Am I over reacting?
I’m expected that I spend both of my days off driving or to my boyfriends place and spending time with him and his kids. He literally will only come see me on the weekend for two hours, when he doesn’t have his kids. Yes two hours. He actually was child free last weekend however he choose to rush home and spend the rest of the day with his mother. On the Sunday ex returned the kids early, mother in law had them but he choose to join them and take them to a trampoline place(even though they have been misbehaving and don’t really deserve to be going but that’s a whole other story). As if him having his kids five days a week isn’t enough. I get to see him for a whole two hours on the weekend. He uses my work schedule as an excuse but there are many times he could have come over for longer either before or after work when he didn’t have his kids or grandma or ex could’ve watched them. Seems I don’t fit into his list of priorities.
You are a convenience to him,
You are a convenience to him, nothing more. And if he can get you to help him financially, all the better!
Find someone who actually WANTS to be with you. Let this guy go so that he can deal with his kids, his mother, and his finances.
Same advice again
Again, you are given the same advice by nearly everyone: dump this guy. Why do you hang on? What's in it for you?
Love yourself MORE
Make a list of positives and negatives. Every time I read your posts, the side of the scale with the Negatives must be several inches underground.
Frankly, the FACT that this man has you at the very bottom of his list (and probably as a write-in) would be enough for me to say Goodbye. Love yourself MORE.
If it looks, smells, and barks like a dog........
You are not his priority. So why are you making him one of yours?
Move on, put this man and his toxic gene pool relationships in your rear view mirror.
Take care of you.
This is part of his
This is part of his pressuring you to move in with him at which time he will expect even more from you. He is manipulating you because he wants to use you. Stop asking yourself if you're unreasonable or overreacting and ditch this loser.
Honestly, he's a dad. He's
Honestly, he's a dad. He's going to have his kids. Yes, he shouldn't be taking them to a trampoline place if they've been misbehaving. But still, should he dump his kids just because you wanted to date him? Honestly if you expect him to chose you over his kids, then that's pretty awful
I definately dont want him to
I definately dont want him to dump his kids. That wasnt my point. My point was it would be one thing if he would say "baby I really wish we could be together but I have my kids lets plan something in the future." but I dont get any of that from him. He says nothing and barely wants to spend time with me when he is with me. Hes not affectionate, I am. He doesnt say loving things, I do. And if I might add he has his kids 5-6 days a week. 5-6 days! And I get a day off and you still make it all about your kids.You think he could put a little more pressure on bio mom to take them or even grandma or fork out a little cash ofr a sitter. 5-6 days a week, 24/7 seems like enough? Besides his kids werent alone they had grandma so they werent being "dumped" And yes they behave poorly yet they still are rewarded constantly. neither one respects him. They dont listen to him because they dont have to. He doesnt get it.
He doesn't get it, but you
He doesn't get it, but you don't seem to get it, either.
He WANTS to be with his kids. And that's great!
YOU are not a priority to him and he's proven that many times.
WHY are you willing to settle for so very little when their are other men out there who could/would give you so much more???
He says nothing and barely
He says nothing and barely wants to spend time with me when he is with me. Hes not affectionate, I am. He doesnt say loving things, I do.
Even if he didn't have kids, he would not be a keeper. I would rather be alone than be in a relationship where I feel that I am doing all of the work. Did that when I was young and dumb!
My DH treats me like a queen and you deserve someone who will treat you like one, also.
We have the skids 7 days a
We have the skids 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. BM is useless. One thing you have to realize if you're going to be dating a man with kids is that there's ALWAYS a possibility he'll end up with them full time and you'll have ZERO skids free days. That's just the reality of the situation, you don't know what the future holds. Him WNATING to care for the kids and WANTING to have them is actually a good thing. I honestly wouldn't feel the same way for my DH if he just dumped the skids and wanted nothing to do with them. That leaves questions on follow through and dedication. As well as just bieng unbelieveably sad for the kids! i've been watching my skids go through BM basically abandoning, and it. sucks.
The issue I see isn't about the skids at all. it's the fact that he's not making you a priority. Him not being affectionate might be a personality thing, everyone shows affection a little differently. So if you don't like it and don't feel like he loves you, why deal with it? I'm not excusing him not making you a priority. But you can't just write off the kids either.
