Some people are really good at putting on a fake face and hiding who they really are. They frequently go into politics. I saw it in the corporate world during my career also.  

You'll drive yourself crazy wondering why others don't see someone the way you do. Other people don't have the time and experience to know these people as we do.  My OSD is cut from this same cloth.  It amazes me she has any friends at all knowing how she really is. When you first meet her she comes across and so charming and agreeable.

I don't believe people who put on a fake face or a show are really happy because they are not authentic.  These people know how to be nice to others; they frequently choose not to do it.

Hi 2Tired!  Our modern society is full of people who are so self centered, so self absorbed, egotistical “all about me” narcissists, and they seem so very skilled and capable at putting on the charm.  They know how to manipulate an entire room with their presence, and suck people right in.  It’s amazing.  I remember back in school (all those years ago, lol) there were the few popular girls everyone seems to fawn all over to become friends with, or sit with at lunch, or want to be like or follow their every move.  In most of those cases, I recall these girls were not nice people at all, were stuck up, self centered, and didn’t give others much, if any,  thought.  What draws people to that is mystifying to me as well.  I think it’s a sad reflection of what many people in our society choose to  admire and look up too.  There is also the narcissists uncanny ability to project a fake facade so others don’t see the real them.  It’s frustrating when we see them for what they really are!!  And that ain’t to pretty. 

My SD could be very charming with people she did not know well.  But eventually, and it might take a couple of years, she would reveal her 'real' self.  Her 'new' co-workers or friends would think she was the best thing since bread.  Then, little by little her friends or her co-workers became irritating to her and her bosses didn't show appreciation for her work.  Her friends develop flaws.  So she is 'let go' or quits her job, and she winds up with another ex-friend. 

One of her ex-friends told me that SD had spoken badly about me.  The friend seemed amazed that I wasn't surprised and didn't react to it at all.  We belonged to a group when we lived in another state.  When they met SD they were impressed but after a few events some of them were commenting on SD's negative attitude.

I have been around narcissistic individuals, both family and 'frienemies' who are quite charming.  They may have devoted friends or coworkers but it is not often long term.  They never seem to be able to give their true hearts to other people.  Eventually people see a superficial relationship rather than a real one.  My own Mother is like this.  She is in her early 90's and says she doesn't need friends - she's satisfied with her own company.  But she wants a big funeral.

Today I spoke to a friend who had only just found out that the X and I split up. She said she was stunned (like many others have been) and it is hard to explain to others how difficult things had become.

She remarked that she had last seen him at my birthday party last year when he had been his usual charming, attentive self. When I told her that things had already become difficult by then she said,' Well he was very good at hiding it.' One of the very few things he was good at, it would seem. Well now both he and XOSD have lost their audience. I'm sure they are finding each other very entertaining-  not!

My SD also can be very charming and knows how to work a room of people. I believe is is called Overt Narcissism. They have 2 different personalities. They are very good at keeping their self love hidden in public. 

Sandye21, as you know I am dealing with a narcissistic SS that is infectious to the rest of his family. Thankfully the disengagement got easier since I am now disengaged fro the whole lot of them. I think partially disengaging is much more difficult. 

But I wanted to tell you the Narcissist’s Prayer cracked me up. Anyone dealing with this type of person can see them going through those exact steps and saying those things if they were ever fully called out on their rude behavior. Thanks for sharing and making me literally laugh out loud. 

I think Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde explains a lot of people's attitude towards SMs, with many riding with Mr. Hyde virtually non-stop.

Every day I think maybe in the three years since I started blogging here there was been some progress, and then bingo! I see something in the paper or net or TV that makes me realize what a long way we have to go.

I was watching an episode of Evil Stepmothers on ID Discovery.  Usually, the SMs here are the rare, truly evil SMs and you can see that from the get-go.  But, the case the other night was a little different.  About the first ½ of it consisted of DH’s relatives going on and on about what a !#@$! be.atch SM was from the beginning, because she wasn’t the World’s Most Perfect Mother to her slightly disabled adult SS.

Almost all of these negatives about SM were coming directly from adult SS, whom, of course, had no vested interest at all in showing SM in the worst possible light so he could have dad all to himself, like the good ol’ days.  Little proof was given other than the SS’s words, including him accusing SM of reading pornographic material to him in his face (he just didn’t want to tell his dad!), and yet clearly the audience was supposed to believe SS 100%, with no proof just words, and believe SM 0%.

Then, to boot, very few of DH’s relatives, tho. invited agreed to attend SM’s and DH’s wedding.  THEN, after DH and SM married, DH’s relatives whined and complained about how cold SM was and how they never got much from her.  Yada, yada, yada.  Same ol’.  Yet, again, the viewer audience was supposed to buy into this hook, line and sinker without even a thought as to: “Wait a second!? If you treated SM like trailer trash, going so far as to flip off her and DH's wedding, then maybe you should expect at least a cold-shoulder in return?”

The coup de grâce was when older SD claimed that her dad took her aside at one point and told her “secretly” that he only ever loved one woman, and that was BM, but dad was sticking it out with SM because he needed someone to take care of ‘em.  Ha!  Don’t know if that was true or not, but if SM found that out, and I’m sure someone in that family made sure that she did, she probably did really shoot him. 

Yet again, it was all sweet innocent dad and sweet innocent adult children and other relatives, and how SM was just plain evil and sloppy seconds.  Ahhh, we’ve got a long way to go, folks, unfortunately.