jealous of stepson
Little update. I decided to move in with my boyfriend. He started to give me more attention during the week. All is fine,exept his son is doing my nut in. im dreading the weekends now. He arrives friday noon and stays till sunday evening. I get it, he missed his dad,but hes doing my nut in..... The boy is almost 10 in a few weeks. yet its constant daddeeeee. The whole weekend, he needs to cuddle and hold hands with daddee. Both friday and saturday night , he needs to lay between us both in bed. Because he always has something every week,a cold,dizzyness,an arm that hurts,bad dream,a tooth thats loose. Just so he can lay in daddees arm. On top of that,they kiss on the mouth. I dont understand wich 10 year old boy acts like that. Maybe because my family never did it....Ive had a chat with him,and i need to ,,deal" with it. To him,theire doing nothing wrong. He doesnt get to spend time with his son for 4 days. So he wants to show the boy he loves him. Wich is fair,i get it. The kissing on the mouth disgusts me,but sure why not. But am i terribble person that i cant stand the constant hugging,cuddling,holding his hand and sleeping between us?
No, you aren't a terrible
No, you aren't a terrible person, it's all gross. No way I sleep in a bed with a stinky, farting 10-year-old who isn't my son, or a man who's cuddling with his almost pubertal son and kissing him on the lips. When I met my DH, my SS was 10 and I don't believe I saw him ever kiss him at all, much less on the lips. SS would sometimes lean on DH's shoulder while sitting on the couch, or hold his hand briefly, but that was about it. They hugged here and there. And he never once called him Daddy - it was always just Dad.
But the real deal breaker for me would be anyone telling me to just "deal with it" when I bring up concerns. Hope you can just move right out again. This guy is not a keeper.
Whaaaaaaat?!?!
Whaaaaaaat?!?!
Sleeping in bed with you? Ugh. Look, I get it, my formerSO TRIED to get me to allow that too (son approximately same age). Not just no, HELL NO. He reaaaaaally tried to lay guilt on about it. Nope, if he "needs" you to sleep with him, you are gonna have to go to his bed (I wasn't going to give my bed up!).
It's not normal for a child to sleep with parents at that age IMHO. It's a big HELL NO to sleeping with dad and dad's girlfriend/stepmom/boyfriend/whatever unrelated adult.
This is not a good sign for things to come. Any way you can move back out? At LEAST until his kid can sleep by himself?
thnx
At the moment moving out is hard. i moved from a different country to be with him. I thought i could deal with it. At the start it was cute,but now its working on my nerves. When were alone during the week,hes like the perfect partner. And the biggest problem is that hes son actually likes me. He always comes cuddle me aswell and involves me. He doesnt even shut me out. As daddee is with another man now,im surprised how he accepted and dealt with the situation
When a man would
rather sleep with his son, Then have hot sex with his wife, There something really wrong. You would think a normal man would want his kid out of his bed, to be with his wife.
good
Good to know im not the only one that thinks the situation is wrong
A few rather passive things
A few rather passive things you can do to retrain your BF:
Basically, the situation is new so it's best to start out as you intend to continue but you can't be bi!chy about it. Changing the dynamic is easiest when you employ subtlety, make your BF think he thought of it, and allow natural consequences to create change. However you should have an exit strategy, and If you see no improvement within a few months, cut your losses and get out.
thnx
Thnx a lot for this advice. Will think about this
Lol i totally second the nudity in bedroom
i am always nude so hubby would never let skids enter our room or a family member, they just hot to wait. I remember at hubbys family home where we visit a few times a year, we have our own room.
when my son was born and barely a month old, i went to shower quickly after breastfeeding him, less than 10mins. I kid you not i walk into my room with a towel on my waist and wearing a tshirt to a ss18 laying on my bed next to my son crying and he couldn’t give a stuff even to call dad and let him know our son (his half bro was waking up).
he left promptly when i gave him the “get the f*ck outta here look). Barely 2 mins later as i’m getting dressed and hubby was in the room ss knocks on the door and proceeds to enter without waiting for an answer from us. Hubby shouted at him “what the hell are you doing coming her?” He says he put his suitcases in our room. Hubby said they shouldn’ Be there as this isn’t his room and ss wanted to come in and get his bags, hubby told him no and hubby closed our door got his bags and plced it outside...
when we checked into a hotel last week ss had come along but was catching an uber ride after lunch with us back to university. Hubby told him to wait in the lobby while we put our bags in the bedroom.
maybe op needs to sarcastically say “this is so wrong that the room you fu*k me in is where you have a 10 year old boy about to go through puberty sleeping in between us, yeah i’m really feeling the romance hey? Nothing like making me in the mood than having a needy 10 yr old sleeping in between us and kissing my husbands lips”.
maybe you need to kick them out of the room now. Like lock yourself in and tell your man if he wants to sleep with ss do it in his room, this is my private space my bedroom. Your man should respect it
Nope, no prepubescent spawn
Nope, no prepubescent or older spawn in the relationship bed. Particularly on a regular basis. If the kid knocks, is granted permission to enter, sits on the edge of the bed for a quick talk that is one thing. But what you describe as being the case with your partner and his 10yo makes my skin crawl. Crawling into your relationship bed to canoodle and suck face with daddy is gross.
This kid is marking his territory and what he is doing is tantamount to him peeing on your leg. When a puppy does this you grab it by the scruff of the neck, rub its nose in the wet spot, swat it on the rump and toss it out the door. Time to apply the 10yo boy equivalent to this kid.
That your partner is not only facilitating this but is actively participating is moving him strongly to the write off column of the balance sheet IMHO.