Wow. I'm so sorry. Your gut instincts were right about this all along.

Soooo soooo sorry this happened to you!! Hopefully you can pick up the pieces and move on sooner rather than later. DH seems to be making a emotional decision because of BMs diagnosis, but when he comes begging to come back to you, remember the moment he choose his ex over you. Hugs for you! 

I could tell exactly what was going on from your first post.... I get strong intuitions about these sorts of things (always have).

But I will tell you right now..,, he is doing this from a foggy headed emotional standpoint, and one day he will strongly regret it.  BM is also not actually sorry, dhr just wants to save some face because now she is knowing that your child will be in her life and that what happened here is wrong on so many levels. 

What you need to do is get your life back, and go find a GOOD and BAGGAGE FREE man for you and your DD, and go and live a peaceful life:  Dont do anything to “punish” him, and don’t jump into anything too fast, but you take care of yourself.  I would be willing to bet that as soon as YOU are taking care of YOU and you have a new man that is when this “husband” of yours is going to collapse. I am 100% certain you will have him crawling back when he knows someone else has you- that is when it will hit him what his choices have done.

Even if BM gets better (which she most likely will), they will NOT last. I have yet to see a couple get back together and last more then a few years. There is always something fundamentally wrong that broke them up that is built into their makeup.... it never ever ever lasts.  I have given ex’s chances to reconcile in the past and it always blows up (usually even worse than the first breakup).,,, that is why now it I ever were to have a breakup I would NEVER go back. The familiarity is there so it is easy to fall into that trap, but it is not something that lasts.  Your DH is swayed by drama, has little foresight and pretty much no critical thinking skills- trust me, they will end in disaster.

But don’t you ever take him back.... he is not the right one for you. Go live and be happy and absolutely forget all about this guy.... you will find better (much better), you will find your “one”.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  You knew something wasn't right, and it wasn't.  

Take care of yourself and your daughter.  You deserve better than this man.

Call a friend and/or family member and get some support in real life.

I have always found these books helpful:

Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, Third Edition

By Abigail Trafford

How to Survive the Loss of a Love (2006) by Peter McWilliams

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You  by Susan Elliott

You feel like your world is ending now - and cliche though it may be - it will get better with time.

I'm so sorry honey.  You were a supportive loving wife and did everything right. Your only flaw was marrying someone who was still in love with someone else.  (((HUGS)))

You got to get out of there fast. before any custody arrangement. any visitation for DH with your DD will be with BM as "SM".  you need to put 4000 miles between you and DH before you file for custody and support.  get so far that he will have to travel 4000 miles to visit DD.  he will want you back after if BM passes, but why have your DD spend visitations with BM until then? 

While you have my deepest sympathy for what you are going through, I am absolutely angry on your behalf.  Despite all of DH's civility, he should have a boot shoved up his @ss - preferably one of your pointy-toed ones.

How in the world can a mature, responsible man toss aside his WIFE and a 2-YEAR OLD SMALL CHILD in favor of such a reckless emotionally-charged decision??   

What a coward he is.  What an irresponsible and damaging decision he's made, because he realizes he is still "in love" with BM.  He would rather break your heart, and reduce/limit his relationship with his very dependent small daughter so he can hold BM's hand and take care of his OLDER teenage children???  What the hell is he thinking.   It sounds like he is trying to play the lead in a Lifetime move about how true love prevails.   What a crock.

If he wants to know what true love is, then I suggest he look into the eyes of that darling two-year old girl and tell her she is not going to see him every day any more, because BM is more important.  I would MAKE him do that, if I were you.  He sure as hell better not leave the age-appropriate explaining to YOU!  Make him say it out loud to her and tell him he better get used to it, because this is the TRUTH that this girl will live with for the rest of her life and he will never, ever be able to dodge it with civility or every-other-weekend visits. 

