When you realize you were wrong
Disclaimer: I don’t for one minute think this is the norm. I realize there are many awful skids out there, who deserve all the vents and rants about them.
I saw my ex MSS last weekend. He just graduated from high school. SS brought Mr Toddler to the airport for me since exH couldn’t be bothered to keep our son for 4 nights in a row. It’s tough, you know. . .
Anyway, he and I chatted for about 30 minutes. SS is polite and well-mannered. It was evident in the way he talked to me. And I knew what I had been keeping buried all these years.
It wasn’t the skids I had problems with. It was my abusive ex. I am heart broken to admit that I used to disengage and ignore the skids. I never disciplined them or was mean to them but I would spend as much time away on their weekends as I could. They’d ask me for help and I would help them but I never tried to have a relationship with them.
Ex was so abusive and angry when they would come around and I couldn’t act like an adult and suck it up. Instead I would leave for the weekend.
I would rant about their behavior because I thought, if only they were better kids, my ex wouldn’t be so angry.
And now I just have sorrow for my role in all this.
I wish I could apologize to them. But I don’t want to cause trouble. As a SM, I carry some fault in this and am ashamed that I didn’t try to make things easier. . .
But before you think I’ve gone completely Pollyanna, I still think BM1 and BM2 are absolute ditch pigs. I don’t find their behaviors to be justified - what I dealt with, LOL!
Much love to you all who struggle with the steplife. It’s rarely easy to navigate.
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Comments
Honest Self-Reflection
Great post. Good insights.
Glad you got to have that convo & realization.
Same here. My husband is a
Same here. My husband is a shitty parent and BM is worse. Thats why I resent the skids. It's not the skids, its DHs shitty parenting that makes me cringe. Dont get me wrong i hide in my room and leave as much as possible because I cant stand the sight and sound of them but its all DHs doing
I have come to the same
I have come to the same realization now my skids are all over 18. I was always in a bad mood when I had to help out with them. My resentment was that DSO saddle me with full time kids after mine had adulted. He never took the lead and acted like a child that couldn't make a decision to save his life where his kids were concerned but would throw me under the bus in a flash. I was the one that didn't just woman up and tell him to find his own place to live with his out of control kids and we would move forward slowly. We survived though.
SD wasn't a bad kid but she got my of my resentment, as she stayed with us for 7 years. She had her own issues but she was basically a good kid when with us. She is the only one to actually keep jobs, want to go to a tech center to learn a trade and will do nice things for DSO, and me also (she got me some nail polish and remover and candle for Mothers Day, not a lot monetaryily but she thought of me).
That is my one mistake and I'm glad I didn't show all my frustration to her so we can continue as friends in the future.
The fact that you came to
The fact that you came to that realization says a lot about your growth. I think if you ever have the opportunity and feel comfortable that it wouldn't hurt for you to tell them that you're sorry for the part you played (or lack of), you have learned from that experience, and always wish them well.
Human
We're all human, we all make mistakes, and we're all going to get to the other side of this and see some things we could've done better. It's life.
And they probably were awful, at least at times. They may have matured into better versions of themselves. Don't we all hope to? Take it easy on yourself. You weren't as bad as you think, or he'd be more messed up. He may even think of you as the one bright spot in his roster of parents.
BTW, I'm going to use "ditch pig." That's awesome.