SD the liar
DH isn't meeting the CPS investigater until tomorrow but BM called him this afternoon to pry about it. They told BM to not let SD see DH until the investigation is over and DH was supposed to meet with the guy today. They did interview SD at school and she told them that DH punched multiple holes in the wall on Thanksgiving which is NOT true. He is beyond appalled that SD would say this and for the time being, she isn't allowed in our home, complete investigation or not.
And BM was not bothered one bit by SD's Instagram posts, by the way.
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Why is DH meeting this person
Why is DH meeting this person at DH's shop? Especially with claims of him punching holes in the wall of your home?
I'd want the interview in my home where the case worker can examine the walls, see there is no holes nor any sign of repaired walls.
I was thinking this but I
I was thinking this but I also don't want them in my home if it's not necessary. Either BM is lying or they plan to continue the investigation and make a home visit anyway. Either way, I don't care. SD will not set foot in our home again with our baby on the way and DH has made that clear. This whole situation is becoming unreal.
If your DH is giving up that
If your DH is giving up that easily on his daughter don’t be surprised when he gives up on you and your daughter too.
Sorry, I don't plan to make
Sorry, I don't plan to make his life a living hell like BM did and our daughter won't be raised like SD.
So that’s his kids fault is
So that’s his kids fault is it? She deserves to be ignored by her father because he doesn’t like his ex? Poor kid.
Also it doesn’t matter how you raise your child, she might do things you and your husband don’t like and it looks like your husband will just give up on her rather than trying to help her...
Potentially getting him in a
Potentially getting him in a lot of trouble doesn't make me feel bad for her one bit. Not even for a second. She is turning into a mini BM just as I always predicted.
She’s 12 and looking for
She’s 12 and looking for attention because it seems like zero adults in her life care about her.
Your husband should be sitting down with her and telling her he loves her and getting to the bottom of her issues instead of giving up on her
Talking to her when she
Talking to her when she willingly and deliberately lied about him? Punching holes in walls is a pretty serious accusation when children are present. I should just be ok with her walking around lying for attention when I have a newborn to worry about? No thanks.
Yes he’s supposed to talk to
Yes he’s supposed to talk to her because he’s an adult and she is a child.
You’re in for a big shock when you have your own child and realize that children often lie. Especially ones who are hurting because their parents don’t care about them.
I'm sure he'll just get
I'm sure he'll just get accused of more things if he tries to confront her about it. Like Binky's (Daenerys) husband and SD. The kid is allowed to call the shots and dad is so afraid of more false accusations that he just lets the kid run the show. Again, NO THANKS.
I’m not sure where you get
I’m not sure where you get that “her parents don’t care about her”. Have you ever read I love Dogs prior posts? It doesn’t seem like it.
SD accused her father of punching holes in the wall, amongst other things. OP is pregnant. So yeah, it’s possible that SD not being around for a while is the best thing.
Call me evil but I'm so over
Call me evil but I'm so over this bullshit that I don't want to see SD again. Yes, she's young, but definitely not too young to know that exaggerating something so serious probably has consequences. If DH does want to see her, it will never be in our home again. I will not subject our baby to that.
Have you read the OP's blogs
Have you read the OP's blogs that were posted under her old names? If so, you would know where the "her parents don't care about her" comment came from.
She is 10.
She is 10.
Yeah, ok. Insert eyeroll.
Yeah, ok. Insert eyeroll.
What is your problem? Why do
What is your problem? Why do you keep insiting OP's SD is 10? She has stated, in several blogs, that she is 12. And I also remember her from her old user name and her SD was 10... 2 years ago.
That's also how I remember it
That's also how I remember it. This girl is nearly 13. That oh so magic age of bad parenting coming home to roost!
If DH , DD liars about him
She will also will liar about SM. Who may lose her Bio kids if she gets investigated. SM can not have SD in her home untill there perfessional help for SD. and even then I would be careful about what SD will say
SD is not welcome in our home
SD is not welcome in our home and I'm so thankful that DH made that clear.
I have hard time
I have hard time understanding why CPS would be meeting in a shop instead of visiting family in their home?
Maybe at a later date but DH
Maybe at a later date but DH is meeting the guy outside of our home tomorrow. This is what BM told DH this afternoon. I don't know why DH answered her phone call, to be honest.
Shouldn’t CPS inform DH
Shouldn’t CPS inform DH rather than BM?
I'm confused why BM knows so
I'm confused why BM knows so much. Either the person who talked to SD is telling BM what SD said or BM is behind it all and coaching SD to lie. Or SD is also telling this story to BM.
Whoa. Back-up there.
Whoa. Back-up there.
Are you saying the caseworker hasn't;t talked to your DH nd set up a time and place? That the interview was set up between BM and the caseworker?