And since those teen skids are old enough, they need to be told the truth too.  It should be made very clear to them that your small daughter will not have her father around, but they will.  It is only reasonable to think that may affect the skids too - while they may initially be happy about "daddy" being back home, they cannot ignore the reality that your daughter will not have him "home" again at all.  Since they are half-siblings, this could affect their relationships for the rest of their lives too - did Mr. Wonderful and BM consider that??

It is perfectly understandable that your heart is broken and you will be crying over this for awhile.  But know this to be true:  Each day, it will hurt a little less.  The emotional roller coaster you are on will go around and around, but you WILL get off this ride.  And when you do, start swinging - preferably with the best, most ruthless divorce attorney you can find.  

This man is a weak, coward with delusions of grandeur.  Be glad you are rid of him now instead of him sitting around for the rest of his life "dreaming" about what he might have had with BM.

Oh, and if it's any consolation consider this:  You can now treat BM like a "stepmother."  I'm sure she pulled plenty on you with the skids over the years, so take a play from her book and see how she likes it.  

Now is also a time where you should seek out support from your family and loved ones.  Be very clear about what happened and don't mince words.  Make it very transparent - DH has made this decision without regard for you or your daughter.  

You have been kind, loving, generous and faithful.  Those are qualities which will guide and protect you through this difficult phase of your life.  And when this phase is over, you will be stronger, wiser and will have a beautiful daughter who you can teach to be as strong as her mommy.

God bless.

I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry for you, but know, please know that deep down inside everything happens for a reason. I am sure a part of him loves you, he is confused at the idea that she is ill. You deserve committed love, you deserve to be cared for and valued. Focus on picking up the pieces, grow from this, sppek to you loved ones, workout daily, take a trip to a foreign country and volunteer... you can and will surmount, Time heals. Best of luck.

I’m so sorry to hear that you were right all the way. But I think that it anyway would have been hard to rebuild your marriage after his betrayal. As for him being very understanding and considerate now, of course he is! He is the one who has caused all the damage, and has all to gain from avoiding any further conflict from now on. I consider his acting as being very calculative, and not as any expression of concern for you or DD.

In my situation BM died, and my DH never had the opportunity to choose her. But if she had survived, I’m quite sure we would have been divorced today. I can assure you that it is not a good feeling to know this, and feel that you are a second hand choice for a man who’s hart belong somewhere else.

I believe that you will be better of yourself, and hopefully in the future meet a good and loving man who makes you his number one priority. 

Hugs

No words can express the lost your DD will have.  You have to keep it together, get a lawer and make Sure your right are protected.  You don’t have to move out, is he going to it his daughter on the street ?  Make sure you get CS and all the other support you can get, Medical, day care ect.

postpone the divorce till the 10 year mark, so you can collect SS on his record, if your income is lower than his.  Try to stay married. move far away before filing for child support.  file for Child support with DSHS. try to get CS without actually getting divorced.  Stay married, but move far far away dont ask for permission to move, dont file for CS with DSHS until you are 4000 miles away. Do you have a car and a car seat?

Nail their asses to the wall with a pile of CS and go for spousal support and any thing else  you and a killer attorney can dig  up to nail them with.

For damned sure do not ever consider taking him back once the toxic X kicks the bucket. When he comes pining at your door, call the police and have him frog marched off of your property and out of your life. And he will come pining.  Since past behavior is the best predictor of future performance this is par for the course with this POS.  Do not let him guilt you into tolerating back into your life. He will play the kid card, he will play the grief card, he will cry, snivel and whine.  Just keep rubbing his nose in is ball-less non man stench and have fun doing it.     

What a couple of POS people.  Bring the pain, rub their noses in their collective stench.  Don't ever stop and never tolerate his presence in your life and do what you can to get him out of your daughter's life.  No kid deserves such a POS in their life.  To prevent this move far away before you nail him for everything he will ever be worth.  Protect yourself and your baby.

Take care of you and your daughter.

Fuck them.

Hopefully bm will not die anytime soon but linger on in agony and pain. The bitch deserves it. Your DH on the other hand deserves worse than I could even imagine.