Agreed.....I could have written the one above by SL,

Your DH sounds like quite a wimpy piece of work.  I know, because I see those same traits in my SO.  

I am not sure where it comes from, or why these men continue to do it, but conflict-avoidance is a symptom of ... something.   In my SO's case, he has a very domineering and combative mother who ruled the roost and a father who was always relegated to the backseat without so much as a whisper.  I am assuming this was the fertile ground in which SO learned to be a doormat.  

Yet I've also thought that maybe his mother had to become the fighter because his father never would.   I don't really know - that goes back to their beginning when their relationship was developing.  Perhaps his mother held a lot of resentment over the fact she always had to take up the battles - whether with neighbors, merchants, family members, disciplining the kids, etc. while his dad was (comfortably) able to ignore it all and pretend it went away so he didn't have to deal with it.  

Sounds familiar to me.

My own personality tends to be one of get along with others to a point, then fight if you must.  This also was ingrained in me by my parents - both of them were pretty magnanamous but would fight like pit bulls when pushed or when confronted with something that was wrong.  And in our family, we knew our loved ones had our corner if we needed to put our dukes up.  We are also more open about our faults and at least admit to them.  If one of us is willingly getting ready to step on a landmine, you better believe that the others will speak up about it.  Maybe that is why SO was attracted to me - he knew I was a fighter and would have his back.  

The saddest part is that I now know he is incapable of doing the same for me. 

I had a situation at work which was essentially professional terrorism and caused me much pain and trouble for several years.  My SO knew how wrong it all was and saw how distressed I was about it.  But never, not once, did I see any outrage in him that someone he loved was being mistreated so badly.  At one point, one of the perpetrators actually got PHYSICAL with me at work and it had to be reported.  Still - not a peep of anger from my SO other than a shrug and a shaking of his head.  

Not many other men I know would allow their wife/girlfriend to be physically shoved around at work without saying something.  My SO is good with the intellectual or logical side of things but that's the extent of it.  It was at this point I realized that he doesn't have the guts to stand up when he really should.   And that includes with SD - she treats him horribly yet he won't say anything to her about it.  Complete non-confrontation. 

Even when he should be fighting FOR HER, he won't.  She married a gold-digger who is now quickly going through her inheritance but he refuses to even have a conversation with her about it.  Intellectually, he is right.  SD is an adult and if she's so stupid to let her husband blow through her money that's her business.   The thing I find incredible is that my SO won't even bring it up with her in a conversation!  Maybe SD has her own fears about it but doesn't have anyone she can talk about it with. Her mother (BM) essentially bought her 20-years younger husband with money, so guess who SD learned it from!  

At this point in his life, my SO is what he is and won't change.  SD is what she is and won't change. BM has SD wrapped around her finger, is the only parent who matters, and that won't change either.  While it all may look good superficially there is some serious dysfunction going on and it will never be addressed.     

To answer the question.  If I had any words of wisdom for a future woman in my SO's life I would say this:  Still waters run deep and may hide lurking monsters in their depths.   Keep your life vest on and always have your eyes on a safe harbor.