Have to break the news to DH

Christmas 2016....DH & I had just starting dating and he recently got custody of his 4 kids. He really wanted me to be a part of his family Christmas morning. He bought them tons of gifts that I thought they didnt deserve. I also bought them gifts from me & my boys. They tore through the gifts with entitlement and basically kept asking what else til they ran out of gifts to open. I was appalled especially when I was told batteries is a stupid gift. Next time you're looking for batteries asshole, you might not think that but he just goes around the house taking batteries out of remotes or whatever he can find.

Christmas 2017....better. I stopped allowing him to spoil them and honestly they became slightly more pleasant. Even got a smile out of SD when she got her Michael Kors purse...yep the purse I bought her! I signed it from me and dad though as I will never get these kids a gift again. I was just helping him out because men dont know how to pick out purses.

Christmas 2018....our first Christmas married! Im sure DH is super excited to have our first Brady Bunch Christmas, only my kids are out of state and because of work cant come :( Bio 24 has a girlfriend to spend Christmas with. Bio 22 will be alone so I booked a plane ticket to see my son as I dont want him to be alone nor do I want to spend Christmas in the house of skids. SD16(the one with the MK purse from me) has recently expressed her disgust for me and although I know it is displaced anger and resentment toward her mom and not me personally, Thankgiving was very uncomfortable as I didnt even want to be in my home where I was hosting 30 people Thurs and 12 on Saturday. Other than the 2 parties we hosted, my bios & I spent most of the weekend Friday til Tuesday at my parents.

DH & I have been distant for over a week but started to get along last night very well. I think we might even have sex tonight as he seemed quite frisky this morning. Now I have to break the news that I wont be here on Christmas without starting another battle.

Do I tell him it's because I dont want my son alone or do I tell him that skids ruined my Thanksgiving with my kids & parents, I'll be damned if they ruin Christmas too. Any advice?

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Be honest, it sounds like it

Be honest, it sounds like it is a little of both.

I would tell him you don't want your son to be alone, and after how you and your children were treated at Thanksgiving you would rather not be there for round 2.

I did tell him a couple days

I did tell him a couple days before Thanksgiving don't worry I wont be around for Christmas as I had it with living in a war zone. His kids are so mean to him due to being angry with BM

Be honest with him and tell

Be honest with him and tell him why. You don't want to bottle things in, have them build up, finally explode and he has no idea where or why you did. Just know that he may not be happy with your honesty but it's what you decided to do and he can't blame you for not speaking your truth.

Enjoy your Christmas and don't allow anyone to steal your joy!

Hope he understands my

Hope he understands my honesty. Its hard to conpare his step parent experience to mine since my adult children never lived with us and never cause problems.

I too have to do the same

I'm in same kind of situation.. skids never spend a Christmas with their mother, past few years we've taken them with us to my adult kids but this year they've asked me not to so we can have a 'normal' Christmas so I'll be going alone too. I booked my flights today and have to break the news sometime in the next 3 week's. It's not ideal but it is what it is,

Can I ask why the skids make

Can I ask why the skids make it a not normal Christmas?

I say tell him both. Say that

I say tell him both. Say that you are going to see your son this year so he isn't alone, but honestly after last year, you are glad to have an excuse not to be there.

Your feelings matter, too, when it comes to these things. It's not all about what DH and the skids want.

Skids wont care Im gone. DH

Skids wont care Im gone. DH will be sad bit he allowed ot to comw to this. If SD wants to be the woman of the house she can gladly take my job

Honestly, I'd be peeved if my

Honestly, I'd be peeved if my DH made plans to fly off and spend Christmas with his family without 1) inviting me, 2) asking me if I was okay with it, and 3) giving me a say at all in how I spend my Christmas.

This is your FIRST married Christmas, and instead of discussing your issues with your DH and giving him a chance to do anything, you did what you wanted to do, to hell with how it may make him feel.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend Christmas with your son. There is nothing wrong not wanting to spend Christmas with ungrateful steps. There is nothing wrong with not spending Christmas with your spouse.

There IS something wrong with making your own plans and not discussing them with him first. If the shoe were on the other foot, you'd likely be pissed. You chose your adult child over your husband; that's a bioparent no-no. Even if your DH pulls equal BS with you, that doesn't mean it's okay to do the same.