Strange. The man should have scheduled an appointment with DH or merely shown up on your doorstep. And it's the rare caseworker, unless an emergency, to do a weekend visit.
I assume your DH will at least insist on seeing proper official identification from this man meeting him tomorrow? And I'm not talking something as simple as a driver's license or a dime a dozen business card.
So DH talked to the guy on
So DH talked to the guy on Monday and was willing to meet him then but was told it would be too late (4pm) and that he was taking 3 days off. DH didn't get a call until 2pm today and they are to meet at 10am tomorrow. The guy told DH he lives out of town and 10am stands "if weather is good". The worker also claims to have 3 daughter of his own.
That sounds sketchy
That sounds sketchy to me. CPS workers are "on call" on the weekends but generally only for emergencies. Routine visits are done on standard weekdays and well into the evening as that is when people are home after work. And the initial visit to a potential offender is done right away. If a caseworker is taking time off then the visit would be assigned to another caseworker to make a report. It is not unusual for them to fill in for each other at all. I also agree that meeting at his shop makes no sense. Even if there was no allegation of putting holes in the walls, they want to see the home. None of this makes sense. He should definitely ask for identification and call CPS on Monday to verify that a person by that name actually is a caseworker.
I have a hard time
I have a hard time understanding the amount of communication going on between CPS and the parents PRIOR to a visit to the home in question.
Heck, the amount of time that has passed between the first home visit and the initial call is suspect as well.
Caseworkers don't don't stick to a normal 9-5. They will do home visits any time of the day or night.
Yes and the visit needs to
Yes and the visit needs to happen VERY soon after reports. I am mandated reporter and due to the nature of my job CPS updates me on the outcome. They see the kid almost immediately (often in school) and go to the home next day or day after. They wouldn’t call around making appointments or saying 4pm is too late. They go to houses ang time any day
Also if accusations are that holes are punched in the house, they would be in the house checking those holes. Not scheduling and rescheduling to meet dad in a shop because his wife doesn’t want them in the house (which would be suspect as well).
Make sure that DH sees ID and
Make sure that DH sees ID and their badge. There is something fishy about this whole thing.....
I just wrote that at same
I just wrote that at same time you wrote.
This is starting t have a smell to it.
ID and badge, got it.. But
ID and badge, got it.. But what could be going on? DH said he thinks BM is the one who filed a report.
What we are
What we are all getting at is that this could be a friend of BM's posing as a caseworker. Your DH needs to get ID and call CPS Monday to check out the name.
I definitely told him to do
I definitely told him to do this.
CPS will not inform BM about
CPS will not inform BM about time and place of appointments with DH. This just isn’t happening
Well BM knew that they were
Well BM knew that they were supposed to meet today but DH may have told BM on Monday when she called him "freaking out" that the counselor emailed her that she reported DH to CPS.
Agreed. CPS doesn’t tell the
Agreed. CPS doesn’t tell the person who filed the report (assuming this was BM) information about what they are doing and when/if they are interviewing someone, especially before it happens. Either DH said something to BM, or the whole situation is fishy.
He may have told her on
He may have told her on Monday that he was to meet with the investigator today because he took Tuesday- Thursday off. That isn't clear but are you all saying that this may be a fake investigator?
When he answered BM's call today (I don't know why because he swore he wouldn't communicate with BM anymore) apparently she told him that SD was interviewed at school and told them that DH punched holes in the wall. If this is true, SD told BM this or the person who interviewed SD told this to BM or BM is making it all up.
Oh, and BM told DH that "they need to talk" and he declined and said that the phone call went unresolved. So I don't know what BM's intention of calling him was other than to stir the shit pot.
Yes, they do and can. How do
Yes, they do and can. How do you think people have dozens of CPS visits, but no action is taken? They want to give parents the chance to clean up the place to sift the real losers from the harder to catch.
Also, I believe dogs is in Canada? So maybe they do things differently there.
When my SD made false claims, the county social worker called my DH and spoke to him over the phone. She didn't even come to our home. She told DH the allegations didn't sound credible, but that if another was made, she would do a home visit and call before she came.
Social workers are far too busy to try to surprise every single person they are investigating. That would make for a bunch of wasted travel if the homeowner is gone or simply refuses to answer the door.
I think “secret” is in Canada
I think “secret” is in Canada. I get them two confused sometimes. I think lovedogs is in the US
Either way, it's not like the
Either way, it's not like the U.S. has a uniform standard operating procedure for all 50 states' CPS/DHS/CPB/insert the other 29 names for it.
Even within a single state, complaints are handled at the county level, which can vary greatly from one area to the next.
I've been a mandated reporter and I've worked alongside county social workers during my time in DV advocacy. If there's anything I've learned about child protection, it's that no one is very good at it; that even abusive POS receive chance after chance; and that complaints made by an angry ex aren't taken as seriously as a complaint made by a mandated reporter.