That being said, it does sound like your bf has some issues with enforcement, so he does need to get that under control. He's disney parenting. Which is pretty colidly an awful thing, particularly if you want the skids to launch.
You apparently don't get it
You apparently don't get it either, he sounds like he doesn't want to actually be with you, sounds like you are nothing more than a booty call for him. I'd just block his number and move on.
Why are you putting yourself
Why are you putting yourself through this? Your self esteem will be at rock bottom if you carry on, you will never be one of his priorities. Be kinder to yourself and cut him loose.
Right now, you both are at
Right now, you both are at totally different places with your lives. Different obligations and different priorities. He will not change his list of priorities in your favor even if you do move in. It will just be more convenient and possibly put him in a better financial place since I am assuming he will expect you to pay a full half of the cost of living there.
To give you an example of the difference between your BF and my DH I will tell you a few things that my DH did in the past for me.
1. Turned around from a trip that was 5 hours from me when one of my horses was killed when a fence came down due to a storm. He was "just" my BF of 2 months at the time.
2. Drove 2 hours each way to see me.... even on a night when he had to work the next day... again when he was my BF.
3. Brought his kids with him on several occasions to horse shows where I was competing.. as my BF.
4. Built and stocked a chicken coop for me one day because I mentioned I always wanted to have them.
5. And the last is that he has spent the last 3 weeks caring for my dad 24/7... without me even being there during the week!
You want a man who will do these kinds of things for you. Don't get me wrong, I spent my share of riding in cars to pick up his girls and rearranging schedules etc.. because they were one of his responsibilities. But, our relationship is a good give and take partnership.
You can't make a man want you
You can't make a man want you.
This man doesn't want to spend quality time with you. Hell, based on what you have posted, it doesn't even sound like he wants sex from you.
The man is only interested in the financial security you can provide him.
Why are you fighting so hard to hang onto a man who doesn't give a damn about you??
The man wanting to spend as much time as he can with his children is a GOOD thing.
I'm going to be honest here.
I'm going to be honest here. He doesn't sound like the guy for you for many reasons. Some are situational (he has a useless ex/birth mom, an over bearing mother, he is a dinsey dad and his parenting is quesitonable) and some are his personality and/or feelings towards you. The thing that sticks out is he is not affectionate and you are doing all the work when it comes to affection when you two are alone. This isnt a good sign. Is he palying hard to get? Thats a game teenagers play. It doesnt work when you're in an adult relationship. Adults wants to be shown that they are wanted and appreciated when they are around. We all have limited time to spend together but quality time is what counts when you do and you dont even have that with him because of either his personality or his lack of attraction towards you.
First I just want to validate
First I just want to validate your frustration. You are not being crazy or petty. Your feelings are natural given the lack of priority & deference he has shown you. Also, I know it's hard to leave even when you know you're not being treated well. I have stayed too long in a few relationships. You could consider a break for a few weeks to make a decision to stay or go.
Also, your wanting some priority time is valid whether he has his kids full time or not. If he wants to be in a relationship, he'll have to put some effort into it, period. Relationships cannot thrive if not tended. I disagree with the other commenter that said you were being selfish. Wanting a date night or some quality doesn't make you selfish. Even if he were still with BM, they'd need quality time.
Hope this gives you validation, peace & perspective.
I agree. Even if he has the
I agree. Even if he has the kids, if he wants a relationship he needs to make time for you too, without the kids. Coming to see you once a week for two hours wont cut it. You cant be putting in all of the work or expected to keep going to his place all the time. He can hire a sitter a couple times a week and take you out. If hes too broke he doesnt need to be dating, period. He has more problems you want to deal with if he doesnt have enough for a sitter, trust me on this.
It sounds like the guy really
It sounds like the guy really likes his mommy and his kids but doesn't want to do the work it takes to be in a grown up mutual give and take relationship. Two hours a week is enough to get his needs met then he goes back into his comfort zone. Imagine what it must've been like being married to this guy. Take the previous good advice and let him go.
Sounds like you're nothing
Sounds like you're nothing more than a bit of skirt for him to see for a couple of hours when he has nothing else to do. If he can only devote a couple of hours to you a week, and is expecting you to do 90% of the legwork, he's putting you right down on his list of priorities, if not at the very bottom. Leave him and find someone who values you and treats you with the respect you deserve. He's already shown you that he will always put his kids before you, so get the hell out of there before you fall into the step parent trap like so many of us have.