SD thinks it's all her fault

She called DH crying and said that her friends told her this whole situation is her fault and that only BM says she can't see DH and she knows that she's always welcome at our house. SD's friends are being mean to her and teasing her and making school hard for her. Now DH is stressed and upset because BM is still keeping SD from him and says BM needs a "psych evaluation". That probably won't happen. The CPS worker still hasn't come to our house. Merry f-ing Xmas..

Edit: now DH is mad at me for saying 50/50 will never work again but he knows it. No one cares about SD's feelings. All the court knows is DH has an anger problem and BM will always be justified in keeping SD away.... Like she has for the past 8 years.

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How did BM keep SD from DH if

How did BM keep SD from DH for 8 years if she is with dad 50/50 even if court order doesn’t say so? BM was more than flexible , she might be crazy but dad has been having SD with him a lot. Now he is upset he can’t have 50/50 but just recently he wanted to give his parental rights away. He doesn’t know what he is saying half the time

BM has always kept SD from DH

BM has always kept SD from DH when she wanted, even during 50/50 but he allows it. DH doesn't know how to feel and said if SD hurt herself that he would be crushed. Obviously. BM was never told to keep SD during this investigation but is choosing to anyway. DH is upset because SD wants to see him and BM won't allow it but doesn't have good reason other than she can. DH is also upset because SD's friends are shunning her.

Did your husband even try to

Did your husband even try to pick up his daughter?

BM can't be blamed for withholding the kid if he made the choice not to show up for the court ordered pick ups.

Actions are what matter, not words.

Why would he try to pick SD

Why would he try to pick SD up when BM told him that she was "advised" to keep SD from him until the investigation is over? Drama much?

Why would he believe a person

Why would he believe a person that you claim is a liar, manipulator and control freak?

He should have gone to pick the kid up at the scheduled time armed with the CO. If mom refused to release the kid, he should have called the police. A car would have been dispatched. The officer would have looked at the CO and told mom to hand over the kid. If mom could not produce a document from CPS saying not to hand over the kid, her ass would have been up the creek.

She would have had to hand over the kid or the officer would write up a report stating that she refused to do so. Your husband would then be able to provide a judge with solid proof of BM withholding the kid.

Why would he try to pick SD

Why would he try to pick SD up when BM told him that she was "advised" to keep SD from him until the investigation is over?

Why would he believe what BM was "advised"? Did CPS tell HIM that he should not see his daughter? Your husband has every excuse in the book on how to be a lazy ass dad.

CPS is pretty much playing

CPS is pretty much playing sides because they told BM *if* she felt SD was in danger visiting DH to keep her. They then told DH that BM isnt legally supposed to keep SD from him but was advised to do so if she felt SD was unsafe with him. When this all started, BM called DH and said she is keeping SD from him until the investigation is over.

Didn’t you say that CPS

Didn’t you say that CPS “adviced” BM to keep SD st home until investigation is over? And DH always saw SD more than what CO allows, he doesn’t ever have overnights in CO yet under both accounts you always posted that SD is with you way more than that. So how does BM keep SD from DH?

The worker told DH if BM

The worker told DH *if* BM thought DH was a danger to SD to keep her but I don't think that's the case other than control.

Sometimes a kid feeling bad

Sometimes a kid feeling bad is the only way they learn. To be blunt, her friends are right. She blew the situation with the phone completely out of proportion for her own dramatic benefit and now she is regretting it. It is a hard lesson for her to learn but she should be allowed to learn it or she will potentially make the same mistake again. How would that benefit anyone? Obviously the issue needs to be addressed and fixed with CPS although I question how seriously they are taking it if they have not even come to your home yet. I would be pushing to get it moving. But doing the "oh poor baby - none of this is your fault" with SD is not going to help anything. She did start this and does bear some responsibility here.

100%. It might be a hard

100%. It might be a hard lesson for her but sometimes the kindest thing a parent can do for their kids is to let them fail. SD created this situation, and her friends are calling her on it. Hopefully DH won’t coddle her & she’ll learn a valuable lesson from all this.

Maybe. But she'll always be

Maybe. But she'll always be under BM's influence and Xmas is only a few days away.. Neither of us have bought her gifts and I'm not doing any shopping at this point.

Your DH is someone who has

Your DH is someone who has "learned helplessness" from so many years of being under BM's control. I see what your BM does even if others think she's not doing anything wrong- she allows DH more time as long as it's under her control. She fought for the minimum in the CO for him, so that she could have him by the balls all the time.

