OMG. This is a nightmare! I would not let that little dictator run the show, that's for sure. Meltdown or no, you're not deciding when we eat, what we watch, etc. I would honestly try to completely change your tactic- if he throws a meltdown, he goes into his room and stays there. EVERY time. Do not negotiate with terrorists!!

Yes I do. I’m scared that both SD and SS will be depressed and miserable. Both are socially awkward and neither have any friends. They are both academically smart but socially inept. So they may get good grades but be depressed due to social isolation. SD is manipulative and attention hungry and argumentative so she may end up lonely. Depression  runs in their family and both skids are already showing signs of severe depression. 

Fact is they never will be actual adults, they may have adult bodies but the rest will still be the spoiled , entitled little losers they are now, at least that's what i have experienced.

Yes I think this everyday about my skids. Also it seems they get worse the older they get. I refuse to raise entitled kids but my so seems to think it is the way to parent for some reason. They are entitled, lazy, coddled and manipulative. They won’t even drink tap water and waste bottled water everyday but taking a new bottle, having two sips and throwing it out. What a waste. They won’t do anything unless there is an incentive involved (new toy, candy, video games, can watch tv late, etc) and so wonders why they act the way they do. They never are ok with being told no and push everything to the max. They throw tantrums appropriate for children that are several years younger than they are. But it’s his fault for parenting the way he does. Of course it doesn’t help that mil very much encourages and promotes this type of poor parenting and coddling as well.

LOL at Personally I was hoping a bear ate him or get lost in the woods and never be found hahahaha!!!

I couldn't resist

He's not going to stop the fits until he's taught they don't work. He's 11. If he won't leave the house without a fit, leave him there alone. If you're worried about him damaging your home, "leave" and when he starts the damage, call the cops and scare the crap out of him. If he's throwing a fit at home, send him to his room. If he becomes violent, call the cops and scare the crap out of him. He hides in the woods, take away EVERYTHING he  has other than his bed and a few pieces of clothing so he sees just a little bit of what it would be like in jail or if he were kidnapped because of his stupidity. 

"SS has been diagnosed with all these Mood issues" some of this may be true, but someone needs to parent the kid. This kid is a feral wild animal and your DH and BM are creating a monster.

Boy, where is Rags on this, I would love to see his comments.

Here's what I would do, because I was raised very old school. screaming meltdowns would getting a glass of ice water thrown in his face, told to stop and everything he has will be taken away from him until he can learn to act right. My son pulled the hiding crap one time, I did the same thing you did, I agreed to do what he wanted, When he came out of hiding, I whipped his ass with a wooden spoon and told he that this was the last time he ever pull a stunt like this, because I would whip him 10 times harder the next time. When we got home I took everything out of his room and left him with a bare mattress. He was 11 yrs old at the time and he spent all summer with a bare mattress and nothing else. I would hand him a clean clothes each day and that was it. No arguments, no back talking and no meltdowns. Was it abusive, probably, but there are times that the only way to get through to a stubborn kids is to show them that their actions will cause them pain for not acting right.

Parents now days are so afraid to punish their brats for fear of being turned in. I was a single mom for many years and I would not put up with very much. There are some kids that talking with them or time outs do not work, hell, even taking everything away doesn't work. This is the point that a good old ass whipping comes into play. But when you throw in the factor of a divorce and a crazy BM, your SS is the result.

I used to do that. Now I don't care because they are not my problem. DH has already said that if they fail, then they fail. And it will be a cold day in He!! before an adult skid ever does more than spend one extremely rare night under our roof.

I don’t worry much about my eldest SS 28, other then his lifestyle sometimes, with the partying and drinking, But overall he mostly has he’s stuff together and is a good person. But my SS13 is a completely different story, that one I wonder about. I think he’s evil.. he doesn’t listen to anything I say, doesn’t help out at home unless I basically force him by saying I’ll tell DH. But when DH is Home, he’s beyond polite, and will do things like unload the dishwasher without being told, but when he does this he will also give me a sideways look with a smirk. When we go out in public with DH he will run ahead to open a door for me, but when I take him out without DH he will let the door hit me before he would ever consider opening a door. I know none of this sounds like anything much, but when he does these “nice” things when only DH is present, the look from the child is truly bone chilling. And..it makes me look like an ass bc I bitch about his behavior to DH..but he never gets to see it, bc SS acts like a saint when DH is around. I’ve actually considered recording him when DH isn’t Home just to show the major difference in his behavior. Our friends and family members have all seen this, and some have said..it’s psychopathic traits.  

I have the same issues with my bf's kids (I just moved in 2.5 months ago and I am in way over my head).

My question is, does it make any of you question your partner as a person to see how they handle their kids, or how they've parented them to make them become this way? Moving in and seeing all their mistakes manifest is making me seriously question things.

Anyone?

I do all the time.  I can't fathom sd being an adult.... she's going to be like that girl that went to dr phil because get mom lowered her allowance to $1000. She'll be like "it was just so much work. I can't do it."  

I imagine my SD is going to turn out just like her mom sadly. I used to be hopeful that she'd mature and learn to deal with issues and not be so self centered and manipulative. She's said that her mom told her she can only stay after high school if she's in school and her grades have been pretty bad for a long time so I feel like that's unlikely. I fear that she'll try to move in with us when she turns 18 and although she's avoiding us again now and her dad is in agreement that her staying here does not work I think he may not be able to do that.

SD17 actually makes good grades and wants to go to nursing school. Then there is SS18 who is lazy and will not apply himself at all. He won't be able to even get into college with his grades. I'm afraid he will be living with us forever. He has no motivation to do anything at all. Hell, he won't even get a part time job. SD hates our household and me so much that I think she will want to move out, although my bubble was busted a few weeks agon when H told me he thought he had her convinced to go to Jr College first. UGH!!! I want them both gone. I have great plans for their rooms.

Re-read your post. He has you all trained very well.

I look at SS11 when he's having one of his many crying, screaming meltdowns over something most kids would just brush off and think how the "BEEP" are you going to function in the real world??? I would even just like to know how he can just get through the school day without killing someone! I would LOVE to go up to a teacher and say how the "BEEP" do you get this little bastard to do anything?? BD and I have to bribe SS with the promise of a gift to get him to go anyplace. Things most kids like, hiking, eating out, going to the pool swimming  SS hates and needs to entertained almost 24/7 when home. There is no compromise on evening TV shows in the family room. Its what SS wants or meltdown. If we want to eat dinner as a family SS decides when we eat. Last year we went to Maine for a vacation. After spending two days on the beach the third day we decided to do something else. Well SS brat wanted nothing of that swore at us and took off running in the Maine wilderness. We looked for him for over an hour but he was hiding and would not come out so we were forced to just go back to your car and wait for him. Personally I was hoping a bear ate him. The only way he came out was to start yelling we would spend the day at the beach AGAIN. SS has been diagnosed with all these Mood issues but good god one would think he still needs to function in society. I know he's only 11 but what will he be like when he's 16? Every year I keep hoping he will grow out of these issues but not yet. Where one thing may get better something else takes its place.

Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Entitlement-Cure-Finding-Success-Things/dp/031033...

...and follow what it says. DW referred to her kids' behaviors as "a passing phase." BS. A cracking voice is a "passing phase." Bad behavior needs to be trained OUT of them by setting boundaries and giving repercussions - and not rewarding "what they're s'posed to do." You all have some work to do - this will not cure itself.

And PLEASE don't let him out on the streets until you fix him. I don't even want to see his resume when he applies for a job at my place of work.