Background:

BM2 has a bioson11(just turned 11 last week). The BMBS11 is a great kid who was brought up by my MIL as her grandson( BMBS11 is not blood related to my husband but is half brother to ss6). BM2 was drinking and doing drugs and shortly before she met my DH lost/ gave up parental rights to BMBS11. His guardians for the past decade are very well off and able to provide him with the finer things. As a result he is flourishing.

BM has had visitation EOWE ( from what I understand with limited info filtered by Dh and MIL) and ever since we got married has not let BMBS11 to come over( she is also married)Ss12 would go over the BM2 house with MIL and spend time over there maybe once a momth. I should also mention that ever since BM2 and DH split 5ys ago she only asked for SS12 to come over once whereas we ask for BSBM11 to come over at least once per month.

Recently my MIL sister died. Someone all kids knew. And were close to from MIL.  My Dhs relatives commented about how come we(DH and I ) are not spending more time with the grandkids and how we seem to be ignoring BMBS11. And poor BSBM11 how he has nobody.( both BMs were at the funeral with ss12, ss6 and BMBS11 arrived separately from us and MIL. All of us hugged eachother. BM2 brought her new husband and her new husband's parents.) The relatives continued to hint that DH and I should be spending some time consoling BSBM11. ( It should be mentioned that I am DHs only wife and he was never married to BMs). Bm2 is MIL favorite and introduced to family as her daughter.

After a littany of hints ( and BM2s departure)I finally responded that BMBS11  is not a blood grandchild nor is he in any way related to my DH and. whatever he might be considered he is not my or my DH responsability. Nor is it our fault that BM2 is his mother or that MIL wants to continually call strangers her grandkids. (I said this as calmly as I could bc it was after all a funeral)

Should it not be the "gandmother" or the BMs takinig care of the children they Spawned and issues they created? why do these stupid people think that anybody would want to treat their husbands exs child better than they treat the biochildren or stepkids.

So many more things I want to say and scream.

Aaarrghhhh