So, you need to tell him the whole truth, even if it causes a fight. He's going to be mad, and he has every right to be. The longer you put this off, the worse is will be.

I do agree with that, as I re

I do agree with that, as I re-read it. The convo should have come BEFORE the plane trip was booked.

Yes I caught that too. The

Yes I caught that too. The conversation should have taken place 1st before booking.

I book and cancel flights

I book and cancel flights occasionally. I had one booked for Thanksgiving but my son came here instaed. Its no penalty to cancel a flight so a booked flight is not final but my wanting to go is final in my head.

I guess thats why Im afraid

I guess thats why Im afraid to tell him. I know it's terrible that I booked a plane ticket while my SD was telling everyone how miserable it is with me around(no one beloeves her, they know). Im the only person who doesn't kiss her ass to win or buy her affection besides one other aunt, my SIL. Guess who she hates...me & Auntie S****. She has an aunt on mom's side who buys and pays for her iPhone and takes her on vacations. Grandma kisses her ass and took her in when mommy dearest left all 4 on the street with their stuff. My DH lived with his mom at the time and my saintly MIL(with a heart condition) drove the bitch to school 30 mins...60 round trip plus pick up so 2 hours of driving so princess didnt have to change high schools. Then she told sweet grandma she hates her, hates living with her, its a hell hole and they live like trash. Why do ypu think it was trashed...the skids. This is how DH lets this girl behave. Id have sent her back with her damn mother.

I feel bad, but not too bad aboit taking off for 4 days. He brought it on himself

So what are you afraid of?

So what are you afraid of? That he'll leave? You're already doing that. You're manifesting a fear that most married people have - that instead of talking about issues when they happen, they will just up and leave without giving the opportunity to fix anything.

I'm not giving your DH a pass. However, leaving town without discussing it with your DH first says a heck of a lot more about you as a wife than it doea him as a husband. It was a tit-for-tat move. You were hurt, so you wanted to hurt your DH in return. Even if there were compounding factors, that right there was part of the reason you did it, because otherwise you would feel far more guilt than you currently do.

I'll be blunt: I think you should divorce. You knew what the kids were like before, you knew how he interacted with them, and you got married anyway. Now you're too afraid to talk about how it hurts you because you don't want the consequences of your actions, but you make unilateral decisions that affect your DH without talking to him first. You can do that as an unmarried couple. As a married couple, that's one of the faster ways to lead to a slower divorce.

Also, I'm hoping this is a misinterpretation on my part, but you made it sound like you weren't going to tell him about this until AFTER he got frisky with you tonight, or at least until you found out if he would. That sits so very wrong with me.

I do understand and sympathise with why you are hurting, but this isn't the way to retaliate and keep your marriage healthy and alive. If you don't care about your marriage, then move forward with this plan of doing what you want to do, but just remove the whole bandaid and don't come back. If you want your marriage to survive, you need to talk to your DH and let him decide if he wants to forgive this. You can't be upset with the consequences after you already do the thing.

Im not leaving without

Im not leaving without telling him.

And i worked out last night...ever take a spin class? Those seats hurt like a mother so no frisky for me. I could care less if we have sex. I dont even enjoy it. dH wants to get a tattoo with our names and wedding date. I wont let him. I know this wont last...he still believes it will.

Im not doing any of this to retaliate. I need to get away and I want to be with my son.

Then just end it all. Why ask

Then just end it all. Why ask how to break this to him? "DH, I'm sorry this is right before Christmas, but I made a mistake in marrying you. After seeing how your kids treat family, and knowing what they think about me, and seeing you do nothing about it has me done. I'm going to my son's house for Christmas so you can have the space with your kids. I'll collect my belongings when I get back."

Not ready to give up. I didnt

Not ready to give up. I didnt know how bad it was til I moved in. Things run smoother when Im here. DH tries harder. When im not here he lets everything slide which leads to inconsistency and resentment toward me since I'm the bad guy.

Explaining normal

We come from different countries that have different cultures and ways to do Christmas day. For the past 5 years my kids have accommodated my husband's kids and done things the way they are used to and for one year they just want a Christmas like it was when they were younger. Last year was a ridiculous affair, my husbands kids refused to get dressed, then they refused to eat anything they were given, it was just an absolute shit show. And there is a grandchild in the mix of it all now too so they obviously want to things the way they are done in the country they live in for him.