Much love as you recover from that jerk. It must be really jarring to have those moments. You’re going to keep getting better. Just be easy with yourself and celebrate the small victories. 

Girlfriend. I promise it gets better. I still worry about pissing the loon off but it I am 4 years out and worry less and less.

you are traumatized, paint.  Totally normal after what you've been through.  A visit with the crisis counselor sounds like a good idea.

Reach out if you need me, you know where to find me xoxoxoxo

At least read about PTSD -- that might be enough for you to realize your reaction is normal after years of that abuse. It might help calm you and help you talk yourself down to accepting your new reality: there's no one to harm you.

I experienced PTSD after three burglaries, and also after seeing my dog mauled to death by a pit bull some years ago. Moving to a boring suburb where nothing happens helped after those burglaries. But almost 10 years later, when I take my new dog to a dog park and hear dogs fighting, I still freak out and get teary. But knowing what's going on in my head and why it's happening helps me take down the panic very quickly.

You are bigger than this. You've come this far and made it out alive. Now you're recovering. It takes time, but it does get better. And you are a stronger person for what you've been through -- remember that. Sending you good thoughts!

Definitely reach back out to the counselor!

It took 3 years post-divorce for me to not cry or freak out when I would or DH would do certain things. I broke down crying in the kitchen once because DH turned and had a knife pointing at me while putting away dishes (he was turning to put the knife away in the direction I was standing; he wasn't purposefully pointing it AT me). XH used to antagonize me with knives, pointing them at me, pretending he was going to stab me, until I would curl up into a ball crying on the floor, at which point he would laugh. DH felt awful, but he truly didn't do anything wrong. Just a flashback.

I cried during sex multiple times, or would say horrible things about my body that would bring DH almost to tears (or rage at XH). I can't describe just how self-conscious XH made me feel, and that has carried over for a long time. Food has been an especially powerful self-conscious trigger, and there were times when I wouldn't eat in front of others because I was afraid they woukd ridicule me for what and the amount I ate. I have never heard a word from anyone (except the occasional friend who says "finally, someone who will eat as much sushi as I will"), but I still get VERY nervous eating around new people.

Seriously, talk to the counselor. No one could convince me what I went through was abuse, so I never went. I always thought it was just a bad marriage and everyone experienced my feelings. That's not true. No one should be afraid of spilling water, or eating an extra slice of pizza. It has taken me a few years to not let it eat me alive; don't let the same thing happen to you.

*hugs* You will make it through this stronger than before.

It was about two years after I left my abusive ex that I stopped flinching at everything and the nightmares finally quit.

I relate to this so much.  I am still on guard way more often than not. I actually have flashbacks of things my ex used to say to me. I have days where my self esteem is in the gutter, just because I remember something from 5 years ago.  It takes time, therapy, and trying your damn hardest to replace fear and negativtiy with bravery and positivity.