New here...there's a crowd...BM who just won't go away...
Ok SS17 graduates next month and BD and I plan on having a "family party" at out house for him. Well we just found out BM invited herself over to my inlaws to have her party there. BM used the excuse her place is "to small" for all of SS's friends and the grandparents have a big backyard and would make it easier for them so they would not have to "drive" anyplace. There is no reason she can't rent a place like other people. BM fought the divorce and pulled crap like this for the last 10 years. When SS was younger she always wanted "joint birthday parties" or if she happen to drop SS off she always had to come to the door to visit with DH till he shut the door in her face. I feel his lastest stunt is either a last ditch attempt to get us to just have one big party with her at my inlaws or her way of "hanging out" with my inlaws. Am I overreacting? What do you guys think? Is this normal for your husband's exwife to ask to use your inlaws house for SS's gradation party? Would this bother you?
Consider for a moment that
Consider for a moment that the in laws do not belong to you or even your partner. Of course there’s not enough information here to know everything but if the in laws are allowing this then there is nothing you can do nor is it your place.
Consider this. The in laws might actually like the children’s bio mom or at the very least not hate her and be willing to support her for the good of their grandchild. Even in the cases where the ex did something seriously wrong people don’t always cut ties.
If you don’t want to go then that’s perfectly reasonable but what your in laws do is none of your concern and not your place to worry about. If your DH has a reason to be upset then it’s his job to take it up with them but be careful to not to come off as petty. Maybe the in laws are more than happy to help have a party for their grandchild. After all then they don’t have to “drive” anyplace and they do have a big backyard.
BM will NEVER go away completely. Sorry her and your partner share kids. There will be events where she’ll be around and you’re going to have to learn to deal with it. It’s just part of the package.
Totally agree
Why get divorced in that case? Joint parties would put me on red alert and I certainly would never attend one if my in-laws pulled that sort of stunt.
One of DH’s brothers and his wife attended BM’s wedding about a year ago. I thought that was f**ked up. DH views this as a complete kick in his and my face and is very sad about the fact that he no longer has a loyal brother.
His other brother and sister and father were not invited and wouldn’t have gone anyway as they don’t believe BM’s crap. I get on very well with them. His disloyal brother and wife?! I see them once a year at Christmas and don’t bother even pretending to make nice. They were never pleasant to me and life’s too short. If they had been a little less Team BM they would have worked out I am actually a nice person and good friend to have. Their loss.
Yea, just no
This is very disrespectful to your DH and totally inappropriate of Bm. It would get under my skin and I would be shocked. She's not part of your Dh's family.
BM can only do what your DH
BM can only do what your DH will allow her to get away with *unknw* He is the boundary-setter, the kid is 17 at this point so she’s gotten away with it for a while it seems. Y’all can go either way:
HE can tell BM “no,” as well as his parents, HE can tell her that BM needs to go ahead and accept the new phase of life that’s about to hit her-No Contact, because the kid is aging/graduating out; therefore, communication with her or her with his family is unnecessary....until skid marries or reproduces.
OR
Yall can play along, crash the party (it is his parents house anyway) and walk around joyfully embracing the fact that it will be the last time y’all will have to be together until the kid marries and/or has children. Y’all are free...at least for a time anyway.