DH admitted court battle will cost us..
We had a short convo about the BM/ SD situation at brunch yesterday and I told DH that I honestly think 50/50 will go away when he motions to modify custody and he said he wouldn't be surprised but that he has a "kick ass" lawyer who is one of the best in the city and is apparently very powerful. The mention of it costing $$ to probably be worse off made my stomach turn. I'm trying not to think about it too much, but I just want *my* family, not DH's baggage. DH is very excited about baby and is already talking about having another asap lol he also said he may even go for full custody if/ when BM proves to be noncompliant with anything he proposes which is how she has always been in court because her control and income are threatened.
I wish everyone could be amicable and that BM wasn't so fixated on money that she *thinks* DH owes her. I'm just sick of it. SD isn't much of a bother when she's here and stays in her room most of the time, but what happened last Thursday made me really POed at her. She knew she was being a snot by speaking to DH the way she did and I know BM is putting ideas in her head, but I'm over it already! I don't know if 5 months is long enough to establish 50/50 officially on paper but BM has given DH way over the allotted time in the CO for quite some time now with multiple overnights and out of town trips that weren't COed. Of course, she benefits because SD was out of her hair but I know she'll cry wolf when it comes to court and she'll bring up all the crap she can to keep DH from getting official 50/50 because that's just how she operates. Ugh.
Also, I plan to continue disengaging and will be working full-time by the time SD is back in school so that means no helping out with pick ups or drop offs. Yay me!
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Have you been codumenting all
Have you been codumenting all the time that you've been getting with SD? That will help in court tremendously... Especially if you have pictures and everything to back it up!
But yes, court is expensive... We still owe $700 to our lawer... Bleck!
Yay for full time working!!!
Just dates written in a
Just dates written in a notebook and a few years of things but it's probably irrelevant now. No pictures but it would be stupid of BM to lie about us having 50/50 since March. GBM also knows this and she wouldn't lie in court if questioned. And will mediation be requested first? I'm not sure what the attorney's angle will be. Will DH look hostile if he denies mediation? They had multiple sessions in the initial process and it never got anywhere because BM couldn't agree to ANYTHING reasonable, surprise surprise. Also, it isn't allowed to documented so BM is allowed to be a total twat with no legal documentation which pisses me off, too.
Mediation mostly depends on
Mediation mostly depends on the judge. When we went in for court he ordered them to attempt it. BM naturally had a fit so it went to trial...
Ours was same day, mediation failed so we had trial later the same day.
They've never even spoken to
They've never even spoken to a judge before, just the hearing officer and the judge signed off on her (shitty) recommendations. They were both originally pro se. DH got nothing but crap in the initial proceedings so he just gave up and "played nice" which translates to getting taken advantage of. Now he's pissed off that BM thinks she is so entitled to his money and says she just needs something to "hold over his head" which is true but I honestly wish he'd just kept kissing her ass to avoid the stress of court and the financial burden that comes along with a lawyer. I also assume that BM or GBM will fund a lawyer when they find out DH has one. Maybe that will make things go more smoothly? I just want BM out of our lives already but there are still FIVE more years.. Sad face.
What makes your husband think
What makes your husband think that he could get full custody?
I've no idea. BM blatantly
I've no idea. BM blatantly bad mouthed him before with no repercussions so I know her tune isn't going to change this time. I wish he'd just not said anything to her last week and just kept kissing her ass.
I think any skid
who has been PAS poisoned by the time they learn to speak is beyond redemption after age 4-5 without massive de-programming.
Any skid that's older than that is basically damaged goods and can't be de-programmed. JMO.
In my case YSS stb 16 is CONSTANTLY truant and failing yet I would NEVER suggest full custody of him. He's waaaaaaay too far gone. This kid has been PASed since he learned to speak.
I was afraid to hear that. I
I was afraid to hear that. I don't want full custody by any means. Honestly, I wish BM would just move away and take SD like she planned to do a few years ago.
You should go with your H to
You should go with your H to meet with the attorney, if only to ask the hard questions and prevent smoke being blow up your H's a$$.
Check your state's cs calculator to see how much your H could be required to pay, both currently and with 50/50. It may not be advisable to poke the bear. And if the attorney suggests fighting for full custody in hopes of settling to 50/50, walk away. This is a tactic to milk maximum $$$. Because unless BM dies or goes to prison for running a heroin shooting gallery out of her home, your DH is never going to be awarded full custody. No judge would cause such upheaval in a child's life unless their safety was at risk.
I definitely want to be there
I definitely want to be there because I'm more articulate with words and DH gets flustered about custody matters. And what if BM has always been CP but we have years worth of DH having more than COed visitation and 5 months worth of dates for 50/50? I know he pissed her off the other day so I'm 100% sure BM will say 50/50 isn't working out, etc. and try to back to the original CO.
6 months is considered
6 months is considered "Status quo" the important thing is to get it filed ASAP since DH already gave her a heads up. She isn't obligated to give him that time and if she pulls it before you get court filed you may lose the advantage of status quo by the time you get to court.
She could easily say it wasn't working & he filed out of petty revenge.
And she must keep her tax
And she must keep her tax credit and monthly check!