It worked. So now he has to figure out how to loosen her grip on his balls and it won't be by ranting and raving about how awful she is. He has to turn the tables on her. Send her an email and let her know that he spoke to CPS and they informed him that they did not tell her to keep SD away so he will be there to pick her up for his next COURT ORDERED TIME. If she doesn't let SD go, THEN she is truly keeping SD away. Take her for those 10 hours he's ordered until he can get back to court.

Then file for a change in the CO. I'm not sure how he ever got such measly time except that he must have had a crap lawyer. 50/50 could work if it were court ordered, but it won't work if it's at BM's whims. Even if he doesn't get anything more than EOWE, he still will be out from under BM's control over his time. Then stick to the CO.

Why does he allow BM to continue to control him?

This is the best advice I've

This is the best advice I've seen for a situation such as this.

This is what he needs to do

This is what he needs to do but I'm done helping him and wasting my breath so he can do whatever he wants. Me? I'm enjoying the peace in my home.

I hear you on that. Can't

I hear you on that. Can't make him do anything.

Weird. My SD was also

Weird. My SD was also suddenly bullied at school after she flipped out, tried to run away and called the cops on her dad for taking her phone. Then, *poof* she was magically the victim. If your DH buys this garbage, I have a sweet deal on ocean front property near Minneapolis for him.

He is buying it!!

Since SD throwing a tantrum

Since SD throwing a tantrum about her phone and allegedly getting CPS involved wasn't garnering her the results she wanted she changed tactics to now she is the victim of bullying.

My Spawn did this same thing, told CPS her stepfather was touching her, when they investigated suddenly the story changed to it was her friend who was touched, when friend was questioned she had no clue what CPS was talkng about, the story then changed to her friends though SF was creepy....so yeah.

Your SD and BM are playing a game with DH and he is allowing, much like my DH allowed meth mouth and SD to manipulate and control the situations. Get used to this, you are going to have years and years of this to come, and if DH continues to entertain the antics they will just up the ante everytime.

This is what I'm telling him

This is what I'm telling him except he won't hear it. He says that because she was crying to him that she can't be faking and she's just his little girl.. I don't want her in my house anymore.

Isn't SD the one who lied and

Isn't SD the one who lied and said DH was punching holes in the walls all over the house? If she really did tell untruths about her father then her friends are right, she is to blame. BM is obviously behind and encouraging this, but SD is plaing with fire and as a result ruining her relationship with her father. Telling tall tales has consequences and SD is learning that lesson the hard way.

BM said that SD said holes

BM said that SD said holes were punched in the wall and DH admitted to throwing the phone but we don't know what SD told the counselor or CPS worker. I'm sure SD has been labeled as a "snitch" whether she realized it or not or is being teased for going to counseling.

Even before the supposed CPS

Even before the supposed CPS call BM and Dad had did another one of their verbal mutual agreements. One in which SD would not do 50/50 between the end of November and Christmas break. BM was having and paying for SD to focus on her math with tutoring. Dad was only going to have SD on the weekends, but every weekend, meaning three in a row.

The kids at school only know whatever SD, herself, has told them. I can't imagine SD would tell the other kids anything that made SD look bad to them. I'm sure she hasn't told them she lied to anyone about any of it. So really, what can the other kids be razzing her about?

My guess is SD is tired of her BM, been there day after day for weeks and likely back to fighting with Mom. Missing her phone, fast food and Daddy constantly taking her dine out, and probably not getting to have GFs spend overnights.... so now she regrets the mess she made with the phone/wall incident and wants Dad to ride in and save her from herself.

Last year for Christmas your mother sent her $100 (even though she ended up not getting it). But she knows she either gets cash or nice present from an extended family member on your home's end.... and this year Dad isn't planning on seeing her at all for Christmas. Which means no cash/gifts.

Me thinks Dad is being played.

I don't think SD realizes

I don't think SD realizes that family matters are to remain private but she chose to post on the internet about all of the drama. And I can't agree more that she thinks she's missing out on Christmas and is sick of BM, I'm sure. I get it, she's "just a kid" but I don't feel bad for her like DH does. Skids just have to turn on the water works and guilty daddy feels bad. I think DH is forgetting that when this all popped up, he said himself that SD was being disloyal and needed to learn the time and place to keep her mouth shut. And I don't doubt for one second that BM didn't hesitate to unleash her hate for DH when the officer talked to her.