I would forge ahead very slowly and cautiously.

I believe in accepting apologies and starting over. That's just me.

I guarantee mine will never, ever ,ever, apologize. never never never.

If my skids acted like that as adults and apologized for it later, I'd accept it but would not forge any relationship with them at all. I'd have no problem saying, "DH, go see the skids and have a nice time. I'd like to take a rest." That's it.

I really have to wonder how these adult SDs would like it if Dad made it known that they could come over/hang out but not bring their BFs, SOs or DHs. I wonder how exactly they'd react.

Been there, done that. Don't have any desire to get kicked in the teeth again, so until it's PROVEN instead of just said, no - I'm not willing to make amends.

SD is a narcissist, and has informed me it's all me so I doubt I would ever get an apology out of her. I've disengaged from her twice. The first time she returned to my home without apologies but DH assured me she her attitude would be better. She was nice for a very short period of time before escalating her mean, entitled, sadistic behavior to worse than before disengagement. One thing has turned out to be very fortunate for me is that because she is a narcissist she will never lower herself to apologize, nor will she accept even patial responsibility for our breakdown in communications - so odds are she will never darken my doorstep again.

SD's have never really done anything to me to apologize for.

On the other side of it, my dad's wife has apologized for how she treated me and my sisters in the past. But years before she even said the words, she put it into ACTION. By the time she actually apologized, I already knew she was sorry.

People can change. It might have been just that she matured, or when she had my brothers she realized some things, or it could have been something else. Who knows why she changed, I am just glad she did.

It takes more than words. In fact, the words are the least important part.

Thanks, Iluvmykids...your comment got me thinking... "after years of saying theyre my kids.blah blah blah. i used to ask him when would it not be alright .do they have to stab me, shoot me????"
I wonder what my DHs threshold is? What would SD have to do to me in order for him to finally admit what's going on and take some action to remedy it? Stab me? Shoot me? Anything less is just excused. I may ask DH this question one day.

I will accept anyone's apology.

But accepting an apology does not mean that I reserve a place for that person in my life.

I have many, many friends and relatives. There are not enough hours in the day to see or even talk to each one even once a week. I would be on the phone for hours and hours.

So people get prioritized. Some people that I consider dear friends I might not talk to but every six months.

My SD 36 gave a half hearted apology during our last and only phone conversation 2 years ago for one incident that had happened years earlier The other incident and expressions of hatred and jealousy directed at me and my bios were not addressed If SD had then acted as if she was sorry i may have opened the door for further exposure to her for myself and my children but she did the exact opposite

SDs apology was made during the same conversation where she called me names and criticized me for basically just existing. sD had called to demand her rights to my children because she was blood. I informed her that she had no rights to my children and that she needed to first work on her relationship with her father before she even thought about being around my children again SD gave many many reasons why she couldn't work on her relationship with her dad. None of them made sense - she couldn't call or drop by to see him at his office which was right down the street from her mothers home -where she was most days- because she didn't do drivebys, she couldn't meet him for coffee alone because he would be two separate people if she saw him alone. I quess this meant that she was not going to be happy until she forced her way back into my home so that she could resume a relationship with my bios and my husband at the same time she openly expressed her hatred of me in my own home.

In fact instead of working on her relationship with her father who she proclaimed to be a wonderful man only tainted by me - the devil, SD immediately launched an effort to contact my bios behind my back- through friends of friends on Facebook, texts, or by pretending to have someone else call them and then getting on the phone in a bait and switch effort. SD did this knowing that in doing so it would start an all out war with me.

Since SD immediately after our conversation entered into what amounted to open war with me by trying to contact and use my minor bios I never had to question the sincerity of her apology. It's obvious that she was not sincere. Im glad i didnt have time to consider it because i may have given her another chance. However, SD and SS both showed me who they really were and I do not foresee any further chances being given.

There is no reasoning with crazy and since SD told me that she didn't like me because I was controlling and the only example she could give was that her father made her tell me goodbye after her eowe visits to my home when she was a child, I think she ,BM , and SSs behavior all qualify as crazy!!!

I'd let them in again but I'd never really believe it was real.

Meh, SD27 and I went through the whole apology thing in 2009. Things were sort of OK until a couple of years ago. I'm done, and closed the door to any future ridiculousness.

My skids hate me, then like me, then hate me again, my SD29 was a nightmare child, she was always into the wrong crowd, in later teens and early 20’s she would lie about me, she even told her work mates I used to beat her just so she could get attention from them. SS26 isn’t much better he is just a manipulative person like his BFather. DW takes their side every time.  Stupid thing is I love them all, all I ever wanted was a son and daughter and took them on as my own….

I was put in an apology situation with my wife's youngest son earlier this year.  This guy has been horrible to me for almost as long as I've known him.  He has been on a downward spiral for the last 4 years or so.  He dropped out of high school, left to live with his dad, was in a boarding home and foster care after things fell apart with his dad, and started taking drugs.  He has been so ruthless to me that I don't have a thing to do with him anymore.  I'm not really even sure where he is.  Growing up, he was able to get his way with his mom with rage and abuse.  When I entered the picture, that crap stopped in a hurry.  The details of that can be found elsewhere on this site.  He turns 20 in a few months.

Things between me and this guy have been hard to put it mildly.  Earlier this year, he signed himself into some kind of inpatient program.  I don't really know the details of it.  He announced to my wife that he wanted to apologize to me.  The thing that bothered me about this was that he wanted to do it with an audience.  His counselor would be in the room, with my wife and me on the phone.  To me, it felt like a trap.  My belief then, and now, was that he was trying to use an apology to triangulate my wife against me again.  He's tried about every stunt he can think of to split us up.  It became pretty clear I was correct when my wife mentioned his request to me and the way it would happen.  I told her I wasn't interested in partaking in another turkey shoot with her kid, and that he can write me a letter if he wants to apologize.  She was upset that I wouldn't listen to what he had to say, but I didn't budge.  This guy is a master at manipulating his mom.  If he wants to apologize to me, there is absolutely no reason for her to be in the middle of that.  I told her again...if he wants to apologize to me, then he can do it in a letter.  This was about 6 months ago.  Guess what?  I've never seen such a letter from him.  Big surprise.  I think his so-called apology was entirely a stunt to try to drive another wedge between my wife and I, and to make me the bad guy for not giving him yet another chance to ransack our lives.  Not all apologies are sincere, especially from a deadbeat stepkid who wants something.

Nobody apologizes here, they would have to admit fault; fault easily seen in black and white.  I refuse to be around that sickness again as times flies and I want to be around people I enjoy being with in these precious moments.  Even if they did, I would never trust the apology for anything more than some other hidden agenda.

In fact, I would likely trust anybody more than these people....

I guess I have to say that I can't say I ever got an apology. It's been 4 yrs and SD never apologized for 0. SS acts like I'm a ghost. So, accept the apology and be yourself. I learned to not expect things from people . If you accept they cant say anything about you. I'd move forward and be done with them. You can smile and just be happy without expecting they'll change