Bio is star of the week - didn't include Skids on poster
My 2YO is star of the week at his daycare this week. As my husband and I were putting together his poster my SD15 came into the kitchen. It didn' have any words on it yet, but I had the pictures laid out on it. Two of the pictures are of my 2 bio-sons together (other is 5mos). A few others are either my husband or I with our 2YO.
My husband commented, after SD15 walked away, that he wondered if she noticed there were no pictures of her or SS16 on the poster. My immediate response was "well, they are never around him!". Honestly, I have NO pictures of them with either of my kids. They were both unhappy when I was pregnant with my oldest; and basically hated us (and still do) after I became pregnant with my second son. They have had little interaction with either of my boys aside from the occassional "hey, how are you doing" sort of thing and honestly, I would rather have it that way.
So...why would I WANT to include them on his poster board? Evil or realistic step-mom?
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Comments
Do you want your kids to have
Do you want your kids to have a good relationship with their older siblings?
The answer to that question should guide your interactions, or at least your DH's, with the steps.
I am personally of the opinion that parents need to foster relationships between siblings, and this includes stepparents. All because they don't like YOU doesn't mean that you should try and torpedo your kids' relationships. Your steps don't have to like you to love and enjoy their siblings.
Now, if you extend the olive branch solely for this purpose and they shy away from it, then that's on them. But don't purposefully exclude them because they haven't seen interested before. It does a disservice to your kids.
It's not that I disourage
It's not that I disourage them all to be friendly or spend time together. Whenever the Skids want to play with my bio sons I definitely allow it to happen and support it. BUT, I don't need to be made to feel bad that I don't have their pictuers on the poster of someone they don't do anything with. I have made other "Star of the Week" posters and they listed that my little guys loves his 2 sisters and 2 brothers (one SD19 doesn't live with us). So I have included them in the past.
My quick response though did keep DH from going any further with it. They aren't on there because they choose not to be involved. And, as lieutenant_dad said, most teenagers are disinterested...but I extend that to " distinterested in EVERYTHING!!!"
I just get frustrated that I am made to feel they need to be included in everything. They aren't little kids, if they were I could see that point more. If they choose to hang out with my little ones then so be it. If they don't, then so be it. I don't feel like I need to have them involved in everything.
Hmm. In this case I would
Hmm. In this case I would have rose to the occasion and asked DH to find a picture of them to put on the board if he feels like its necessary. It is important that he realizes that it is his responsibility to make sure his kids have a relationship together. He needs to take them to get ice cream together or buy Christmas presents from one to the other during the holidays.
I will be honest, I have always been the stepmom to make sure my SS and BS have a good relationship. I already know BM is pitting SS against us and would rather SS prefer her other child to my BS. As it turns out Spawn, SS's brother via BM also enjoys BS's company. When we are at the ballfield for SS's games, Spawn will come sit with us even though BM and her tribe will try bribing him with candy and everything else to move back to them and away from us. BS plays with Spawn very well. They are a year a part and I have come to accept that they will end up friends whether I like it or not so I might as well embrace it gracefully. Now if only BM will get over herself and get with the program. In the end it will make things a lot easier for your Skid if they don't see their siblings as choosing sides.
I don't think a SP should do
I don't think a SP should do anything to discourage a relationship between older skids and bio children, but those relationships either develop or they don't. I don't think you can make people connect.
I have a big age divide in
I have a big age divide in our household also. My oldest son is 16, daughters 14 and 13, SD 12 and bio son with my DH is 4. My BS16 plays with my son when he is not at practice and my girls are good to play with and watch him when it's fun and he isn't being a needy toddler. My sd12 will play with him at times but gets insanely jealous of times when she is visiting her mother and we do family things together without her. It's as if we should sit at home and wait til she returns to do anything. She is only gone 4 nights a month, but when she gets back she will go out of her way to take something of his or do something petty then she won't talk to him for a few days. Teenagers are by nature self centered and if it doesnt benefit them they dont take the time for it. I think your responsibility is to your kids and if your husband wants HIS kids to be more involved then he needs to handle it else skids will resent you and their half sibling(s) for it.