His kids don't want to meet me and gave him an ultimatum
I(30F) have been seeing my boyfriend(50M) for little over 3 years. I am a single mom to my 5 year old daughter and he was three kids. Twin daughters(19) and a son(17).None of the kids wish to meet me.
I was not the reason why their parents got divorce. I will admit that i started seeing him while he was freshly seperated. One of his ex wife's friends saw the both us out one night and ended up telling her and she ended up telling the kids saying he cheated on her with me. That's not true at all.
He's tried explaning it to them that he didn't have an affair but it seemed like he did. They have started pulling away from him and now have little or next to no contact with him at all. He's heart-broken because of this. His daughters are saying that he's being very selfish and only thinking about himself and not them at all. He's a very good father and has always ensure at all of their needs and desires have been taken care of. They also have a problem because I'm much more closer to their age than him so that basically makes me a "gold digger". He's a general practitioner so yes he's well off but I'm a physical therapist. I make enough to lead a comfortable life for me and my daughter. His son barley speaks to him anymore. Maybe the occational text message but that's it.
The other day he tried call his kids to have dinner with him but no of them answered. One of his daughters messaged back and asked if he was going to break up with me. He said no and asked if she and her siblings wanted to meet them because he feels there been a lot of misunderstandings and he misses them a lot. All she responded with was "the same answer to you then".
His son calls him and asked him if he got off making him upset. He's done noting to make them so upset. Well his son gave him an ultimatium. "Us or her". He asked if he would be willing to talk to him in person tomorrow and his son agreed. So tomorrow the three kids and their dad are going dinner to talk about the situation at hand.
I don't knowwhat to think to tell you the truth. I see a possible future with him and he says he feels the same about me. I just don't know what tomorrow will be like
I was in a similar situation
I was in a similar situation with my dad. I was angry for a few years and didn’t talk to him- he just continuously reached out here and there and made it very clear to us that he was happy, and that he wouldn’t be giving up his relationship (neither me nor my siblings ever asked for that either though).
i was mad and wouldn’t talk to him, but I knew better than to give an ultimatum. They are most likely also being pressured by their mom as well.
At this point he will be the bad guy no matter what.... they will most likely get over it in time, but even if they don’t it honestly will not matter whether you are in the picture or not. If he gives in to their ultimatum they won’t be any less mad- and they will continue the same treatment.
He's been doing just that.
He's been doing just that. Continously reaching out but they ignore him now. At least his son will message him once in a while but even still he's cold and distant. . He was strong at first but he's lately been missing them so much. Just last month, it was his Birthday and was expecting at least one of them to message him but none of them did. He was downhearted. We still celebrated but his mood was off.
At this point I'm just going to support him and let him handel his kids as he seems fit
Sounds like BM is at least
Sounds like BM is at least somewhat behind this, or they wouldn't know all these details about the friend seeing you together, etc.
I started dating DH when he was separated almost a year, and BM had hoped to reconcile. Somehow she didn't poison SS against me, but she sure did poison him against DH. SS didn't speak to him for over 3 years. He didn't speak to me, either, but his anger wasn't about me being in the picture.
DH can't give in to their power plays or they will try to control him forever. All he can do is what Notup4it said, and what my DH did. Keep letting them know he loves and misses them, don't argue about what's true and what isn't, and keep the door open for reconciliation.
Does the ultimatum that SS
Does the ultimatum that SS gave "Her or Us" mean "US" as in the skids only or as in "US" as in the skids + BM???
Kids only. At least I hope so
Kids only. At least I hope so
Hopefully he makes a decision
Hopefully he makes a decision that works for everyone and the kids are able to get past this. I think even if he leaves you they won't be happy and things won't change. If you end up out of the picture the next step would probably be wanting mom and dad back together.
My stepson was also told we
My stepson was also told we had an affair and that is why dad left. Actually mom left three years prior but told son she was working out of state. She left to live with another man. Husband was stationed in another state at the time so couldn't leave.
Finally one day of sons bitching husband just snapped and told him "no your mom was the one who had an affair!!"
God that felt good.
My response to an ultimatum,
My response to an ultimatum, I don't care what it is or who makes the threat, is don't let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out followed by immediate and complete cut off of any support from me. If your SO is still under an active CS order he pays that to BM and only that. Not a penny more than is specifically ordered in the CO regardless of what may befall his toxic crotch nuggets and the donor of the polluted womb they dropped from.
When they prove themselves with long term reasonable behavior, he can review his stance. But not until multiple years of proof of reasonableness from his adult children.
He should tolerate no toxicity and the toxic should be purged from his life. Even if they are his children.
Very good and old friends of mine were a long term couple. They were perfect together. After years as an exclusive couple he purchased an engagement ring. He was about to propose when she got frustrated over the length of their relationship without a proposal and a wedding. So she gave him an ultimatum. She got a ring or they were through. He left the ring in his desk drawer. The remained a couple for a few more years and periodically right about the time he was about to propose, she would drop an ultimatum. He never proposed because he refused to be manipulated through her ultimatums. They have both are in long term marriages to others and are very happy. Her ultimatums and his refusal to be manipulated ended them. They both are in a better place because of his refusal to tolerate ultimatums.
Your DH will likely be in a far better place by putting his children and their ultimatums out of his life. Until they find clarity.
IMHO of course.
I am sure your SO would like you in his
Life everyday VS his kids seeing him for two hours once a month. His kids have there own life what is without there father. So it’s either your SO being alone most of the time getting crumbs from his kids, or bring with you all the time.
Ultimatums
Utimately dont really work. Because these children sound very selfish and really not interested in having a solid relationship with their father. If they havent been interested for 3 years, why would they suddenly change their minds? To control and manipulate. Their father sounds like he is "begging" for their attention and they are holding the carrot of their love in front of him, hoping he will hop to it.
I say BS on that. Whenever Toxic Feral Eldest wants money, or wants something from DH, THEN she contacts him. She is 20. She was living with us and turned 18, graduated and then simply left, without any fight or anything. Went completely no contact. He would text her to make sure she was ok, and would get a sentence. Maybe a photo. No calls or texts for birthdays or fathers day. Just recently she wanted to move back in. You would think that she would be nice and sweet, but no - she just went on the attack - against both of us
He said no. He said "you only contact me when you want something, and other than that you dont even text for my birthday, plus its just going to be the same arguments all over again, nothing will be any different!"
Shes back to no contact again, living with her mother less than a mile away. She is nothing to me anymore, not family, not an acquaintance, certainly not a part of my family.
Howevr, ultimately you have no control over what your SO decides. Ive seen several folks on here who had their SO/DH leave them because the CHILDREN gave ultimatums. Me or them. Fine - if he leaves you - you are better off.
Keep us posted!