Would this bother you?
DH and I were both gone yesterday evening until about 9pm. SD's art supplies she ordered were delivered and SD was told we will arrange to get them to her when that happens. The Amazon order said they'd be delivered 8pm Monday night so I don't know if you get an email alert when they're actually delivered?
So BM texted DH something like: "we went by your house to pickup SD's package just so you don't think someone stole it". That was about 6:45. DH told me to just be happy that SD got her art supplies and to "be grateful" that we don't have to drop them off to her or see BM.
I know SD was excited about them but I am not ok with BM just dropping in and picking up something that was ordered from our home. Is it dumb for me to feel like a boundary was crossed, especially since BM doesn't communicate to DH about actual matters regarding SD such as signing her up for extracurriculars on his time or, I don't know, when she has an orthodontist appointment!? I think my mama mode is just kicking in and I'm over BM thinking she rules everything. Grr!
On a positive note, I felt clear movements from baby girl last night as I was laying down for bed! I'm 17.5 weeks and my belly skin in finally stretching so I'll actually look pregnant soon instead of just extremely bloated lol
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As long as the delivery was
As long as the delivery was on the front porch (where anyone could just lift the package) I probably wouldn't have an issue with SD coming to grab it. And BM did text to let Dad know they had done so, so he knew what happened to the package.
I think with SD scheduled to be at BM's Monday evening, I would have had the package just deliver to BM's. That way, no need for BM/SD to be coming around or bugging you/Dad about bringing the item to SD. Kids usually have the patience of a gnat when it comes to waiting expecting something they are excited about receiving and knows it's about to arrive.
What I wouldn't want nor tolerate is BM having access to the inside of my home, I also would be upset if there had been more to the order delivered (something delivered for Dad or you too) and SD came running more and opened it all and took her part.
I find the not communicating about dr/dentist appointments nor prediscussing extra curricular activities complete different levels of necessities between homes than 'I picked up my delivered package, FYI' .
But then, I don't get excited over what I consider (my opinion only) little things. I get enough platters full of big things to fuss over that I long ago decided what 'counts' for me and what doesn't count. Picked up art supplies meant for SD anyway wont be a 'counter' for me.
You're right that the package
You're right that the package should've been delivered to BM's knowing that SD would be with her then. This technically doesn't affect me and DH didn't care but I just wish SD was 18 already. DH definitely isn't working on her vehicles anymore so I hope the communication stops when SD goes to college.
You're also right that this isn't a "biggie" but with the recent hostilities, I'm just annoyed with BM but what's new?
Yes, it would annoy me if BM
Yes, it would annoy me if BM just stopped at my house, without asking, and took something off my porch. ESPECIALLY if it was something for the kids that they had specifically been told to WAIT until arrangements could be made.
If I were your DH, I would tell BM that she is to ASK in the future BEFORE she does something as there may be a reason why SD was told to wait. Then, when SD came over next with the supplies, I would take them from her until she went back to BM's as punishment for not listening to me.
From a disengagement standpoint, I wouldn't bring the SD-didn't-listen part up. I would, however, tell DH that you do not want BM on your property when you all are not home. That is an extremely reasonable request as someone who lives on the property.
Things like this is
Things like this are definitely making disengagement hard! And of course DH won't say anything to BM because he doesn't want to talk to her. I get it but we still have half a decade of dealing with the witch. I think when baby comes I'll have an easier time disengagement more. I sure hope so, anyway..
Maybe DH gave SD the ok, I didn't see that part but all I know is BM told him she stopped by.
I think a boundary has been
I think a boundary has been crossed... You told SD you'd figure out getting it to her. So she really didn't have the right to just stop in and grab it. Then BM just syaing "oh we stopped by and took X from the porch at your house." Just feels like an invasion of privacy to me. You ordered the package, it was your home, and you told SD you had it under control. To me it feels like going behind your back just because they want to. If she had messaged and asked if it would be easier for you if she took SD to grab it I may feel different. But how they went about it feels like an invasion of privacy and like going behind your back.
Thanks, PAI, I'm not just a
Thanks, PAI, I'm not just a controlling SM after all! The way you put it is exactly how I feel. I get that SD was excited and couldn't wait another minute but if BM actually ASKED for permission to stop by instead of just DOING as she's used to, I'd be fine. However, DH just won't deal with her and of course "as long as SD is happy"....
Now if SD messaged DH first and got permission to stop by, that may have happened but all I saw was BM's communication.
You're not! You just want and
You're not! You just want and expect boundaries! Which I completely understand!
Excitement isn't a good enough excuse to me for someone to lose common courtesy and go behind your back to do what they want.
