Am I the odd one?
DH shows me a text this weekend from SD. It was a photo from something at work (she works for him) and the caption is "What the F**K is going on in this F**king place". DH thought it was hiliarious. I didn't think it was. I told him it was disrespectful of her to use those words with him. I said how do you allow her to talk to you like that? He said "She not swearing at me"
We ended up with a conversation of him telling me every time you say something about SD this is what I hear "you are a piece of shit father, you screwed up, you should have done better, your daughter is a piece of shit" He tells me "I can't take back how I raised her." I told him even though she is 18 you can still point her in the right direction. Tell her don't be posting stuff like this online, don't be swearing at me, it's disrespectful. He said he doesn't feel that it's disrespectful.
I'm a grown adult, married with children and I recently said "damn it" in front of my mom and her response was "please watch your mouth in front of me"
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I don't mind swearing. I don
I don't mind swearing. I don't want to be sworn at, but if my SS18 drops an F-bomb here and there, that doesn't bother me. My mother also hates swearing, but she's 84. Personally, I swear myself. I think it's fine for kids to do, they just have to know when it's OK.
So I don't think you are "odd", you and DH have different feelings about it.
Thank you. We definitely
Thank you. We definitely have different feelings on raising kids in general. I wouldn't want our kids to talk that way. My mom never really swears. My dad does but he has never said F**K in front of my mom, me or any other woman for that matter. My grandpa cussed like a sailor but again, he never said that work in front of women.
Once they are adults, I don’t
Once they are adults, I don’t mind it. If it was excessive, maybe.
You said it was with a
You said it was with a picture from work. There is the line for me. If it reflects on the business poorly than she should have that pointed out and limits put in place. Its one thing to do that on your private social media, its another when it reflects on your business.
I taught mine that there is a time and place for everything. Be smart enough to know the difference.
How does this impact you? In
How does this impact you? In reality, it doesn't. If he is fine with how SD talks to him, then you really have no say. I'd be super annoyed at DH if he told me that my family had to change the way they talked to me privately.
Now, you can *totally* tell SD not to curse in front of you. You can tell DH to not share vulgar messages with you. That is within your realm of control. But how SD talks to DH? Nope, not your problem or concern.
I feel its disrespectful to
I feel its disrespectful to my DH. I feel SD is disrespecting him. We still pay bills for her and we have combined checking. My hard earned money goes to PAY her bills. Therefore I feel I can tell DH when I think SD is out of line. If he doesn't want me telling him something like that then he doesn't need MY paycheck to pay her bills.
F**k no!!! You're not the
F**k no!!! You're not the odd one!
Sorry, had to do it.
Haha. Thank you. Maybe I'm
Haha. Thank you. Maybe I'm still old school but I don't think it's right to cuss like that in front of your parents. Now if you stub your toe and say "shit" or something to that nature then ok. But to send your dad a text that says "what the F**k is going on in this F'ing place" To me that would be like wow take a step back and look who you're talking to. You're talking to your father, not your friends.
Wouldn't the picture have the same meaning if she would have said "What is this and why?"
I would roll my eyes at you -
I would roll my eyes at you - he has a very valid point. I find your response petty and uncalled for honestly. Maybe he should stop sharing.
Let me ask you this, would
Let me ask you this, would you want your 18 year old child to walk up to grandma and say "what the F**k is going on?"
I sure don't want her talking like that to my parents. I don't want her talking to me like that. So if that is a normal conversation between them she's going to think it's ok to talk to every adult that way.
She's 18, not 8. She should
She's 18, not 8. She should understand by now that there are people you can and can't say certain things around. All because she is comfortable around one adult doesn't mean she'll be comfortable around all others.
It was a photo from something
The reply should have been if you are not happy with your job feel free to look for another one.
YOU are not the odd one.
YOU are not the odd one.
They are foul mouthed.
Thanks. I mean I get it if
Thanks. I mean I get it if she's saying it around her friends whatever that can't be stopped. But do you want your kids saying that in front of grandma? She's going to think if you allow her to talk that way then it's no big deal and that it's ok that she can talk to everyone that way.
Well - just because she says
Well - just because she says it to her father (who is OK with it), doesn't mean she will say it to her Grandma. That's a bit of a leap. And if she does, Grandma can call her out on it. My mother does with my nieces if they swear in front of her.
Since she's working, I assume she's at least 16. Kids that age usually know who they can and can't swear in front of.
I'm just kind of making a
I'm just kind of making a point. If it's not ok to say to grandma, why is it ok to say to dad?
Because Grandma doesn't like
Because Grandma doesn't like it and Dad doesn't mind. My husband swears in front of me, but not his boss. It's all about knowing when it's OK and when it's not. And if Dad is OK with it, then that's his decision.
I highly doubt this teenager
I highly doubt this teenager knows right from wrong and when it's ok. Sorry I know this doesn't compare to swearing but this is the same girl that posted photos of herself online with a beer in her hand behind the wheel of a car. Shouldn't she know that is wrong yet she still did it.
Because Dad doesn't have an
Because Dad doesn't have an issue with it.
If she ever tries to get another job,
and her potential employers look at her facebook, they may be inclined to not hire her. If you would prefer she work elsewhere sometime in the future, you might try pointing this out to DH.
Exactly! We have a cousin
Exactly! We have a cousin that works for a large nationwide plumbing manufacturer and he said the first thing they do is look at social media and he said they have not hired many people because of things they post.
Bingo! I did a round of
Bingo! I did a round of hiring a couple of months ago and a perfect candidate fell into our lap. We interviewed her twice, had "few minor concerns" but were ready to make her an offer until it dawned on me that I hadn't looked at her social media yet. Her open FB page made me realize that my "few minor concerns" were big major problems loaded with drama, and thankfully never made her an offer.
Well you find it
Well you find it disrespectful, you don't get to Define disrespectful for everyone else. I recently had a friend trying to do this about something my kids do with me. She found it disrespectful, but I don't, therefore it's not. We all have to make our own boundaries. Just because this is one of yours does not mean it has to be one of your husband's.
Totally agree!
Totally agree!
I don't mind swearing. I live in a more sweary culture. I allow my son and stepsons (12,11, 9) to swear. They know very well who they can and can't swear around.
It does sound like this girl does need some education about what is appropriate to post on social media though. That would be what I'd focus on.
You and your DH grew up
You and your DH grew up differently. I'd never curse in front of my parents or family. DH's side of the family curses up a storm all the time.
SD18 would do exactly what yours did. DH doesn't have a problem with it. I technically don't have a problem with it either as I curse when I'm pissed or use cursing in jokes. Not a big deal to me.
What is a big deal is that some young adults (and adults) are too self-involved to understand appropriateness with cursing. SD18 will inappropriately curse a lot. She will curse in front of DS3, at a playground when with DS3 and other kids, and in front of her granddad (though in front of grandmom is fine). Stuff like that. It makes me cringe. That's why I'm not a fan of cursing these days.
I swear like a sailor, but
I swear like a sailor, but never so casually around my parents. I'm not that old (36) but I'm not that young that a little thing called respect is lost on me.
I'm the same age. I may
I'm the same age. I may swear around my husband or my friends but I don't swear in front of my parents. Like you said respect. And probably if she said Sh*t or P**s in the text it wouldn't be that big of a deal but What the F is going on in this F'ing place, I felt like it was totally disrespectful. But that's just me!