Remove myself from the situation.
New here. Wanted to get everyones thoughts and possibly their experiences with what I hope to do. Long story short (or not so short lol), I have a husband with two children and I have two children, only one by him. I've only actually been a "step mom" for two years but known him much longer. These past two years have been such a nightmare I just can't do it any longer. I love my husband very much but I hate his kids and I honestly hate him too when he's around them. I used to try to hide my hatred. Tried to like them. All in vain. It's gotten to the point where me and his son (13 yo) openly say how much we hate each other and wish the other never existed and his other child won't even speak to me at all. Not that I mind, it's actually a relief bc I'd prefer if they never spoke to me. The older son admits his mother convinced them both to hate me and my children and also to do everything possible to ruin my life. It's worked. I dread every single moment I have to see them to the point I've sought out a therapist and meds. None of that even worked. I wish I could take a pill to make myself even like them a little but it's gone too far, too much has transpired and there is no going back. Now I just tell my husband how I feel, that I really would be happy if I never saw his children again. That I would divorce him if they came over more than they already do now and that I certainly will be gone if he gets custody. That there will never be family vacations with all of us bc I'd rather be cained than be with his children even one more hour than I'm forced to now. Basically all the dreams he had about us being a blended family, I just crushed them. My goal is now trying to find a way where I don't have to see them. I've even bluntly told him that recently and that I will be leaving my home with my kids when his kids come. He still wants to stay married! This cannot be normal! I completely was prepared and willing for divorce, that is seriously how much I despise them. I honestly don't know what else I could have said to get my point across that I'm unhappy because I sunk pretty low at that moment. Says he understands bc he knows they are a freaking nightmare to be around. He's even said a couple times he wishes they didn't come to our home. When he leaves to go get them, he always says, "get ready for the bastards" meaning lock up all my valuables. I worry they will break all mine and my kids things when we are gone bc they already do it when we are here bc his golden children run the home and I'm not allowed to use physical discipline like I do my own children. I think at that point I may snap and just leave him altogether. I never in my life thought that divorce may bring me relief but I'm starting to feel that way 
Starting to not even care about losing the love of my life just to never see them again. Does anyone else leave the home when their stepkids come over? I feel horrible but at this point it's my sanity I'm worried about.
Husband
Must do, or go someplace with his kids. He is allowing his kids to disrespect you. It His doing or lack of doing that caused this problem. He must fix it. Tell DH that his kids can not come into your home now. He can do what ever he wants with them on visitation day. Just not in your home. When they change. Maybe they can come back
Wow, you don't pull any
Wow, you don't pull any punches, do you? welcome to Steptalk. I had the same problem as you, ie the BM alienated her children from me, convinced them to hate me. When that happens there is no way you can fight against it, so I did what you are doing, ie go out when they come, disengage when they are here. We used to lock our booze in the cellar because one of the SDs would steal it. They were aged 5 and 7 when we got together, now they are 21 and 23, things are a lot better because the EOW visits have stopped. DH now seems them every few weeks, outside our home, takes them for lunch or something.
Isn't there anything you can do about "his golden children running the home"? It's your home too, you should have some say, your DH needs to step up and enforce some rules. If he's anything like my DH was, he was scared to do this because he thought they'd stop coming, so I got thrown under the bus instead. He realises now that this was wrong.
Hold on...
Hold on...
Your DH calls his own children names? And he allows you to yell TO them how much YOU hate them?
But you both expect respect from them?
Believe me I get PAS'd skids. But what I would never stand for is verbal abuse towards children.
I have no advise. Its a sad situation for all involved and I honestly feel that everyone involved should go their own way.
Surrender parental rights?
If DH will surrender all parental rights to his children, it might be the best thing for his children.
OP and DH will never have to see or pay for his children ever again. It might be a good solution for everyone involved.
Your situation is why I don't
Your situation is why I don't worry about respect. I worry about compliance. Rather than scream hatred for each other back and forth (keeping in mind that you are the adult in this discussion) don't worry about respect. Worry about compliance to behavioral standards that you set in your home.
Kids do what they are told when they are told to do it or they suffer increasingly unpleasant age approriate consequennces for those choices. Take away all access to electronics. They can read. Don't give them a choice of participating or not. They participate and they do it in a way that does not detract from the experience for everyone else.... or .. .they suffer.
And your DH needs to regrow his balls to actually start parenting his prior relationship toxic spawn.
You are the one that needs to break the chain of toxicity in this situation... not only for your own benefit but for the benefit of your own children, your marriage, your DH .... yes.... even for the Skids.
Set the standards, manage compliance. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Good luck.
I feel ya
I have an 18yo SD. She isn't half as bad as you're describing your stepkids. We just have such a strained relationship that I do try to find something else to do with my 8yo bio son, my friends, family and/or work, whenever she is scheduled for a visit. I know it's not the most adult decision, but it's the best I can manage after 10 years of hell.
Good luck. Hopefully they will go off to college one day. Mine is