hmmm still a "secret"
Funny if you have followed any of my blogs you know the 411 on my SO and myself. The wedding date that came and went 2 years ago.... bla bla bla... Well last week he sat me down and told me how sorry he was for hurting me and he wants to show me he is serious and wants to be married so he threw out the month of January. Of course I was caught off guard because I have already accepted that this just will not be happening and I could finally say I was a good point of being ok with it. Not excusing what he did or how he hurt me but just accepted that well maybe this marriage thing just wasn't meant to be at that time. So along with the lets get married in January he also said and yes we will tell people we are engaged. This entire two years I haven't been able to share it with anybody. Not the he asked me to marry him etc... which looking back I am glad cuz how humiliating for me when the wedding date came and went and there was no wedding. Ok so back to my point. So last week he told me all those things. I told myself to not even entertain the idea (although that was hard I admit) to not get my hopes up. To not start planning etc. Then part of me was like well clearly he could see I was getting to the point of "F" this shit or he would not have thought holy crap I'm going to loose her... well as usual I was right. We had a big family BBQ last saturday with his family and not a word was mentioned that we are engaged. We also went and had dinner with a group of friends this past Friday night. All of them can see how happy we are when we are together so of course they are always poking at us about marriage. SO got up to go to the bathroom and all three couples were like... when is the big day. you know we will all help with the reception it doesn't have to be spendy you have friends who can help with things. I thanked them etc. Then SO came back to the table and they were talking to him about the same things. He was all smiles etc... but do you think he told them we were engaged? NOPE! He didn't say a FUCKING WORD. So after that I have decided how dare he throw out the "lets get married in january" just to pacify me.......... so now I am just hurt all over again. This is BS. I knew it. We had TWO perfect opportunity's to tell the people who love us and care about us that we got engaged and we are happy to tell them about how happy we are..... pfffft what ever.
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I would tell him that you are
I would tell him that you are not marrying him. Not in January not in June. That when people tease you about not being married that you will just smile and say "Well you know SO is not the marrying kind." And they can take that ANY way they want!
What a horses arse.
Why are you still with him.
Why are you still with him. When someone shows you who they are, believe them...He definitely showed you that he can't committ.
why didnt you just tell the
why didnt you just tell the friends? i guess i am confused as to why you didnt speak up when you had the chance?
dont get me wrong, i would be miffed too about the "secrets" and all that, but this time around i wouldn't keep it in. i would be singing it at the dinner table. then if mr boyfriend has an issue and says something about it in private to you, i would unleash the hounds.
He doesn't want to get
He doesn't want to get married. He's just saying what he thinks he needs to say in order to keep you around.
He will keep playing this silly game until you say enough and walk away.
Sorry hon, but I agree with
Sorry hon, but I agree with this!
I went through this with my
I went through this with my high school boyfriend. I dated him for 7 years. We lived together for the last 3 years. I watched all of our 'couple' friends meet, date and get married. I lived through the, you are so lucky, you guys are so happy, when are you guys getting married. My bf would laugh, I'd smile on the outside and cringe on the inside.
I left him. I had had everything 'extra' packed up an in the upstairs closet for a year before - I knew I had to leave, I just didn't have the courage to do it. Finally one day I decided I was leaving, I was moving to another city and starting over. I knew if I left I had to leave our little circle of friends pretty much - it was going to be too hard to try to live my normal life after 7 years with this man who I was going to run into 24\7. So I just wiped the slate clean.
I told him I was leaving. He acted indifferent and told me to do what I had to do. I told him 2 weeks before I was out the door because the apartment screwed up. I started moving things out when it hit him I was serious. THEN he comes to me one night and says, well if you want to get married that is fine, we can go to the courthouse if its that big of a deal. I said nothing. He then says, and if you want a kid, fine, but its your kid you have to take care of it. I said nothing. He went on about that for awhile. Then he got all pissy about silly things like, I remember I was packing kitchen stuff and he was hovering and I went to pack a potato masher - he rips it from my hands saying his mother gave it to him (I know she didn't) so I just turned my back and let him have it - keep it asswipe.
I moved, no forwarding address or phone number - HARDEST and BEST damn thing I ever did. Scary as hell. I think 1000lbs was lifted from me the day I walked out of that house for good. Most of all, I realized how much humilation I was feeling whenever someone was asking about when we'd get married and how much hurt I had been holding inside and doubt wondering if I wasn't good enough or what. HE wasn't good enough.
In my opinion, if there is no
In my opinion, if there is no engagement ring, there is no engagement. Much like if there is no legal document, there is no marriage. I do not believe it when girls say "oh well, we live together, we are practically married... Its the same thing really...whats a little piece of paper matter?". Nope, its not the same thing and the piece of paper matters a lot.
Once he gets you a ring, it will be hard to hide. Saying "lets get married" is just an appeasement that I would not tolerate a second go around. Ring and announcement or nothing. You deserve nothing less!
This douche keeps putting you
This douche keeps putting you last. You appear to be convenient for him. You don't need to put up with it. You WILL find someone who adores you, puts you first and treats you like a queen. Why are you doing this to yourself? He's a selfish pig.