I'm thinking of renting a sky-writer to spell out, "I'm sorry I didn't Facebook Friend you" in the clouds above SIL/BIL's house, along with sending SIL a huge bouquet of flowers complete with an overly-sappy apologetic greeting card. Inside the card I want to include the contact information to a therapist who specializes in PTSD with a note informing her that I am willing to pay for her first visit - you know, since I am clearly responsible for causing her so much pain and trauma.

The in-laws don't think that will be helpful, but I sure had Uncle Jim pissing his pants with laughter.

Here's the scoop, I know it's long, but hell - if you're looking for a good laugh you'll get through it:

So back in April my Facebook account was taken to the new "Timeline" format. When this happened I was really disheartened to see that stuff that I thought I'd deleted along the way popped back up again. Also, I was pretty alarmed to see that articles that I'd read on other websites and my other online activities were now linked to my Facebook in ways that I never realized they would be.

You see, I try really hard to keep my Wall "clutter free." I don't post anything too personal. I do my best to keep everything very, very generic.

However, I wasn't always so discriminatory.

So I posted a 4-day notice that I would be deleting my account and starting a new one. I invited everyone to send a Friends Request to my new account name should they miss me.

I made a "screen shot" of my friends list, but didn't notice until after I closed my old account that only about 55 of 180+ of my Facebook Friends actually made it into the screen shot. Oh well, I'll be honest, I didn't really care. I took a minute to pick through those 55 to send out Friends Requests under my new account name. Only about 20 or so people made the cut. It was more cathartic than I care to admit to some people.

Anywho, this all went down at the same time that finals for my classes hit. I was taking 5 classes, plus my internship. One of the finals was a 24-page research paper. The others were in-class exams. Needless to say, I got busy for about 1.5 weeks. In that time period I never even went onto Facebook. I had better things to do.

About 3 days into my study session and mad researching, my FIL comes up to me and is stammering about something. I had no idea what he was trying to say. He eventually spit it out and it sounded something like this, "Your new Facebook account and SIL didn't get a Friends Request..." His face was so red he looked like a tomato ready to pop. I said, "Are you trying to say that I didn't send SIL a Friends Request on my new Facebook account?" All he could do was nod. Surprisingly, I was able to keep my eyes inside my skull - that's how big my eye roll was.

My in-laws aren't folk who are well-equiped to handle conflict. And my FIL looked like he was going to have a stroke by "confronting" me about such a hugely confrontational and emotionally charged matter.

Wow, just wow.

So I said, "I didn't realize because I've been busy studying. When I get back on Facebook, I'll send her a request."

I also had a few other choice words... because really? So I have to hear THIRD-HAND that SIL is "upset" that I didn't send her a Friends Request? REALLY? This woman has been nothing but a total b*tch to me since Day 1. Were we "friends" on my old account? Yes. HOWEVER, and this is huge in my opinion, she NEVER acknowledged me whenever I would comment on any of her posts, photos, etc. NEVER. She would acknowledge other people, but she NEVER acknowledged me. I let it go. I even let it go the ONE AND ONLY TIME she ever commented on anything I posted. What was that one comment you ask? Well, when I announced that my H and I were engaged, her response was, get this, "I don't always agree with you, but welcome to the family anyway."

Yeah. She's a peach alright.

People, based upon her post, asked me to my face what her problem was. What could I say other than, "She's a b*tch."

But I let it go. I mean, why cause family drama over something so petty, right?

So really, from my perspective her being "upset" about not being "friends" with me under my new Facebook account really only equates to her being upset that she can no longer ignore me. Whatever. I've got better things to do with my time. To me, it's *just* Facebook. I don't live by it and it's not an important factor in my life.

Fast-forward to completion of finals and semester break. I decide to hop on Facebook to send SIL her Friends Request. I skim through my Friends List, looking for BIL (her husband - my H's brother), but wait... he's not there. Huh. That's strange.

So I hop over to my H's page, skim through his Friends List, yup, there's BIL. So I click on BIL's account to look for the link to SIL's so I can send her the request. But wait, there is no link. It just says that he's "married." Not "married to..." That's strange. So I ask my H, who is sitting right next to me, "Are you still friends with SIL on Facebook?" He checks it out and says, "Yes." I said, "Huh, ok. Well I guess she blocked me. That means I can't send her a Friends Request. Also, your brother de-friended me."

