but just be glad you haven’t invested decades like many here! Consider yourself incredibly lucky and insightful!

I in no way want to minimize your sorrow and pain. I’ve been betrayed recently, and it’s s tough mountain to climb. I’m reading a book about living & loving after betrayal and it’s taught me that whether we have finality to a relationship or the one as we knew it has died, we must grieve the process and if it’s over move in a different direction and if not, rebuild from today. Think flow chart.

My heart is with you & have peace knowing it was not YOU. Anyone who comes after you will suffer a similar fate, thinking she can change the situation. Dysfunctionality breeds more of the same.

Remember, “...every new beginning comes from some other beginnning’s end.”

but just be glad you haven’t invested decades like many here! Consider yourself incredibly lucky and insightful!

I in no way want to minimize your sorrow and pain. I’ve been betrayed recently, and it’s s tough mountain to climb. I’m reading a book about living & loving after betrayal and it’s taught me that whether we have finality to a relationship or the one as we knew it has died, we must grieve the process and if it’s over move in a different direction and if not, rebuild from today. Think flow chart.

My heart is with you & have peace knowing it was not YOU. Anyone who comes after you will suffer a similar fate, thinking she can change the situation. Dysfunctionality breeds more of the same.

Remember, “...every new beginning comes from some other beginnning’s end.”

WWW.CHUMPLADY.COM helped me so much to get my life back.  I know you aren't dealing with cheating but she is so awesome in getting the broken hearted to heal and gain a life.  My exhusband cheated on me 10 years ago on Jan 9th while I was pregnant with our third daughter.  His mistress at the time had the gall to say to me, "A different life doesn't necessarily mean an unhappy life."  She is currently in the loony bin but I always do a lot of self reflecting each year when Jan 9th comes around and take stock of my life and my choices and where I am.  My life is AWESOME!!!!!!!  You are going to heal and be just fine and you are going to go out there and gain an amazing life where you aren't devalued.

You knew in your heart that ending the relationship was the right thing to do. And you knew why. And getting the confirmation back in email was just more proof. You have the opportunity to start anew and it's just fitting it's at the new year. You will have some hard feelings but you really dodged a bullet. Life is too short to put up with that crap.

I'm glad that you got confimation that you did the right thing. It makes it that much easier to get closure and move on... and live the life that you deserve.

You have moved on.  Quit volunteering to be abuse fodder for that shallow and polluted gene pool by writing anything to them.  If there is a need for comm contact your X directly, state your demand, inform him of the consequences of failure to comply and hang up.

Your blogger name says it all.  YOU are absolutely AWAKE and readying to the powerful possibilities that will unfold. Time to be reborn from the ashes. Lesson learned....rise anew.  I know you're processing...take care. Be sure to incinerate every last unhealthy fragment of the toxic bs. 

"The most dangerous woman of all is the one who refuses to rely on your sword because she carries her own."  

Sending good vibes...with Love......

You are starting the New Year off right.  Good for you.

I will never forget the pain in my heart, when I received the 2 page hate email from my SD57.  It is like saying goodbyes to your loved one that has passed, when you are betrayed by your DH.   It is a hurtful closing, but final.  It lets you move on.  I hope you did not respond to their email.  I never did respond, nor say a word about it, after showing it to my DH.

It has taken 5 years to sort it out with DH.  I am not sure that I did the right thing by staying, but when I read stories like yours, it reminds me that it has changed me forever.  I even had this discussion with my DH.  I told him our marriage and our lives will NEVER be the same and I will never look nor go back to what brought the entire mess to a head. 

It is a heart breaking experience.  I am sorry you are going through the hurt.  I know you will look back next New Years and find that you have made the right decision for your own happiness. 

Continue to stay here, as you heal and move forward. 

(((hugs))))

It is ten months since I walked away from my relationship of nine years. I clung on for a while because I couldn't see how I could manage on my own, but once I had gone there was no turning back for me.

Yes, I was tempted to write all my feelings down and send them but I never did, and I am equally as glad that I resisted that temptation and not let him see that I still cared.

He has never attempted to contact me and does not know where I am and what's more clearly does not care.

Once I had made that space in my life good things happened and I now have my own home, a job that affords me a decent living, and close friends and family nearby.

I never thought I could be like this and the one word that sums my life up now is freedom. I am free to do as I like when I like and it is so liberating not to have that feeling that someone is on your back all the time.

I wish you well, as others have said, wriite the notes if you wish but do not send them- he doesn't deserve those opportunities to bring you down.

Hi Sandye- thankyou for your kind words. I think I was raised in a slightly unusual way- I had six brothers who were my mum's favourites but were really useless- she had no time for her daughters but we were adored by my dad, who always led us to believe we could do anything we wanted to do, despite my mother's viewpoint that women were only here to service the needs of men!

Despite this, as you say, the social pressures were very strong that we marry and have kids in order to be 'happy' and like most of us, I married quite young and had two children pretty soon after. My then husband was quite good at doing stuff around the house and would cook and clean in a way that shocked my mum- but eventually the marriage failed for reasons too complex to go into here.

Finding myself single again I did feel lonely and thought there might be someone out there who could make me happy. I had a few dates and relationships that didn't work out because I had never made a man the centre of my world. I firmly believe that many men like the idea of an intelligent woman, but when faced with one who possesses more than half a brain they tend not to tolerate this too much, and become petulant and sulky. I believe men are still encouraged to be number one, not equal except in lip service- they may appear to be more domesticated but under scrutiny would still choose to be in the 1950s! I only say this because my brothers are still like this. 

I am really admiring of women who can make the changes they want within marriage- but I have never been able to do that- maybe I just never found the right sort of man! 

My life journey has been complicated and difficult but what doesn't kill you makes you strong. I have been surrounded by great sisters and girlfriends all my life who have inspired and supported me- I don't need a man to be my friend and I no longer have any sex drive- what a liberation that has turned out to be!! I have wonderful memories of having some good men and great sex, but I have always been willing to embrace new challenges and still have a very strong independent streak and a great deal of self-confidence. I am too busy enjoying my life to dwell too much on my steplife, but I do enjoy coming on the site and reading the experiences of others. I think there is such a  clear pattern of women (and some men) feeling let down by the expectations of marriage. Now, I do feel it is all a bit of a con. Just to mention my first husband was very ill recently, and it happened that I was the only one who could take him home from hospital. The staff were amazed that I would do that for him and held no grudges- but we saw it as quite ok. I could not have been free to make that choice if I had still been in a relationship. I truly am free to make those choices for myself- and it is a great feeling.

I know this has been a long post but I wanted to answer your question as best I could.There is life after marriage if we are only brave enough to take on the challenge, and for me it is great. (((hugs to you))) because I couldn't have done it without this site.

Fairyo:  you are an excellent example of why women should read all of your posts and forums.

Thank you for staying here for us.

The fact not 1 of them even accepted any blame or their part into causing the demise of your relationship is proof they feel they can treat others like shit and believe its ok and not an issue

You are so brave to make a conscious decision to cut out all the ugliness and negativity from your life. As hard as it was, and is going to be for a while, you cannot allow people to trample you. We all need validation to feel good about ourselves and it seems like you were getting none. I love my husband, but I'm still dealing with his favortism of one of my stepdaughters in particular. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't see his girls that often, I probably would have done what you're doing.  I wish all good things for you.