SD18 IS now pregnant
This past Sat, his 2 sisters and my 2 daughters and daughter's BF were at our house. We were eating when SD18 texted me to have SO call her. (He didn't have his phone on him). He started to get up and I said, why don't you finish your food first, so he did. I texted her back a few mins later and said he would call her shortly. She then called my phone right after. He talked to her in another room. When he came back, she had then texted both of us a picture of an emergency room discharge paper with her name on it. She went for abdominal pain and it said she was pregnant. She also sent a pic of 2 at home tests that showed positive. It was a "See I told you moment". She said the ones her aunt gave her had faint lines, but her "aunt ain't wanna recognize that". I texted back that I saw all 3 tests her aunt gave her and there were NO faint lines - she wasn't pregnant then.
SO has spoken to her since. She wanted to be sure she was still on his health insurance, so she's being nice for now. He told her that she is paying all of her own co-pays for ofc visits and prescriptions. He also told her that he will help her out when and if he chooses and that since she chose this for herself, to not try to blame him when things don't go her way. These were all his words - none from me. He is so disgusted with her behavior right now.
SD told him she still intends to come to our wedding. I still intend to take SD16 shopping for dress next month but will not include SD18 - she wants to adult, so be it. She hasn't asked us yet if the bum of a bf can come - our answer will be NO when she does ask.
Lastly, I told my SO what my concerns were. He says he feels no connection to this baby right now but we both recognize that once the baby gets here, things will change. He or she will be his blood after all. I'm good with that. My concerns are that he and I are starting our lives together and I just don't want her poor choices coming between us. For instance - she'll have this baby in Feb when its freezing here. Neither she nor bf have licenses or cars. She'll have to get around by bus. I know she'll be calling SO for rides to the store, to the baby's doctor, etc. My answer will be a resounding NO if its an inconvenience in any way. Hope he does that too. We're older - done having kids. We want to travel together, even if its local trips and enjoy each other without the stress. He agrees. I pray this doesn't throw a wrench in our happily ever after.
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He may still not feel a
He may still not feel a connection. BM had her baby. Her dad and SM have ZERO desire to have ocntact with the baby. They flat out said today that if the drug tests are done and come back positive, they're not taking it, it needs to go somewhere else. (A lot of that is because if they did take it to keep it out of the system, BM would blame them for taking her baby... *eye roll*)
It may be blood, but BM burned a lot of bridges. The situation may end up being more like that. And you should stick to your guns as well, if not you may end up helping raise SD18's baby.
The thought of helping to
The thought of helping to raise that baby is pukable!*bad*
That very reason is exactly
That very reason is exactly why I already told DH that we're NEVER taking BM's baby. Did I think he would? No.... But just to be sure... LMAO
Make sure your DH knows!!! Setting the boundary early can be a life-saver later if it does become an issue!
Please have her check to see
Please have her check to see if she is elligible for "FAMIS" or a similar program where you live. My OSD used that when she was pregnant and it pretty much paid for anything not covered by our insurance..at least that's what we understood. She was 22 at the time but still on my plan.. now on her DH's plan:)
If she does go to the wedding
If she does go to the wedding, do you think she'll consider her baby daddy as an automatic +1? That is the first thing that came to mind. Also, you will have NO hand in helping her raise this child. She is an adult and will have to figure it out all on her own like a big girl. Who paid her ER copay, btw?
Good question
I have no idea. It will probably be billed. I told SO he needs to find out who her OB-GYN is so he can let them know that they need to get their co-pays from her and not bill him.
We'll make sure she knows that her bf is not invited. Maybe she'll decide not to come in that case.
Can copays be billed? I
Can copays be billed? I always assumed you couldn't receive the service if they weren't paid.. If she was a responsible adult, and that's a big IF, she'd change the billing address to wherever she receives mail so that her father would never billed for excessive charges. Sheesh.
Everytime I go to any doctor,
Everytime I go to any doctor, signs are all over that says payment is expected at time of service. So, I hope that's the case. But I want SO to let her doctor's office know just to be 100% clear - they are to get the co-pay from her.
Do you feel you have a need
Do you feel you have a need to keep in contact with her? Would you be more comfortable if you just blocked her from your phone. That could prevent a whole lot of begging from her.
I don't feel the need to
I don't feel the need to reach out to her at all. She is his daughter though and of course, loves her and all his kids. He's so awesome to my kids so I want to leave the possibility open that somehow she'll get her act together one day
Tiger been there done that.
Tiger been there done that. Get ready because she will use this baby over and over to get what she wants. Good Luck!
Your SO seems to be level headed after hearing the blessed news. I hope he stays that way.
In my case my DH went on a emotional binge. How could such a thing happen to his little snowflake. She is so pure, HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. OMG it was awful and still is.
She can't use the baby
She can't use the baby against me cause it won't work - not my flesh and blood. I know once baby arrives, he's going to melt and that's ok. He should have a great relationship with his grandbaby. I just don't want her selfish and manipulative ways coming between us.
Do you feel you have a need
duplicate post
Girl!
Sending hugs your way Tiger... sounds like you and SO handled it well. Hope you still enjoy your wedding and all the goodness that follows. Isn't it just like a skid to throw a wrench into your plans?
"aunt ain't wanna recognize that"
*Gigglesnorty*
You guys
are in NY...is DH still paying CS for preggers SD18?
You are living my possible
You are living my possible nightmare with my own SD17...I just can't even imagine. DH & I are also at that lets travel & enjoy life. Just bought a camper early this year and have made several reservations already to go places...This is my fear, we're finally at a place financially to do things & our kids are old enough to not be by our side every second..and SD17 is going to muck it up.
Hope it goes better for you
Stick to your guns is all I can say, I wish I had been less accomadating and more rigid.