I'm not the one
Serious problems here regarding SS8 and how he treats my son. We're going on two years of bad behavior, bullying and just plain nastiness . He's thrown stuff at him, yelled in his face, snatched, it goes on and on .
Mil defends her favorite grandchild's behavior so much. "He acts out because he's hurt." But why are they giving him a free pass to treat my kid like this? I'm not happy about it at all.
I get so much anxiety when this kid is about to visit, my eyelids twitch and I can't concentrate on tasks. I try to cope but nothing seens to be working.
If I try to separate them so my son isn't here during visits then everyone gets all defensive that ss8 will have noone to play with but this isn't playing this is hell.
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Hell no. I wouldn't allow
Hell no. I wouldn't allow another kid to torment mine and then have others try and make ME feel guilty about it. No man (or woman) is worth that.
Catalyst
The one who is super permissive with him is MiL. I know she's not the parent but she doesn't help the situation with her coddling.
Her mentality is don't act up with me, but do whatever around your step siblings. She pushes this mindset that he's allowed to do whatever because he's hurt and can't deal with his emotions.
He's eight, for goodness sake
He's eight, for goodness sake, he isn't a toddler!
I suggest you make an appointment with a therapist for him to help him handle his emotions. Let MIL make what she will of that
Whether Teasing or normal kid stuff
My advice would be to seperate the kdis. If SS8 does not have anyone to play with, he should learn from it. This is how kids learn and get better. Dad is no doing his kid any favors.
I'll give it a try this weekend
Hopefully it works. Dad and SS might cry foul because God forbid SS is held accountable for his actions. My son says he hopes he has work to complete over the weekend, it'll buy him some peace and quiet.
When your kid wishes for homework so they don't have to interact with people that's not a good feeling.
Wishing he has homework isn't
Wishing he has homework isn't the worst thing. The worst thing is he doesn't feel safe at home.
Why give a sh*t about what DH
Why give a sh*t about what DH and SS think?
Why is MIL being blamed for
Why is MIL being blamed for what the child's father isn't doing? It's his job to set his son AND his mother straight on what kind of behavior is acceptable. I think you are letting him off easy.
Dad corrects the behavior,
Dad corrects the behavior, the reason why I blame mil is because she will blatantly defend ss8 within earshot, and it makes it harder when not everyone is on the same page.
Dad isn't perfect but he doesn't let everything slide. Mil starts running her mouth and the kid hears it, he thinks he's allowed to keep acting like this. He's very defiant too, and when corrected for one thing in less than an hour he's back at it again with something else or he'll cry to milk the situation.
Mil isn't the root but she plays a part. She's grandma and for most of his baby & toddler years was living in the same place as mom and dad. (way before I knew dad) He knows who coddles him and who doesn't.
Then your DH needs to ask his
Then your DH needs to ask his mother to stop, and expect her to correct inappropriate behavior or she will have less time with the kid.
The operative word is TELL
The operative word is TELL not ask.
Tell your MIL to LEAVE when
Tell your MIL to LEAVE when she pulls that crap. And NEVER go to her home.
If you have the ability to
If you have the ability to switch your son's schedule so that he's not there when the stepson is there, you should do that. Who cares what MIL or DH or SS think about it or whether SS has someone to play with. If his idea of playing is bullying your son, he shouldn't be "playing" anyway. Protect your kid from the bully or he's not even going to want to be there.
Yup
See my new blog entry .
I'm going to get my son out of the house for next visit. He can have fun with grandma instead of dealing with bratty pants the bully.
What if you go to MIL and
What if you go to MIL and tell her you're so worried about SS. Tell her how he's treating "other kids" and ask her to talk with him. Tell her you're worried he might be acting the same way at school and ask if she'd have a talk with him, "Because he loves and respects you so much, and I'm so worried he might get into trouble."
Only you know if flattery might bring MIL over to your side, but if you couch it in *genuine* concern for SS, flatter her and try to treat her as an ally, maybe she'll talk with him, or at the least, stop paving the way for his bad behavior.
I agree it's really on your husband to intervene, but we all know how useful these dads are. Go to the matriarch, flatter her, act as if you're going to her because she IS the matriarch.
It might not work -- it kind of depends on MIL's personality. But I think it might be worth trying to pull her over by acknowledging her authority and influence over SS, and convincing her you really need her help because of your concern for SS -- NOT for your own kids. Never, ever make it about your own kids. That just divides into camps of "us versus them."