Giving abusers a heads up is
Giving abusers a heads up is a sure way to up with dead or missing kids.
Caseworkers don't worry about wasted travel. (Well, they don't here in NYC) Their goal is to keep minors safe. If someone refuses to open the door, the worker simply pulls out a phone and calls NYPD.
Right. But surely kids still
Right. But surely kids still end up dead in NYC? Or are you trying to say your state child protection has been stopping/preventing every single case of abuse that leads to death?
I'm not in some backwater state. We have high taxes and excellent services. Kids still end up abused and dead. Why? Because keeping kids with birth parents is their stated goal. Because we have too few social workers and too many abusive shits. Because they can't possibly immediately investigate every single complaint. Because resources spent on false allegations take away from cases that have merit.
Unfortunately, kids are still
Unfortunately, kids are still dying. Mainly because people won't report SUSPECTED abuse. Or workers dismiss allegations/do a half ass job.
We have had a number of high profile deaths. In each one an ACS worker dropped the ball. If a call warrants a visit, a worker will do a home visit ASAP. Giving the possible abuser a heads up is not normal.
It's easy to blame the
It's easy to blame the overworked, underpaid and understaffed CPS worker, but that's too simplistic for a very complex problem. We have cases where the home had dozens of CPS visits prior to a child ending up murdered in the home. CPS doesn't get to decide who a prosecutor goes after. The police gather evidence, not social workers. They can testify, but judges and juries like proof.
Ageeed
Ageeed
But not all workers do their due diligence. There are slackers in all professions.
Also, allegations of unsafe
Also, allegations of unsafe living conditions would probably call for immediate home inspection, but this isn't that. Case workers don't expect to catch an alleged abuser in the act of kicking and punching people or things.
These allegations don't even include any physical harm to the kid. I'm surprised CPS is even following up on it.
New Mexico, not Canada.
New Mexico, not Canada.
BM may not be telling the truth.
Before you totally write SD off, consider the fact that BM may be lying about what SD told CPS.
Until DH talks to CPS himself, he has no idea what she may have said. I don't understand why DH keeps talking to BM about this instead of CPS. I also agree it seems very odd that CPS is not meeting DH at home.
I'm very annoyed that he
I'm very annoyed that he answered BM's call, especially because she was just calling to pry.
You do realize that this is
You do realize that this is retaliation from BM for insisting that SD go to the baby shower, right? And punishment to your DH for moving on with his life and having a baby with someone else?
The problem is that your DH has been much too passive with BM, relying on her to continue an informal custody agreement, when really, all she's doing is trying to maintain total control over your DH. I'm sure that SD was a bit scared when your DH hurled the phone down the hallway, but BM likely built that up into something entirely different and much worse.
When my SS got upset that DH yelled at him, it became a whole to-do, with police, court and her claiming that SS was cowering in his closet in fear (his closet doesn't even have a door).
Anyway, this is a chance to get a formal agreement with BM. It won't be 50/50 and it won't be no child support, but at least he will have a court order.
And I don't blame you for being upset and worried about her lies, but he is her daughter and he shouldn't give up on her at age 10. She's caught in a shitty situation with a crazy mother, and I say this as someone who has a lying SS. He can't just sign away his rights, and if he's capable of that - just giving up his daughter, then he is likely to do the same to your daughter if you guys divorce.
I was thinking it had
I was thinking it had something to do with the shower but BM's negotiation for that was keeping SD during the week for tutoring until Xmas break and to give DH weekends which he got last week.
When this blew up on Monday, BM called DH to tell him that the counselor had emailed her saying that she reported after SD's therapy session. Originally, BM asked DH to not mention it to SD then with SD's Instagram posts about DH possibly being arrested he sent screenshots to BM's phone and she didn't seem to care. THEN BM told him that SD said to her interviewers that DH punched holes in the wall after yelling at her over making mac n cheese and no one wants to talk to me in any of this.
Some of this does sound a
Some of this does sound a little off. I'd be sure to at least get the business card of the social worker you're husband speaks too. In my case, CPS came to my house unannounced before telling us that there was an investigation, both times. I happened to be home both times, but I guess if I wasn't home they probably would have called DH to interview him. CPS was definitely interested in talking to me and hear my view of the incidences. They also told me the others that they would be interviewing and a brief timeline (but not time or place). They did not tell me who made the claim the first time, but DH found out it was the school counselor. The second time, they did tell me that it was the psychiatrist at the mental hospital.
But, you're situation sounds especially messed up if SD is deliberately lying by saying that DH punched holes in walls. In my case, SS may have lied inititally to the counselors by saying DH hit him, we just don't know what he said. However, I imagine the story from everyone they interviewed probably lined up really well, they could tell he was in a good home and that we are all open and transparent about the incidences, that he had lots of mental issues himself, and that he was getting every sort of medical intervention possible from us.