My H couldn't believe it. We were both pretty astounded. REALLY? It's THAT big of a deal?

Amazing.

Fast-fast-forward 4 months to August. I hadn't thought any more about it. I mean, to me - it's *just* Facebook. BUT my H and I plan a combined party at our house: it's a Graduation Party for me and a House Warming Party since we had not had people over to our new house yet. We invited everyone we know (except the skids - haha). A few days before the party, I ask my H who has RSVP'd to him. He goes through the list. I notice that he didn't say that his brother and SIL are coming. So I ask him if they are. My H looks petulant and replies, "No." I asked him why not and he says, "My brother couldn't get the time off work." I said, "I thought I'd heard that he isn't working weekends anymore?" He said, "He's not."

Sooo.... After a few moments of reflection a lightbulb goes off over my head and I ask, "Do you think it has anything to do with that Facebook thing?" He says, "Probably." I ask him how he feels about that and he just shrugged his shoulders, but said nothing.

Again, I move on with my life. Seriously, I am still waking up breathing every morning, the world is still spinning, the clock is still moving forward, I've still got a life... My world did not end simply because of Facebook and SIL's bullshit.

Two weeks later my in-laws throw me a small birthday party at their house. Nothing big, just pizza, cake and family. Unnecessary but nice. My MIL mentions cutting the cake. But I look at her and ask, "No BIL and SIL today?"

You could have heard a pin drop in the house. EVERYONE got quiet.

I suspiciously ask, "Does this have anything to do with that Facebook thing?"

My God these people are so inept at handling conflict. They looked like bugs under a magnifying glass with the sun trying to light them on fire.

My MIL bursts out, throws her hands in the air, face beet red, "I just don't want to be in the middle of it."

I'm so confused and say, "In the middle of WHAT?"

Holy crap, this is bigger than I thought!?!? How could that be??

APPARENTLY, when I didn't send that Friends Request to SIL - you know, like INSTANTLY - the world stopped turning for her. SIL has thrown such a fit over it that she and BIL are refusing to attend family functions because I'm going to be there. Whoa.

We are now 5 months after the fact folks. 5 months!

So I ask if there is anything that I am supposed to do to "make things right." Everyone tells me that there is nothing that I can do, because that's just how SIL is. I ask, "Should I call her to apologize?" . It's not like I feel as though I have anything to apologize for, but hey I don't want to be "responsible" for some huge family rift, but they all said, "No, because it won't make a difference. SIL will hold a grudge for years about this."

FOR REAL??

So out of the situation: EVERYONE has talked about me behind my back. SIL and BIL have triangulated EVERYONE into the "drama" - and I am the last person to know that it's really this huge fucking deal?? And yet, during the whole time BIL and SIL have been pissed off and bad-mouthing me to everyone - they couldn't not ONCE pick up the phone to call me or send me an email or something to ASK ME what happened?

WTF!

It amazes me how self-centered some people are.

My SIL is a SAHM who has never worked a day in her life. She still hangs out with the same people she hung out with in high school. She was a cheerleader and still acts like she is some hot-shot big shit even though she ain't shit. Her world is so small and apparently Facebook is a huge part of that small world.

And I know how shitty it must be for SIL to have one of those Facebook accounts that doesn't allow HER to send out Friends Requests to other people. I mean, how HORRIBLE it must be for her to have to sit around waiting for people to come to her. She must feel so left out. *eye roll*

You think it matters that I was taking 5 classes plus an internship and that I had a 24-page research paper to write and 4 other finals to study for? Nope.

What REALLY matters is whether or not I sent that Friends Request to SIL the *moment* she wanted to get it. Wait a week while I study to GET MY DEGREE? Not likely..

Holy shit these people are fucked up.

You know, and I will be honest: I am not so sure that SIL doesn't have her Facebook Page set to private and that I couldn't find her to send her a request before I disappeared to study. Honestly, I think that's how it really went down. However, again, I had better things to do and clearly it wasn't important enough to me to take up precious brain-space thinking about it.

So I asked my H, in private, if there is something that he would like me to do to make things better and he said, "LRP it can't be made better. That's just how SIL is."

I asked him if he feels that I'm responsible for the drama in some way. He said, "No. It's just Facebook and you had to study for finals. Getting your degree is way more important that SIL getting a Friends Request. She may not see it that way, but everyone else does."

Ug.