. 

I'm tired of always taking a backseat to his adult daughters demands & wishes.

At $ going out to them & no retirement $ being saved. At having no say so in visits or how they trash our home when visiting....in essence, they are all okay w/me if I am pleasant & smile & have no wishes or opinion of any kind.

I feel invisible & not valued.

I've plead for literally years that my husband stand behind me, that my husband stand up for me....*he just won't. 

And now I find myself pulling away from him & letting the marriage fall.

We've tried marriage counseling once before, but nothing came of it. 

I met with his last 2 wives & they said the same pattern happened to them. 

I'm to a point of emotionally closing my heart, visiting my own adult children & grandchildren & friends.

Being a "couple" doesn't feel legitimate to me...it feels like, if I'm quiet & stay in my place they are all okay with me.

My husband can be attentive, give gifts, pays the bills, helps me after surgery, etc... but, when it comes to his adult daughters... I'm throw to the side to be on my own alone.