Sounds like DH will be sending him back home. That’s great. Not your kid, not your problem. Be happy. Who cares if they think you won’t help with his kid. Why should you have to? Live your life and take care of yourself. SS has two parents. Let them take care of him. That’s too bad DH thought it was ok to be gone 12 hours a day and leave his kid with you. The kid doesn’t need to be there if he’s not watching his kid. Take care.

This is the saddest thing I've ever heard. I can't imagine. Looking after kids - including bio kids in intact families - sometimes is a chore. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that. And there's also nothing wrong with acknolwedging that kids sometimes need structured activities - especially across a whole summer. Of course he's bored. 

Your DH is failing you and he is failing his child. He is not acknowledging your grief. He's not acknowledging that of course your SS is probably grieving, too - in his own way - and that it's not healthy for him to be stuck all day in what must be a very sad house right now. 

Its not SS's fault that he is alive - and I don't pick this up in your post - but if his father sends him away that's the message. That kid needs to be in a camp. That kid needs a DAD who gives a shit about him. And you need space. This isn't necessarily even about the step situation - this would be true even if they were bio siblings of around that age. But add in the step situation and you look like the bad one - even though you're not - and that is stress you don't need. 

I'm angry on your behalf. 

You have a right to be a wreck right now. It's good that you're not. Everyone works in a different way. But you also have a right and a responsibility to ask for help. Write your DH a letter, say much of what you've said here, ask for counselling. Ask your in-laws for help, too. You also have a right to be angry about DH's attitude and demand some behavioural changes. 

You hubs is being a selfish prick, to put it mildly.

Asking for help with HIS KID made him have a mantrum? Seriously, oh sorry I brought something up besides your awesome new job. 

Expecting you to be the sole caretaker of his kid, that is the same age as the son you just lost... completely out of line. How can he be so completely oblivious to your pain?

HE is acting like he doesn't want his son! Yet trying to make you feel guilty because you are grieving the loss of a child, which is literally the worst thing that you can experience.

Your job right now is to take care of you. I'm so sorry for your loss and your DH being so selfish & insensitive. Anyone could see how taking care of a child would be a huge trigger for you.

SS is not your responsibility. Do not let DH guilt you into it. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. {{{{hugs}}}}

Visitation is for SS to spend time with his FATHER. Period. Dot.

What would your DH do if you worked or he was a single parent?? The reality is that he'd have to make other arrangements for SS.

He is being an insensitive jerk. I'm certain a therapist/counselor would tell him so (in professional terms).

Please do what you need to grieve and heal. 

I am so very sorry for your loss.

You are not an evil SM but your husband is an inconsiderate jerk. And really, that is putting it lightly. I would not be able to sleep next to him.

Maybe he should do his own "chores".

However not allowing yourself to visibly grieve is not giving anyone clues how you feel. Beinf\g strong and in control on the outside will eventually crack and fall apart and the welling up in your heart will be life shattering. Already you are not letting DH in to your grief. Yet you expect him to understand how numb you still are. 2 months is 2 months. 8 piddly little weeks. 1344 hours. About the same time as winter break for kids in school. 

Get a therapist who can help you deal and cope with your grief. Attend a support group. And tell DH face to face how numb you feel and how his son is a constant reminder of how your son. You don't blame SS for being alive beause that is not fair. However SS is not going to get the best of you this year and as his father DH needs to make other arrangments because if it was his son who died 8 weeks ago you would not be leaving your son with him all day and every day. ... DH has to work this one out for himself and you do not get the guilt trip added into your numbing grief. 

How old was your son? If he is/was an adult then maybe DH thinks differently about him. Just a thought. But please see a therapist to help yourself express your grief and a little sympathy and sharing your load will help. Much love (((())))

Hellokitty, you have to demand what you need. People should give it to you, but if they don't, you must just take it.

If your husband doesn't have the sense to give you what you need, take it. Chalk up your husband's apparent insensitivity to him dealing with his own grief, because he surely is grieving too and having his son there this summer might be comforting to him -- when he's not working.

But you know your limitations and you need to be firm about this.

Let BM keep SS this summer, as your husband "offered," or negotiate with your husband for SS to go to camp or the grandparents' house. Maybe if your husband has any vacation time, he can do something alone with SS. Promise your husband that SS can stay with you next summer (you can deal with that battle when the time comes if need be). But this summer, you get to do what you want when you want, no questions asked.

Hellokitty, you need to grieve properly so you can get on with your life when the time is right for you. You can't skip the grief. You need to grieve the last two years, not just the last two months, because you know it's been a long horrible journey without the ending that would have made it all worth it.

If your husband doesn't give in or cold shoulders you, you both need to get to therapy ASAP. Loss of a child often triggers divorce. A good therapist will set him straight on this in a heartbeat -- I promise there is no good therapist in the world who is going to castigate you and endorse his expectation.

It's important you and your husband keep it together right now for everyone's sake. Be respectful of his grief, but don't compromise your own.

I'm really sorry about your little child. I hope there's some comfort knowing he doesn't have to fight that battle anymore.

I am sorry for you. This is a horrible situation to be in, and it seems you've recognized that your DH is absolutely the problem. He is self absorbed when it comes to you and your loss, his own kid, anyhting other than his new job. You need to step back and figure out if you want to deal with all of this on top of grieving ove the loss your child. I would leave. What is losing some asshole who is just gaslighting you into nanny-ing his kid after losing a part of your soul when you lost your son? At least this is how I would feel.

Shame on your husband. You are 100% right! I could not imagine and I am so sorry for your loss. However, I am proud of you and I don't even know you but good for you trying to hold it together and not let it break you cause I would be a mess!! 

Your husband's response made me boil. Like I wanna send him a message saying "FU, this is your WIFE, who just had the worst thing imaginable happen to her and you are gonna text her that BS!" - Not cool. I do apologize. It does suck seeing as it is not your SS fault that he doesn't have his belongings, shame on biomom. Obviously, you can't let the poor child be without. BUT...like other people have said...looks like he is going back to mama's house. Two months is NOTHING. I am sure the last thing you want to do is argue with your husband but way for him to show his true colors! How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot? *scratch_one-s_head*

I can't even imagine how you must be feeling and my heart goes out to you. I don't blame you one ounce for not wanting to take care of SS full time like that, hell I probably wouldn't even want to hear my skids name. 

But I say ignore DHs snippy reply and let him send SS back to his moms - this is not your responsibility.  Your responsibility is to care for yourself and your Db which must be hard enough at the moment. 

Hopefully your DH wakes up to what an ass move that was. Maybe let him read these. 

My condolences on the loss of your child.  I do not have that experience myself but I watched my parents go through it when my baby brother passed when I was 8.

 You need some time to grieve.  Your SO needs to find some compassion rather than playing the guilt card to make you feel bad.

If he can’t do that.... please take care of you and find a compassionate equity life partner.

Hugs amiga! My heart goes out to you. Take time for yourself. Walk, pray do whatever you need to take care of you. Find a support group.  Sending your SS back in not a bad thing. Your husband needs to learn compassion. 

Hugs!!! I am so sorry you're facing all this!!

I think the suggestion to get a part-time job is a good one. It'll help give you something to do I think, just make sure it's something enjoyable, or you could start volunteering places as well, like the animal shelter if you love animals, or something. Something that won't add stress and will hopefully give you some enjoyment and get you out of the house.

Keep us updated!

Yikes...

Sorry for all this, it's a difficult thing I hope to never face. Your comment:

Dh blew me off as usual

...tells me you're not so much having SKid problems as marital problems. If you feel like he blows you off a lot, that's not good. I'd recommend counseling to target that.