Just venting about holidays...
I've been with SO for nearly 8 years, apart from 2 long weekends we've always taken SD15 away with us, not my choice, this is due to SO feeling guilty if he doesn't include her which is for a totally different post!.
We've just returned from a break during which SD told us that her BM & partner are going on holiday without her again, I've heard all this before but this time it came with an excuse...BM booked the holiday but didn't realise it wasn't during the school holidays! Such an absolute load of rubbish, if she'd booked it by mistake thinking it was a school holiday it would be booked for 3 people not 2 and my SD's school releases all holiday dates a year in advance. I realise from SD's point of view she could be hurt by being left out by BM again so made up the excuse or that this is actually what BM has told her but either way it irritates the hell out of me that BM always plays mother extraordinaire but doesn't seem to want to spend much free time with SD.
Vent over 
Sounds like BM is playing
Sounds like BM is playing games and had absolutely no intention of taking SD on holiday.
Hard to know but I would wager that BM has probably told SD this bullplop so she still comes out looking like the good guy e.g. "Oh sweetheart, I wanted to take you with us, I really did, but I accidentally booked it when you weren't on school holidays".
We are in a similar situation - BM spends stuff all time with SD but is happy to paint herself as mother of the year at every opportunity.
Haha....
Haha....
I've just laughed at your suggestion of what was said, it's exactly how BM would say it & pretty much word for word of how SD told us. I didn't have the heart to point out if BM booked it when she thought it was the holidays then it would be a booking for 3 so she must be peeved with the loss of money seeing as SD can't go.
SO & I know it would never have been anything other than a holiday for two but we sit and listen to the lame excuse biting our tongues and trying not to allow our eyes to roll into the back of our heads!
Then it is time to share. Your "heart" be damned!!!
" I didn't have the heart to point out if BM booked it when she thought it was the holidays then it would be a booking for 3 so she must be peeved with the loss of money seeing as SD can't go. "
Time to step up the plate and drive the Skid to learn the facts rather than just drinking the KoolAid.
I didn't have the heart to
I didn't have the heart to mention it to SD as I have done before over different things, it really isn't worth the fall out, the fall out that heads straight my way from all directions. I just wait for the occassion when SD wakes up to one of her BMs lies but I really think that even then she'll just make excuses for her.
Very frustrating for you and
Very frustrating for you and your SO. If you point it out and say "BM never intended on taking you" then you're the bad guy as far as SD is concerned.
We've been in similar situations ourselves over the last 5 years and on several occassions I have called out BM on her rubbish stories and SD has her head firmly buried in the sand and doesn't want to acknowledge the inconsistencies in BMs stories (and trust me BM has told some whoppers!). I get annoyed because I think "C'mon, I know that you are 12 years old and want to believe everything BM tells you but some of these stories must start ringing alarm bells". But no, that never seems to happen *sigh*
Do you and SO look after SD when BM and partner goes on holidays RST?
When I disengaged I realised
When I disengaged I realised I've always been the bad guy & always will be so I'm not under any illusions there. I feel sorry for SD (sometimes), at 15 she probably realises her BM is lying to her but just defends her regardless and always will.
In the past we have looked after SD when they've gone away which has made for a very jarring time, this time BM left it to SD to let us know about her holiday, and we kept quiet, no offer of childcare so SD is staying with a friend.
It doesn't pay to be honest.
It doesn't pay to be honest. SD knows we don't take her on vacay because she's an azzhole, but BM is MOTY because lies about why she doesn't take her anywhere.
Dupe
Dupe
This situation is sad because
This situation is sad because there's actually nothing wrong with going on an adult-only holiday (the OP should be able to as well).
The lying about it creates a sense of entitlement for the SD, as if she should always be going away with her parents. Heck no, time away as a couple is very important and kids should be taught to respect that.
But some children are taught to believe the world revolves around them.
Absolutely!
It took me a number of years to massage DW into not wasting our kid free couple time during SS's SpermLand visitations. (5wks summer, 1wk spring, 1wk winter). Initially she felt guilty about him missing out on vacations, extended Rags' clan family trips, etc.... I finally got the message through by telling her that I was going to do things whether she accompanied me or not and if we did something that we felt would be a good experience for SS we could do it again when he was with us. So that is what we did for the last 10-ish years we lived under his Custody/Visitation/Support CO. We did repeat a few things over the years when SS was with us. It worked for us.
Some of the issue has been
Some of the issue has been guilt on my SO's part if he were to leave his DD behind so we could go away together plus feeling bad when her BM doesn't take her away so he has most definitely set the ball rolling, after all these years he realises it now too. He knows after the last trip we're taking in August I won't be going away as a 3 again, it's our time to relax properly when we're not working.
Part of why I feel for SD is that she is made to feel the world revolves around her until her BM books a holiday and lies to her, if she realises she must feel like she's being dropped from a great height. It's the lying that irritates me the most followed by the excuses.