Like I said, maybe SD got
Like I said, maybe SD got approval from DH and BM was just confirming with him in case we came home when they were there. I don't know. No wonder DH doesn't tell me things like this. It upsets me more than it's worth..
Eh, I find that when you find
Eh, I find that when you find something out later and possibly only have part of the story that's more upsetting than just bieng informed in the first place. But maybe I'm just moody. LOL
I'm moody, too. Well, I go
I'm moody, too. Well, I go between moody and perfectly fine. I am bothered about finding out after the fact because I would've been looking for the package when we got home.
We buy a lot online and there
We buy a lot online and there might be several boxes outside at any given moment. I don’t want people to drive by picking up boxes of my porch, and I don’t care who does it. Maybe if they asked ahead of time but not after the fact. It’s unacceptable!!
SD may have had DH's approval
SD may have had DH's approval and BM was just covering her ass in case we came home when she was there.. I don't know but I don't even care. I am sick of the intrusion in our lives, period.
If DH gave them permission
If DH gave them permission then there is no intrusion and your issue should be with DH, not SD and BM. Did you ask DH if he gave them permission? Why don’t you ask him first?
If he did give a permission, then not only you are upset with wrong people but you also kind of wasted everyone’s energy here. Everyone is replying to a situation with BM and SD getting things of your porch with no permission but in reality it’s entirely different story all together?
He didn't say so I assumed it
He didn't say so I assumed it was just BM dropping in. He was showing me a message from someone else and I saw BM had texted him recently. I asked what she wanted and he told me to check for myself.
When I asked him if it was stupid I was annoyed at her just dropping in, he failed to say that he gave SD permission, only "just be happy that SD got her supplies and I didn't have to drop them off".
So what is this thread about
So what is this thread about then? Is this now about DH not informing you about things or still BM “intruding without permission”?
This thread is about BM
This thread is about BM communicating about this but can't tell DH about SD's orthodontist appointments or actual coparenting matters. Our house is like Fort Knox, has barred windows in a decent neighborhood, and 2 dogs inside.
Yes, I'm annoyed that they even showed up instead of waiting like SD was told but more importantly that BM selectively chooses to communicate with DH.
Honestly…I normally disagree
Honestly…I normally disagree with you about a lot of things. BUT NOT THIS. Nope.
DH should have text her back and said … “Appreciate it but please do not show up at the house un announced. And please let me know beforehand that you want to pick up something from my porch.”
This is one thing I would be livid about and your DH is a big wuss if he does not nip this right now. BM will never know to stop it if DH does not tell her. This will just happen over and over through the years.
There is just so much wrong with BM thinking she can go to her ex husbands house whenever she wants, without the curtesy of telling anyone.
And congrats! I remember the first little flutter of movement. :)
Exactly - first, it's
Exactly - first, it's something from the porch when you're not home. Next, it's something that SD just has to have while SHE is at home and you are not.
Then, as it did for me, it ends up with BM walking into your house when you and DH have run to the grocery for 15 minutes and she takes SD.
Nope nope nope nope nope!!
About a year or so ago when I
About a year or so ago when I was at work, BM picked SD up and went into her room. DH must've been in the living room.. Anyway, BM helped herself to "her" clothes to take back to her house, basically leaving SD with nothing but pajamas to wear at our house. SD wasn't sleeping over as often then but BM sure didn't bother to return the clothes that WE bought that never returned from her home. I was absolutely livid and of course, the ostrich didn't notice.
Why the instant gratification
Why the instant gratification? SD could have waited until the next time she is at your house.
And no, BM was trespassing. She shouldn't be on your property without your permission, especially if you are not home. What's next, is she gonna come in the house and help herself to whatever, "for SD"?
Because skids shouldn't have
Because skids shouldn't have to wait for anything in life, don't you know?? I don't think she even got into art this year. I get that she wants the items that she did buy with her birthday money and obviously wanted to use them right away. Now I understand why DH doesn't tell me every single communication with BM because I get annoyed, especially because last week she was going to pick SD up from our house for her orthodontist appt and didn't say a damn thing to DH.
And as I said above, she's already helped herself to SD's clothes at our house that she bought but didn't return the clothes we bought that never made it back to our house.
Wouldn't it have been nice if
Wouldn't it have been nice if a neighbour who didn't know her saw her collecting the parcel and called the police ...
Oh my goodness, yes!! And now
Oh my goodness, yes!! And now that I think of it, DH should've told me that they picked the package up because I would've been looking for it when we got home. He knows that almost everything to do with BM annoys me so he rarely tells me unless it's a big deal but not telling me also isn't smart.
Next time...
Just have them sent somewhere else.. its not okay.. totally not okay - what if you had some other things that you ordered in the same box? Not okay !