Kids and Court Proceedings
How much are they supposed to know? Should they know that they have a "voice" at 14? Or should they just go with the status quo until 18?
SD said that BM "threatened" to take 50/50 away and when SD asks when she gets to see DH, BM ignores her and leaves the room. BM told DH that SD and her toddler do not get along and that SD "pushes" him. When asked, SD says that the kid hits her and is not discipled for it, but when she pushes him off, BM scolds her for defending herself.
It crushes BM that SD likes being over here but I'm sure she likes having the break also. I'm sure if DH goes back to court pro se, he will be demeaned and BM will be granted everything she wants as per usual. Thoughts? Thanks in advance!
ETA: SD says that BM and SF told her that if she doesn't pick a physical sport, they will pick one for her. SD has never been physically active and has no desire to be. She starts Improv this Wednesday which DH will take her to, and talks to her counselor every other Thursday. She says that is all she's willing to do and I'm ok with that, however, I am not her parent. Is this worth a legal battle?
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Comments
Dunno the specifics here here
Dunno the specifics here here but in general, everything is at the juge's "discretion" aka whim. Each juge has his/her own opinions on how much a kid's feelings matter. IMO, a kid should never be given much power.
You know your SD is
You know your SD is manipulative, yet you listen to her like her word is gospel.
When does she ask to go to her dad's house? Is it when she is in trouble or doesn't get her way? If so, BM does need to ignore her. Your DH makes living with him look like a sweet deal - eating out all the time, weekends with friends, etc. You make it seem great, too, because you treat her to new clothes, mani/pedis with her friends, and you'll help her gang up on her BM because you don't like her.
You have also admitted that SD is lazy and doesn't want to do anything except play on electronics. Being in a sport, or some other physical activity, would be good for her. It would teach her teamwork (which from previous posts sounds like something she lacks), gets her some exercise (and given all the junk you claim she eats, that's necessary), and she experiences something new.
The sibling fights sound fairly normal, and BM's reaction to blame the older sibling sounds pretty normal, too. I'm not saying it's right, but it's the response I think most parents have when their bio kids pick on each other. The oldest just gets in trouble. SD needs to handle it with BM.
Point is, I think 50/50 would be great, but not as punishment to BM or reward for SD. Every kid deserves equal time with their parents. Your DH proved over Spring Break that he isn't prepared to be a full-time parent. He proved That he will be a Disney Dad with his princess, and SD is eating it up. She's going to keep telling you how awful BM's house is if she thinks it's going to get her more time in Disney Land.
I am not saying that BM can't be a pain, either. I'm not saying she hasn't been, or can't be, a snake. But you two don't back her up when SD is being disrespectful to and about her, which makes her job more difficult and primes SD to play you off each other. You're playing right into SD's hand while BM seemingly is trying to raise SD in a way she sees fit in her household.
Seriously, start supporting BM when SD is disrespectful and stop being Disney Land, and see if SD still begs to live with you. My guess will be no.
All of this, and it has been
All of this, and it has been said to this OP many, many times.
The bottom line is..
SD does have a problem with authority. Last night, I did tell her that she needs to pick some kind of sport. She said she wanted to do swimming, but apparently SF shot that down. Ok, so the one thing she's willing to do is a no-go?
I guess SD didn't have her things ready when DH was there to pick her up. BM asks SF if he got SD's bag and SF motions to get SD's things. DH told SF "No, do NOT get her things for her. SD, get everything you need for the week, if you forget something, it is your fault." SD packed her bag and DH questioned if she had everything. The answer was yes and they left. DH told BM that SD does her own laundry here, loads her dirty dishes into the dish washer, and keeps her living spaces clean including her bathroom and bedroom. She knows to take out the trash and keep junk from accumulating. SD is NOT allowed to argue with DH. If she argues with me, DH is immediately summoned to put her in her place.
I have never taken SD for a mani/ pedi. I intended to, finances didn't allow, so I paint her nails at home or she can do it with her friends. I don't understand how allowing sleepovers is Disney parenting? I had sleepovers AT LEAST every other weekend at that age and I think it's great for her to have that human interaction. Also, the 2 pairs of jeans were necessary because her ones with holes are tight and starting to high-water. SD brought her uniforms for the week, but DH and I are taking her shopping today since it only makes sense for SD to have uniforms for our home since she will be here half of the time and we don't need to depend on BM's home to provide that.
DH predicted this would happen. BM and SF are horrible parents but we can only coach SD to behave and NOT argue every single second at their house. DH has big plans to reform SD on his time and she will have no choice but to conform to the status quo.
I guarantee that if DH had 50/50 from the start almost 5 years ago, SD would be a completely different kid. On the physical activities, BM and SF only want her in one because she's getting chunky. If they'd have been proactive 5 years ago and not always to try to stick it to DH, it would never be an issue.