Ugh.... I recall your posts and have wondered how you have been doing. I am sorry he couldn't grow the F up. It's just not going to. You have done your best to try and make the marrige work - HE hasn't. He just wants. And wants some more. It is NEVER enough for this kind of person. 

I just hope when you divorce (soon?!) you do not get saddled with some of his debt! And this effing prick will try... be sure to get a really good lawyer. 

Perhaps he can sell his effing sports car to pay off some of his debt.

DH and I hate buying Christmas gifts so this year we pre agreed not to get any for each other. Then two days before Christmas he double checked to make sure I had nothing stashed away for him just to be safe. If that arrangement wasn't in place it's not compulsory to buy a gift but extremely shitty to turn up empty handed. It's like coming to a dinner party empty handed and stuffing yourself silly. No one at the table would say anything, they just wouldn't invite you back. Time to revoke this guy's invitation into your life.

As for shame, I think it's a bit like depression. When you're so deep into that hole you can't see the way out. Everyone tells you what you need to do and they make it sound so easy. Yet you're paralysed and trapped in this place you don't want to be in. The funny thing about hindsight is when you look back at it you can actually feel a bit surprised that something so insignificant bothered you so much at the time. But it takes that courageous leap to take that first step. I hope one day soon you'll look back on this time in your life without any sense of shame, just relief that you got out.

What keeps you there? I don't think it's hope, that seems gone - it's most likely fear.  Figure out that fear and the path will be clear.

Please lawyer up. Sometimes doing something concrete helps in getting out of a "stuck mode".

Hugs to you.

You've gotten so much great advice above.  I just want to send you a virtual hug.

You've got this.  

You are one of my most fav on this site. You deserve happiness so yes get out of this hell and Get a divorce. I found this therapy psychiatrist on YouTube . Her speciality is narcs and covert narcs. Her channel is called Live Abuse Free . You should watch some of her videos but she has some on how how to leave a narc and why you ended with a narc. I too had an alcoholic father. You and I are empaths and they search us out for their ego kibbles . 

January is the busiest month for divorce filings, and for good reason. People want a fresh start.

Have you been making an exit strategy? Sometimes that can help make things more real.

I see a lot of me in you. In this post. The emotional abuse. The mental abuse. Living each day wanting nothing but love and appreciaton, but your husband always fInding a reason to be angry or upset with you. Sounds familiar.

I've married for 6 years and recently (finally) ,add the decision to separate. My husband sounds a lot like yours except that I'm between he was loving when he wanted to be. He kept me around that way. I'm a person that needs and gives a lot of love and affection. Ultimate,y his terrible children were the last straw and his unwillingness to compromise. I was tired of giving and giving sacrificing everything to get no support. 
 

I really hope you get the strength you need to be able to be better for yourself. It's not easy. I know. But you deserve better. We all do. It's amazing the peace you will find when you decide not to be battered anymore. It's even empowering. And for those moments when you feel weak or down or insecure, we are all here as a community to reaffirm you. 

A bit off topic but maybe not....my ex, in our early days, went overseas on a month long trip.

I did not ask for or expect a present.

I picked him up from the airport and drove him to his house. Mini wife had taken the day off to "welcome him home"

As soon as we got in the door she wanted her to presents....there followed the handing over of multiple gifts including 3 bottles of brandy, make up, perfume etc. After that performance, he handed me my "present".....a box of chocolates and a pkt of biscuits.

I was gobsmacked and embarrassed. I would rather have had nothing than that!

People have unexpected, sometimes violent, feelings during a separation.  Be careful.