After both visits, I wanted him out of my house and was sort of hoping that CPS would say that he should permanently live with BM...but that never happened. But, SS was not making outlandish accusations, which it sounds like your SD is doing. If I knew that SS was outright making up outrageous lies, I would have put my foot down and not let him back in the house.
But he told the counselor
But he told the counselor that his dad hit him? Apparently this guy is supposed to call DH at any minute today but I told DH to get all the information he can. He is entitled to a copy of the report when it's all said and done, right?
We did not get a report. At
We did not get a report. At least not that I'm aware of. I just know that it's dismissed and I don't even know if they retain a record of it, but I'm sure they must. But, there is no record against DH. I think he said that DH hit him, but none of us know what he actually said. Now that I think about it, it's probably good that we didn't get a full report. I really don't want to know what SS was actually saying and maybe that's the reason they don't release reports when accusations are dismissed.
So either BM has a friend who
So either BM has a friend who is calling DH and rattling his cage, hoping DH says no more to 50/50 so she has "proof" that he doesn't want SD (solidifying her PAS) when he takes her back to court (since he stupidly told her he was), or your DH is dealing with the most incompetent CPS worket ever.
Why not call CPS and ask for a supervisor. Ask WHY BM has had all this information. Ask WHY the case worker is taking so long.
Anytime at previous jobs where CPS had to be contacted, we were asked to stay there and wait for a case worker to show up. There was no "oh, we'll be there tomorrow". It was "I'll have someone there within the hour". When a mandated reporter calls, CPS is usually right on top of it.
Hell, a friend of mine had CPS come out because the BPs of her adopted kids left rehab early and claimed to still have custody. That case worker was tracing back every step she could to find the kids. She found them, employees informed my friend who contacted the case worker, and my friend had a home visit THAT NIGHT despite showing the adoption paperwork that the kids were legally hers.
CPS gets a bad rep for leaving kids in bad situations, but they are usually really quick to respond. If they can't, they'll send officers for a welfare check.
Someone is spinning one heck of a story. Your DH needs to not be lazy for once and be proactive with this unless he wants to lose SD forever.
The guy should be calling any
The guy should be calling any minute this morning and I told DH to get proper identification, ask who filed the report, ask why BM has so much information, and ask what SD said. This is all already getting out of control.
Regardless if the girl is 10
Regardless if the girl is 10 (possibly 11 by now going by old account) or 13 going by new account, lying is unacceptable. But if she said he threw the phone to the wall and scared her then she isn’t lying. If she said he did something else that he didn’t do, then it’s realky wrong BUT no one knows what she really said and if there is any actual investigation and none of it warrants signing parental rights off. It’s just insanity. The whole thing is just insane. And how BM is even aware of CPS investigation does not make any sense. Even if she called CPS, she’d not know who meets who and when. None of it makes sense
I agree that this has turned
I agree that this has turned into a shit show in a matter of a few days and DH is definitely inquiring why BM has so much information. I also need to know why BM was contacted before me since I was there for the whole thing. DH lost his temper but SD was being a true heathen.
You want to know why BM was contacted first...
Because she is SD’s mother. Why would the counselor contact you first?
Because I was there when the
Because I was there when the incident in question happened. BM and DH have a shitty relationship. Why would they want her input?
Are you serious?
Why would the counselor want her input? SHE IS HER MOTHER! SD sees a counselor, who is a mandated reporter. SD has two parents with shared custody, neither of which is you. Why on earth do you think the counselor would contact you, A LEGAL STRANGER? Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in her life, her parents are the ones contacted first. And honestly think about it, don’t you think they would assume you’d cover for him?
Every SM who has posted here
Every SM who has posted here said that they were interviewed because they are part of dad's home. I have nothing to "cover" my DH for. He will admit that he tossed SD's phone down the hall and I will confirm that. The phone was not broken and SD wasn't sent to bed starving.
Yes interviewed, but not
Yes interviewed, but not informed before the kid’ mother.
I don't want to add to this
I don't want to add to this drama on the comments. But, I dealt with CPS and yes, I was informed before BM was informed because I happened to be home and the allegations was against my husband. I don't think they take that into consideration.
I am so sorry about your
I am so sorry about your situation and totally understand. SDstb15 told DH he is angry, mean, scary, controlling, etc. Basically abusive. I'm sure she's spun great stories to BM who only supports SD. It was my fear that SD would amp up her accusations, as DH feared as well. So I won't have anything more to do with her at this time. DH is having a hard time with it around holidays, but I think he knows it's better she is not here right now.
DH made it clear that SD can
DH made it clear that SD can't be in our home anymore and he doesn't even want her here. If SD really told the investigator that DH was punching holes in the walls which isn't true, what's next? The baby is due at the end of January and SD will not step foot in our home again.